In-N-Out Burger, quarter to 11.
Tonight I dressed up, hoping I’m at least a 7.
My friend pulls Bea and me aside,
Smiling cheeks, glinting eyes.

A conversation behind her had occurred:
“That girl is really cute, should I tell her?”
She subtly turned around to see
That two boys were looking towards Bea and me.

As she told her story, I bit my tongue.
I let myself think “finally, someone
Who thinks that I’m pretty, and deserves a chance.
I seem to be dodging any flirting glance.”

You’re lovely, my friends tell me (I hope that it’s true).
But I crave to hear it from someone new.
Someone who could possible grow
To love me and cherish me. I don’t say that, though.

I turn to Bea, and give her a smile
She’s in a red dress, prettiest for a mile.
My friends are all 10s, that I can see,
And I know that comment was for her, not me.

So here I am at In-N-Out eating fries
Pretending not to worry about numbers and guys.

4/3/18 - Started dating my boyfriend
2/5/09 - The day I lost my best friend (Grandpa)
9/16/17 - The day my dad and step mom got married
7/16/18 @ 3:35pm - The day I might lose my other best friend

Maybe i’m foolish
Maybe i’m too kind
Maybe i'm stubborn
Maybe it's your laugh
Or your rockin ***
Complemented by the nice smile

Maybe I should get out of my seat.
Maybe I should talk to you
Maybe I should not have tripped on my shoelaces
Maybe I should complement your tattoo
Maybe we should talk so much
That the librarian has to kick us out for letting out that laugh you have.

Maybe you like me
Maybe you are just trying to be friendly
Maybe you are a pushover
Maybe i'm just being too aggressive
Maybe I should take you out to dinner
Maybe I should look at your beautiful eyes when I ask
Instead of snow angels on the ground with my feet

Maybe you said yes
Maybe I thought you said yes
Maybe you didn't mean to say yes
Either or im jazzed
Maybe I should wear a bowtie
Maybe I should wear suspenders
Maybe both….**** it
Maybe you likes chinese
Or Maybe indian!
Maybe I should ask
Or maybe I should take initiative

Maybe I should knock on her door
Or ring the doorbell!
Maybe I should give you the time of your life!
And maybe I will go stargazing
But It would just me staring at you
Because the stars are in your eyes
Maybe I'll tilt my head in
And feel your lips pressed into mine
And maybe you will never have
To have a first date ever again

But I don't
I don't approach you in that library
I don't compliment your tattoos
I don't even hear your thoughts
That make you mentally shout at night
You won’t even teach me how to dance
Or how to deal with your parents who wouldn't like me
Instead I just watch from afar
You look at me
Which forces me to make snow angels on the ground with my feet
As you grab your books
And leave the library.

Cursed be the dreamer.
Cursed be the one who runs towards the open flame hoping they can dowse it.
Because that’s the thing.
Not all flames want to be quenched.
Some just want to burn.

And this is going to end in flames.
I feel it.
I feel it somewhere deep within my bones.
Our fate is embedded in the marrow.
I can’t change a single thing.
No matter how much I dream.

You gave me a tango, and watched me dance
Till I collapse on the ground.
No, I won't be good enough.
But you gave me fale hope and watched me jump
towards a bed of lies.

You paid the bill. You laughed.
You despised it all yet you smiled and watched on.
I was a clown and you put me on
the way your put on your Burberry
then toss me aside once my heat gets too hot

You were tough. You climbed out of that *******
and made your way to the top. My
admiration and lust turned to a bitter
cloud of ash and dust when you tossed me
down from your cloud.

You loved my skin colour more than me.

So tell me when did french kisses
and biting my lips became a sign of
"I don't think this will ever work"
And when will you ever learn, that only
scumbags and *******
Fluently lead a *******?