It's not the tiny little butterflies
Flying 'round inside my tummy
It's not the light that flashes
Whenever you smile at me

All those are physical
Passing and ephemeral

Love is when I love you
Even if I've seen
The darkness that you have within
And still my face lights up
Whenever you're around me.

Love is when I love you
Even when I've seen your flaws
And I'd still smile
Open my arms
And wrap you in my embrace

She did not know what was going on
She was confused about the path she would take
Did she have to make the decision alone?
She has heard that she didn't but where was that other decision-maker
She gave everything she had and expected nothing and gained nothing

She did not know what was going on
Was she really falling in love or just desperate
Had she really been so blind was she finally seeing clearly
Had she really just lowed herself for an illusion

She did not know what was going on
How could she not realize
the is so young, so ignorant to love
She had so much ahead of her
and many more problems

She did not know what was going on
Yet that was no excuse to put on the platter
Yet she had much better things to do
A guy was no match for the worries in her mind
She had a mother brothers fathers* and yet her mind,
was only on him

She did not know what was going on
yet she did
she knew why she cared so much
she knew why she was so attached to something so pathetic
It was not love, or desperation, or even lust
it was fear

She did not know what was going on
She was afraid that she would never really understand love
She was afraid that she would never be loved
she was afraid that she would end up alone
So she fell for the trick of love
She fell for a fantasy

She pretended she had to make a decision all by herself
when she always knew that God was the answer...

Standing with the shadows of the past
Looking at the radiance of tomorrow
On my feet, with my thoughts, on the verge
Of falling or holding on
Of gambling and risking all
Of breaking deeply either way:

To jump would break the night
*To persist would break the dawn

The bricks lined up
Like jigsaw pieces
Every step I take
Was not my decision
My thoughts are so reckless
I’m afraid of my conclusions
All questions in my head
Are left with no solutions,
I hold faith in the hands of a stranger,
I pray I’ll be led away from danger,
I know I’m supposed to be where I am
But for how long can I trust these hands?

It’s easier to die than to watch someone die.
This is why and why I try and try
to stay alive or take my life.
The decision is impossible to make myself
so I hope and pray for someone else
to do something bad, something bad,
bad enough to make the decision for me.
It’s easier to die, to take my life
than to watch my mother’s soul die.

I suppose I realised around the time
that the trees started looking like anxious fingers
searching for their little blue pills

I realised on a walk
that maybe, just maybe, love was not enough
to love

I searched for a bench to gather all the thoughts
where the trees surrounded me
in a circle of confidence and confrontation

A guzzle of wind fought through my thin layer
and the fragile but thick fingers of my friends
threatened me

I had made a hypothetical decision
that I knew I would never act upon
hoping that maybe, just maybe, love could be enough
for now