i wonder what your reaction would be
if you really knew
if you really truly knew
i wonder if you would be closer to me
or further away
would she bring us closer
or tear us apart
maybe i don’t tell you
because deep down i already know
maybe i already know what would happen
but it doesn’t matter anymore anyways
its too late
she’s already here
under this roof
in my moms room
on my moms deck
drinking from my moms mugs
sitting on my moms chair
theres nothing i can do
but wallow
and have self pity
but of course that doesn’t help anyone
except maybe give me a bit of release
but at the same time i feel like I’m a guest
in my own house
i don’t feel like this is a home anymore
i feel like i don’t have a home
i don’t feel that i am at home for the summer months
i feel as though
i am visiting
and you are patiently
or impatiently
waiting for me to leave in september
i feel like a burden
but at the same time
i am the only one who cares about anything
and you wonder why i cry
every night
and refuse to talk about it with you
how can i
when the person who makes me cry
is the person you put infront of me
what would you say
if i told you
the one tearing your daughter down
is the one person you give everything to

My children are my heart
Except for the aorta,
That's where my soul lies,
That is my own,
My life's crown.
My son is the the upper auricle and ventricle,
Whence the good oxygen enters.
My joy,
My heart beat,
My elixir,
My booster.
Gives me a purpose in life,
A sense of well being,
Forms with me a strong bond until his marriage,
Makes me feel protective,a lioness.
My daughter is my lower auricle and ventricle,
That pushes oxygen to all parts of the body.
My strength,
My pride,
My best friend for life.
Gives me new experiences,
Builds my hopes,
Realizes  my dreams,
My unbroken link, for me forever.

I am ugly woman’s man hands
Leathered to stringy flesh strips
dried by harsh cruelty of the sun
My pillows of porcelain skin
Transmuted into mother’s spider hands
Nicotine stained hide stretched across
toothpick strong bones like a
new year’s dragon
Puppeteered by her to squeeze a
tube of tobacco between two
knuckley fingers
Strong scales of keratin crown
each digit and serve to
flick cigarette or pick sick fleas
Now I’ve inherited those
one morning woke up transmuted

(R)emember
who you ar(e)
no matter
the mold(s)
you have to
ste(p) into.
B(e) their
an(c)hor
tha(t)
never
tilts

I made a decision
not easy to be made
Though I know who you are
and what you gave to me
Everyone would suggest
to overthink this decision
But for me it is clear
my decision is based on your actions
You abandoned me
already a while ago
actually years ago
And now, I made a decision

Mother, you are dead to me.

I drank an espresso
And met with god
We talked of good days past
His son doesn’t call
My mom ****** me up
In his eyes we’re all just dust