I open this door in front of me
it opens to the room I had when I was four maybe three
the walls are painted lilac and I count the beds in the room
one,
two,
three
for me and my two older sisters their names are Rachel and Brittany

I hear a giggle and look down
it's me as a little girl and oh my god that's right, my hair was a lighter shade of brown
she has on her princess sleeping gown and tells me "Here, follow me, I'll show you around, it's nighttime now or I'd ask mommy if we could go to the playground"

we're playing with her toys and she tells me "you look sorta familiar" I smile and ask her "do you think we look kinda similar?" I see her eyes moving and her brain searching her mind's perimeter she says "a little, can you tell me your name? I'm a good listener"
"I'm you from a time yet to come" I say sweetly just above a whisper, she climbs into my arms and on her forehead I kiss her

I tell her all the wonders she will see, who not to trust and all the amazing people she will meet, I tell her that some things never change; like how we still love to walk in our bare feet and how people still tell us "no one I've ever met before has been this sweet" I tell her there will be things you feel are left unsaid and incomplete and there will be times where you're biggest strength is to know when to retreat, and oh... you're going to fall deeply in love with a man, he's a musician and both his heart and drum play to their own beat, she sings with excitement "I cant wait to be older!! I've always wondered what kind of girl I'll be!!!" I look at her lovingly "you will grow into your power and strength- you are the rarest pearl from the sea- your life will be an amazing one, I love you and it's time for me to leave, but know I'm so proud of all the things you will achieve, your life will flourish sweet girl, you're in for such a treat"

So hard to come by
Unless you know where to look
Have you found that place?

I am losing myself
Withering away
Each day
Everyday.

I am stuck
I can’t move
I hurt others
While I hurt me too.

I stand, unmoving---
In this wretched place
In the midst of darkness
In this open space.

I don’t know how to let it out
Everything within me
All the grief, all the woe
Every heartache, it doesn’t go
Away from me.

Nobody can save me now
It’s all too late
I keep on writing about it
A little wish
Help me escape.

I’ve have reached the end of the page
Now
I don’t know what’s next
Misery has wrapped its arms around me
Misery has even scared death.

Into the endless waters I dive down deep
In this ocean of mercy, His face, I seek
Over mountain and valley, plain and hill
I have travelled and will travel further still
To finally find what I've searched for so long
And I will continue until I can't go on
I am lost in the sea of God's great grace
I am awash with the love that covers me
I am found in the arms of His embrace
And was lost, but now I'm found and free
To understand the mystery completely
Is to fill a small hole with the entire sea
Still, I swim on, all caught up in the flood
Still, I am covered by His most precious blood
Still, I keep walking, I keep pressing ahead
Strengthened in the life by which I am fed