you are my remedy
to the ill feelings I bear towards myself
you make me feel lovely
like sadness was a foreign thing to my lips

you make the pain go away
like there never was soreness in my limbs
you are the only living thing that I need
to heal and feel truly beautiful again

Be brave, my love.

**Your dearest,
Victoria

I hope you're happy, honestly and truly happy. I hope that you spend your days smiling and feeling as happy as you were the day we first met, the day I said yes and the day I told you I loved you for the first time. I hope you wake up in the morning with a lazy smile on your face, the same smile that I used to wake up to after my quick afternoon naps at your place. I hope you fall asleep with the most serene of smiles, like the smile after every goodnight text we send, peppered with heart emojis and kissy faces. I hope you find someone new who will make you smile the way I used to. I hope they brighten up your life the way you brightened up mine and that they make you happy, honestly and truly happy, the way I wasn't meant to.

*- a.b.

dear my heart is what I'm afraid of
Because I finally feel like I'm enough.
How have you captured me so easily
How did you make me fall in love
Love is what I am afraid of
in all its vulnerability
How easily you could brake me
And then still make me fall in love
Dear my heart is what I am afraid of
because in your hands it rests
Because you can care for it so easily
or make me feel like second best

My friend,
You tell me to love myself,
But I hadn’t enough love left.
You see I gave it to you,
And many others too,
And I don’t expect it back.

My friend,
You tell me to be happy inside,
But I hadn’t enough happiness left
You see I gave it to those
Who deserve it the most,
And I can’t say I regret that.

My friend,
You ask me if I’m alright,
And you know I’ll always say yes.
You see it’s easy for me
To say that I’m just fine,
When really I’m dying inside.

My friend,
Tonight I cried myself to sleep.
This night, out of all the others.
Even though you asked me,
More times than one,
If I needed to vent.

I should’ve said yes.

My friend, my dear friend.
I’m not ready to say goodbye.
And bit by bit it’s eating at me,
If you look closely you can see.
You can see the color in my eyes are dim,
You can see how hollow my cheeks have been.

But I don’t care.

I don’t care if I’m letting my weight slip.
I don’t care if I have love for myself.
I don’t care if I soak my pillow every night.
For the rest of my life.

My friend, my dear friend,
I say this with love.
Love that I should have for me,
But the selfishness would hurt too much.

My friend,
As long as I know that you’re okay,
Then maybe I’ll have a smile the next day.
Maybe I’ll be happy again.
Maybe this goodbye,
Won’t hurt so bad.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Forgive me for I have forgotten what it's like to wake up to both of your smiles.
Forgive me for I still hate the sound of your endless bickering.
Forgive for I don't try hard enough.
Forgive for I am tired.
Forgive me for I live out of a backpack.
Forgive me for you no longer sleep under the same roof.

Dear Brother,
Forgive me for I don't want you to leave.
Forgive me for I don't open up to you.
Forgive me for you have to wipe away my salty tears.
Forgive me for you have to be strong for the both of us.  

Dear Best Friends,
Forgive me for I am too close to your boyfriend.
Forgive me for I don't believe your crush will ever like you.
Forgive me for I ignore you when you talk about leaving.
Forgive me for I don't talk to you anymore.
Forgive me for I am selfish.

Dear crush,
Forgive me for I like you.
Forgive me for I think of you.
Forgive me for I make fun of you and tease you.
Forgive me for I admire your soft lips.
Forgive me for I stare at you.
Forgive me for I want to feel love.

Dear Others,
Forgive me for I am Myself.
Forgive me for I hate the way I look.
Forgive me for I get sad.
Forgive me for I disagree with people.
Forgive me for I like to dance.
Forgive me for I like to write.
Forgive me for I like to read.
Forgive me for I complain.
Forgive me for I am Human.

Yearly, yearly I knew you dearly --
Watched you blossom and sincerely
Hope to be more than merely
A seed without the sun.

Yearly, yearly I held you dearly --
Sown deep in the ground and growing nearly
As stretched as the sky and you now clearly
A seed within the sun.

Yearly, yearly I loved you dearly --
Nurtured as nurtured rarely austerely
Intertwined as death lets us be
Two seeds beneath the sun.

Ne’er will there be any other
Who can compare to a brother.
Younger or older matters nay
They are there for you, come what may.
Though a bond which is quite unique
‘Tis a love not oft of we speak.
Though they may know we hold them dear
Perchance it would be good to hear?

I may've been a part of everything I've ever done
But out of all the messes I regret but only one
I searched myself on purpose just to question what I knew
And found that in forgiveness I am truly made anew
I've let You seal the corners of the letters I have writ
Without a doubt I give You my uncertainty to smit
I care not for the burden I have cast upon my head
For I believe I'll carry only what You deem undead
Position me to stumble and I'll fall the way I should
Be overwhelmed with gladness at the mercy of the good
I can't remember being anybody else's clay
You've molded me completely into who I am today
So here's to every future I could ever hope to have
While walking in this body til another comes to pass
I hope that You'll prepare it for the second, third and fourth
However long it's meant to tread the soil of the earth