I tear and rip at my lips, leaving them raw and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to kiss a pair of lips that look like mine
I yank and tug at my nails, leaving them short and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to hold a pair of hands that look like mine
I love and lose, a consistent cycle
My brains bounces back, my heart taking the fall, cracking a little more with each loss, leaving it broken and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to love a heart that looks like mine
I pull and pick at all the seams throughout my body
I unravel myself and sew it back together again
I break and fix, a consistent cycle
But I take the toll, displayed by the scares throughout my body, leaving me broken and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to love a person who looks like me

The classroom was filled with laughter and joy,
And dancing young teens
All i could feel though was jealousy and hatred
I hate them for being so happy when my world is so dark
I hate them for being able to socialize and make friends
I hate them for being gorgeous and tall and skinny
I hate them for everything that i'm not
It makes me mad knowing its not there wronging it's the universe

When I'm down the sun never
seeks the sky.
                          Just a dullness
that hovers  beyond the grasp
              of my need to rise above

my pain...

I only needed that ray to hit upon my
                                 sighs...

                         I need to not hurt like
before, I cant keep this smile aloft..

It's falling like a shooting star,
   bruised when it hit the ground
             never again found.

   I'm dwindling like the stars caught
                 between the dawn and nightfall.
But never
            a light flickering before its
radiance is just an echo like me..


You'll find me, that star that fell,
        but never wished upon.

Just cold never seen,
               here but missed,
   as I fell from a moment of height
  to a place where I'm low and alone.

I tell her:
My little girl,
These days are intense
And alone.
And I know when you
Open that gate,
You do not recognise your home.

My little girl,
I know your mind is dark,
I know there are traces of a plague
Infecting your heart,
I know you want a fresh new start-
But put down the knife
And let wounds mend
And pains blend,
And see this life
To its natural end.

Why am I like this?
It shouldn't be this way
Am I really alone
Or is it my brain just forcing me back
Back in time
To the dark
To this inescapable prison
Where have I gone
Where are you
Whoever you are
I can't do this myself
I just keep falling
No one realizes
I'm slowly failing life
The longer I go the more I fail
Slowly crumbling with every step
Failure is second nature now
It hurts but I can't get around it
I can't stop it now
I'm gone
Doomed to this world of darkness
Of failure
Will my brain ever let me go
Or do I need someone?

The sadly wind is blowing
With the silent sky
The clouds are coming
Rythem of rains are falling
I'm lonely
With alone....
With the bone....
.
.
.
My heart is breaking
So tired of crying
Lord...i'm calling
Lord...i'm calling
I need Your help.....
I need Your help....

Morning, day and night,

hopelessly I wonder,

Knowing nothing better?

Facing other fears?

I saw red and I saw silver.

when has blunt steel been useful?

like a wave of light,
there is nothing
there is silence.

then the guilt draws in, tiptoeing silently,
was it worth it?
what had I done?

there are no riddles no games

that was me
or was it me