Down the snow covered pathway
Frost clouds escape my chapped lips
Reaching towers run past my view
Walking forward
Towards nothing

The view through my eyes is so worn
Until I see yours
Its a small thing
That drew my gaze to yours

But that bright smile
I know is not intended for me
Called my name anyway

Now as I stand here
Three blocks down
From the café window I saw you through
It lingers in my mind

That time
When I was once as happy as you
Where it has gone
I can't remember
But I now wish to bring it back

as the suns sets faster
and the moon stays lower
when the wind blows harder
and the nights move slower

occasional pain comes to fill you up
staying around
numbing the memories of what you loved

this period lasts, but doesn't last long
leaking out day by day

as night rides and dawn arrives
this ache too, you will overcome.

that were once my goal
what I spent my time perfecting
learning and yearning to be better

now hold me back
keep me at this striving
but never arriving state

in order to love myself
and my life
I can no longer waste my love
and my life
unsure and unwilling to begin
on something I have no passion in

instead I will do the things that bring me excitement
enjoyment and opportunities

because sometimes giving up
isn't a bad thing
it gives you space
to pick up
what you really need

its hard for me to remember my own feelings
I always forget that beautiful things exist in this world
having been numb for so long
waking up seems scary

damped by the thoughts of other
feeling others feelings
instead of spending time with myself
even though all the time
I'm by myself

no one cares for me these days
I know it to be true
since I care for no one currently
even pushing them away
because I know I'll disappoint them

stuck in the between place
of young and grown
novice and knowing
foreign and fluent
is so comfortable that its uncomfortable

silence makes me nervous
yet the sound distracts me

I start a new thing
and quickly leave it
never progressing
always upsetting myself

these days
are a slow climb for me
I dont know where the valley ends
and my mountain begins

but I just hope
all my numb feelings dont turn to pain anymore
all my flaws dont hold me down anymore
all of my self doesn't cower anymore

because my feelings all feel foreign
and disappointment is too comfortable these days.

The first time I heard the line
“This isn’t real life
This is **** that happens on tv”
Was on my 24” screen

But when I heard it the second time
From my uncle
As he stood in the hospital room
Praying for his youngest son
Who left us the next day
I realized that sometimes
Tv happens in real life

baby blue in the middle of egg shells
blonde way up high
that trickles down into brown
and reaches up to a spike

pale all over
with unintentional dents
it has little brown freckles
shaped like stones

thin closed lips cover
teeth that were tugged
with wire and brackets
you probably dont miss

ridge in the middle
with a peak as a start
the rest just a curve
until your nostrils make it stop

bottom of it all
has a dent in between
that seems to disappear
when you turn a certain way

those curves on either side
probably most important
when you listen to the music
you and your band create

the shape a little odd
because it matches the entire place
an almost perfect oval
just a bit wider above the middle

and lets stay away from your smile
which almost never fades
from that overall
perfect mess of a place

you dont want to be the odd one out
is what they always preach
get along and fit together
it makes our system better

sit around and do nothing
comfort is best
but also work hard
to ace every test

dont do anything weird
but dont be basic
original ideas are worthless
if they havent been proven
the best way to organize
is the one well teach you

forget that the real world
doesnt have meaningless rules
and the college we constantly refer to
is even worse than this

300 dollars for a text book
you have to staple yourself
1000 bucks for a class
with an instructor who hardly shows
countless mental breakdowns
while studying alone

even better though
is that statistics show
less than half of kids that go
make it to their second year
think graduation day will solve your fears
too bad it only gets worse from here