Guilt held me by the throat,
narrowed eyes filled with unshed tears,
as i clawed at the fingers blocking my airway.

Spectators say i should turn to faith,
for how could i not believe in the graceful intervention of a higher power,
in a crime that claimed the lives of so many,
in a crime that left just one.

I do not wish to be involved in His plan,
this miracle they speak of is far too unforgiving.

The fingers around my neck unclenched,
and my arms fall to my sides in resignation.

"You will live with me forever,"
Guilt whispers into my ear.

I shook my head and opened my mouth,
begging for forgiveness, for justice,
but no words escaped my throat.

Grief gives me a long stare,
unsure about approaching me.

“How can i apologize for the crime that claimed the lives of so many?”
I asked in desperation.
“How can i apologize for being the only one?”

sometimes when we're together in bed
and your eyes begin to flutter shut,
i think: how could i possibly have lived a life without you?

now as i put you to rest,
and gently close your wrinkled eyelids,
i think: how could i possibly live a life without you?

i want to peel your skin back
and reveal your deepest sweetness.
to look at your veins
and memorize their paths.
maybe then i’d understand
why you are so rough on the outside.
it takes a lot of work,
digging your fingernails into the flesh,
pulling and pulling until you are bare.
but it is all worth it;
to visit your center,
to break past what conceals you,
and take you apart
slice by slice.

Do not come too close—God will cry.
A silent watcher in the endless sky.
A duty held for endless years,
Yet even gods can drown in tears.

To see it all and never change,
To watch, unmoved, through joy and pain.
What if, one day, He let it go?
A whisper lost beneath the snow.

Would He surrender? Would He break?
Would He abandon what’s at stake?
If even He could lose His mind,
Then what of us, so weak, so blind?

if love is a sin, let it burden me.
if love is a gift, let me cherish it.

boys will be boys
when he pulls her pigtails.
boys will be boys
when he takes away her virtue.