The skeleton on my shirt that matches The pain in my head as Letters pop up on my phone I cannot read From here Behind me and The more I fight my medication that Whispers to me "Sleep. Morning will come. The day is done. Smile." But The more I fidget and The more I write and The more I cry has it Screaming to me and I faint knowing I am nothing more than Pills in bottles.
There was this time in middle school when I kissed a guy and shouldn't have And left someone and didn't tell them Acted ****** up when I wasn't Now I am (It hurts so bad) Fell in love Destroyed myself Contemplated, contemplate, contemplating Cried in the high school bathroom over some guy that didn't matter Took Tylenol without food Never stole anything Should've stolen something Kept everything a secret Didn't stand my ground Was too forceful Lost myself in the lost and found Yes. Many things. But it doesn't matter now that it's over and Done.
I was writing a lot in a journal of mine then packed it to go to college when I wanted to put the poems in, so hey guys I'm back! Some of these will be a little depressing but it's ok it was me working out my problems I guess.
I am a sheep herder Everything I say is as feed to a dead horse. I whisper sweet lullabies with a deep guttural sound That frightens, yet knows the solemnity of the sky. I cry to a field of pale auspicious clouds Then feel the tingling fall and accelerating answer. Much have I seen in the break of days, Growth always came after cultivation, And fields were full of nothing. How all things stay in similarity and change into variety. But I am a sheep herder, And I have no sheep.
I'm alone here I'm alone Would you just stop WOULD YOU JUST STOP AND LISTEN TO ME! I'm alone And I just repeat that again and again and AGAIN And it always seems to be true And I keep thinking I think I think and I THINK But nothing seems to happen We're trapped WE ARE TRAPPED And yet I'm free to roam You're free to go You're free to go just go JUST GO But I'm running away From what from who FROM WHERE Freedom freedom freedom OY Freedom freedom freedom OY Quit pestering me Quit it YOURE NOT EVEN HERE I wish I could go I need an adventure I need to go GET AWAY FROM ME Oh god HOW DO THEY DO IT blank memories blank thoughts empty files empty plot scared frozen scared free scared forever scared me Meds meds meds Drugs drugs brain Empty clear fuzzy Gone
I just kinda started writing what was in my head and interpreted it along the way I don't know it was eye opening to me in a way.
Little girl: Your lilac halo boasts wild days, Yet your eyes, earthy and bold, Whisper soft melodies of sweet innocence. Little girl: The bird on your shoulder shouts confidence, Yet fidit... figi... fidgeting hands Scramble days of rotten terror. Little girl: Be true to yourself; We know who you are We know you better. You're not who you claim to be, Despite all your changes. Little girl: Shut up. Be still. Be innocent. Be what we want you to be, Because all you are Is what we make you to be.
College applications are done Acceptance acceptance... acceptance Fill out forms You're in, that's good Recommendation letters A b r e e z e But oh dear. Scholarships. They need what now? SS what's that Number again? AndohmyGodifIhavetowritemyname O N E M O R E T I M E You have my email! Address upon address, didn't I just look at this? IT DIDN'T SAVE. Start again. Breathe. College will be as the applications. Easy?
Basically my thoughts while trying to sign up for scholarships and declaring a new major...
I guess you could say, I'm a little broken. I'm a little hurt. I'm a little angry. But I know the pain will go away. I'll smile again. You'll become a distant memory. But you are part two Of an epic tragedy That once filled the space in my chest.