as the suns sets faster
and the moon stays lower
when the wind blows harder
and the nights move slower

occasional pain comes to fill you up
staying around
numbing the memories of what you loved

this period lasts, but doesn't last long
leaking out day by day

as night rides and dawn arrives
this ache too, you will overcome.

2AM                                          
I am assaulted with emotion at the notion of closing my eyes               
            my drunken blackouts are the only peace I seem to find     deprived of my liquid therapy I sink into my thoughts      
              ignoring atrocious reality brings no solace to a villain caught  

                                   3AM
paralysed within myself calling out from my empty shell
              a stranger inhabits my skeleton but I'm yet to hear alarm bells
my identity's gone missing but all the poles are poster-less
                          suffocating on small talk I'm lost in exquisite sadness

                                                            4AM­
do my eyes of infinite tragedy hold the same tone of desperation?
          dead detached peepers resemble marbles glossy from sedation
privately frantic for acknowledgment of my internal death
                        fearful you see my demise but see no value in my breath

                                                         ­                              5AM
           mother dearest placed me on the curb for a foreigners collection       unworthy of a garage sale I squat amongst the household rejections
       amidst disheveled furniture a crusty mop makes my acquaintance
I suppose the oppression of my despair made it less contagious

                                                     ­                                                          6AM
whoever claimed sunrises bring hope never tried stimulants
                the ***** smeared sky bears as much nausea as I implement
such is the tacky masochistic cycle of damnation
                                  give me my slice of death and pray I don't awaken




                                     i
  grieve
                                                 my
                                                                ­ whiskey
                                                                ­                                  as
                                     i
  grieve
                                                  my            ­   humanity

the colours are more vivid than I remember,
Reds, oranges and yellows dance across the sky,
Clouds brushing past in awe hoping to pick up the hues of sunset,
Dance,
Dancing,
Watch,
Watching time has come and gone,
The stars ask if I’ve had the time of my life,
...I have
The best way to spend my final day.
Now eternal rest.

October nine and she was fine
October ten came and went
October eleven she thinks of heaven

Can I be recognized in violet
All turned blood red
They are all like a rose

Pricking and picking my veins
Somebody uses extreme osmosis
To help their pain in doses

Now the flowers have gone
Because of the atmosphere and the sun
Will I be the one to change her

Like all dogs sitting in a manger
We were not perfect
October twelve was hell

October thirteen and I was seen
By her from a far
Just to distance ourselves from who we are

October fourteen and she became gorgeous
Because the love we had floored us
Can we start again every day, every week, and every month
Because I think you are the one

Your darkness falls all over me;
Blackened so it's hard to see.
The only lights that shine on you is the light from the stars and moon that comes through.
The evils of this world consume you,
As they are hidden in the shadows of your darkness too.
As the sun begins to rise and begin a new day,
The darkness of the night slowly fades away.
When you return after the day is done.
Your darkness of night replaces the sun.

and live in immense solitude
every day and every night every
hour and every minute in this world
and everyone is not in the world and in the dark
be alone every day
every day walking among people
and be and be alone forever
great loneliness among people
some people are about so many smiles on
their mouths but i only have grief in my eyes

and in this world I am eternal destiny and on this
in the light i'm an eternal hostage eternal prisoner
and please my cell is my prison
great my loneliness is long long
everlasting everlasting loneliness that never
did not begin and never ended
and that never comes to an end and
never come to the beginning so many years
and so many winters among the peaks and always one

08.10.18

walk

yea, keep walking
nah
run
run, my friend