It was either eat, or be eaten
Jump, or be pushed
And it was both
It was a memory you didn't want to keep
A person you didn't want to kiss
But your lips are stained, now
I tip-toed around it
Around you, sometimes
When I had to
I was digging in the yard the other day
I know you've always hated when I do that
I ended up finding things you wanted to keep buried
I would never ask you,
But sometimes you find it falling off your tongue like pebbles down a waterfall
We sat there for hours, ashamed of ourselves
I was home when you got there
You walked in with your coat off,
Turned around, put it back on and left
I found a friend to stay with, and she took me to church
I sat there, vacantly
We were home over the weekend
Cooked noodles, took the dog for a hike
Everything was fine,
The weather was unseasonably warm, I noticed
Over and over again
I think I hated you that night
And I think that it hurt me more than it hurt you
As if you got scratches while I was impaled-
But I am definitely wrong. We were both broken. Usually people come out of tragedy closer together
But we came out with our loaded guns still pointed at each other
I've never seen someone shake so much
Balcony doors,
Fourth floor motel room
Too far from home, too close to each other
I wish you would have struck me
As I was standing, the heels of my hands dug into the windowsill, whole heartedly ready to lose consciousness,
I needed absolutely any reason to leave that dead-end bedroom
"When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on."
I think I've tried to write for/about Ryan before. I don't think I've ever been, nor will I ever be able to express the odd way in which he hurt me. He never laid a hand on me. We weren't even in a relationship, but in this case he stands for the relationship I was in two years ago as well as himself.
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