Never let a pebble
       Become a boulder.

For troubles should never
     Accumulate to the point
          Where you are lighter


Than the weight of your woes.

Will I feel this weight on my heart forevor?
Cause it eats me alive everyday.

I physically feel it pushing down on my heart and sinking it down to my stomach.

Will it ever be as light as feather?
Cause sometimes i get butterflies in my stomach.
I feel them flapping their wings and raising my heart back into place.
I feel so happy it brings a smirk to my face.

But it never quite gets there.
No matter how light it may feel,
the weight is always there.
Its everywhere.

I see it sometimes

in a dream at night
in a dream at day

I see how good it could be
could've
been.

its
happy

I'm not sure what happy is, but what else could it be?

I see it in my dreams
pure happiness, held tightly in my grasp.

it's so alluring
so
captivating

but why
when it's at its best

must I always

always

ruin it
end it in tears
not just destroy it
but make it a nightmare

i think to myself, why do I always have nightmares and not dreams?
but
is it so?

or

do I turn my dreams into nightmares
always

I met her eyes they showed a series of lies
what she hides is behind her smile
never to show never to see until only her can be set free

She is drowning but there is no water
People asked her how shes been
she said "I'm healing sins"  

She carries the chains around her neck
Tangled and mess a reminder she is a wreck

The rivers are the agents of the sea
thoughts flow like the river sent into words
hard to express but easily felt

Her screams of silence never heard
what is dear to her its nothing no more
Only desire is to be set free

They ask me who I want to be
I ask them what is wrong with me?
They say to be like others are
You can't become a faulty star
There's no way that you'll get that far
Be a doctor, be a nurse
Be a dentist, drive a hearse
A poet? please, you can't do worse
You can't make money just with verse

They ask me how I sympathize
With tear-stained faces, bloodshot eyes
Those who struggle with goodbyes
And quiet ones who analyze
Or far too much, apologize
They ask me how I am so wise

I say that I just talk to them
Find the lovely, hidden gem
But first, I say, I don't condemn
You are you and I am me
That is all we have to be
If we strive to be much more
We fight our own internal war
Don't be something for another's sake
Learn to dream when you're awake
Remember you're your own snowflake

They ask me
What makes you happy?
I answer short of patience
And just a little snappy

I say that sometimes nothing can
Like leaping out of fire
Just to land in the pan
I feel just as permanent
As lines in the sand
Hurting on the inside
I just don't understand

And other times I feel fine
As if the sun remembered
How to shine
It's like depression just forgot
How to poison every thought
Or pull my fragile heartstrings taut
And shatter every dream I sought

But I don't say this all out loud
In front of one big jeering crowd
Or with friends or all alone
Or even when I'm safe at home
I look into their eyes and say
Don't worry, friend, I'll be okay

Afraid and Anxious of
Being something I'm not
Conscious about everything
Dying to be
Everything I want but wheres the
Fun in that.
Go out and
Have fun.
Its strange how I changed.
Jeers where the sound track of my life.
Knowing that many have been cheering
Lamenting of the days I should have   fought.
Mountains where not made to
Nor overcome. That what I thought I have this
OBSESSION of
Painting my way by asking allot of Questions that I shouldn't have ask.
Race that I shouldn't have joined cause I'm
Sedentary. I'm afraid to move.
Timid and Nervous. Fear is
Ubiquitous for everyone, but its Victory over me is for sure. but
Wait its not the end because I'm the stranger of
Xenization, forever travelling alone
Yearning to be with somebody. This is the end and the start
Zero, yes I started with an A&Z is the end cause I always feel
                   WORTHLESS.

He was so rough with me
It was unbearable
I cried instead of screamed
I bleed instead of cummed
I guess I was
Just another one
Of his **** victims