Help me,
I'm crying myself to sleep
I think of you before I go to bed.

It makes me sad that your not around anymore.
20 years have passed, but I still feel the emptiness.

Help me, please

No eyes can see my tears,
no ears can hear me crying,
all I have is you but where have you gone?

The consequences of your actions
Are a burden I suppose I asked for
When I agreed to belong to you
When I offered you sanctuary in my arms

Yet tonight - they are so heavy
And I no longer wish to carry them
My legs are so tired darling
Please just admit that you were wrong

My legs are so tired darling
Break the generational chain that binds us to this nonsense.

I hear him mention that my greatness is that of a family name
and in that moment I understand I am nothing but a legacy.

And my tears are the vines that climb the deck
and put out his cigarette

and my memories create a storm
and dilate his ***** 'till it is water

-it takes time to see your true magic

Dad, you know where it hurts
although you weren't there
You always ask exactly

for something important that
others didn't miss
in my story, an aside

of the path, a depth
I told around
feelings that I avoid

because they itch in my head
and scars that I keep covered
You understand it all

already before I tell you
and you say the words
that embrace me

and upset me
with sorrow, confused
with this happiness

She opened the window above his bed
(How else will his spirit rise?)
I could have said
that his is a spirit that defies convention -
domestic or foreign -
his spirit would not wait for our permission.
But instead I smiled
at the February chill and the gas bill
that would have made my dad shudder.

last week my dad told me  
i am going to be homeless
when i grow up  

but from what i can see
i am not going to  
make it that far

Ragged, flimsy, thin, spotted card.
Creased with the tales of time.

Jaws equipped for a blow,
Ears higher than the mouth, just as God placed them.

Face structured like stone,
On the narrow shoulders of a boy, we lean.

And of all the 'siła' endowed to our name,
The windows gently lead to the soul inside.

Carry, drag, and crawl.
But never let an utter of hardship leave thy chest.  

Like a ‘Schnadel’,
More gold surfaces, as time does what it does.


"Spread your wings as I have told you,
God bless you, I love you."

Love from 'Polska' is different than words,
More doing than talking, build a house like the birds.


Stay true to 'Wiara' like a true ****** would,
John Paul set example, follow, do good.

"Fight like you’re dying, please lose the sad frown,
‘cause you can’t let the ******* get you down."

What a name you uphold,
Humble pride that is shown,
And like a good yellowhammer,
'Papcio' always returns home.

As I’m sitting here watching the deep red blood run down the tube into this white plastic container sitting in the floor letting me know that there was over 600 millimeters of blood in your lungs, I think about how much more could possible be left in there. How much more of the man that I know as my father diminishes away down a tube? I sit here in this uncomfortable hospital chair looking at you, staring at you. Memorizing your face and all your features because lord knows how much longer I’ll have you to myself. I stare at your hair and think of a color to describe it. Brown, dark blonde? Maybe a deep strawberry blonde? I can tell I got my hair from him and not my mother. It’s a mix of all three, and I can’t choose a favorite. From your hair to your closed eyes. Your eyes don’t have to be open for me to know the color blue that they have. If diamonds were blue then they would be your eyes. They have the most amazing and unique texture... Your hands I know all too well. I remember all the hugs I received from you, I was just barely okay before your hugs and then you made everything melt away. What I would do for one of your famous hugs right now.... I wish I could take away all of this pain, I really do. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this and me not be able to do anything about it. You’re supposed to be the strongest man that I know. But right now they have tubes coming from almost every inch of your body. Each one reads something different about you. Heart is beating, check. Lungs are working, hardly but yes. Blood pressure is normal, not for long the way that plastic thing looks right now. They even have you on an oxygen tank. I don’t think I knew you snored, maybe it’s because of the tube hanging out of your lungs. Every time you inhale the air tight plastic thing holding your blood moves a little. Every time you move more of the red substance I know as my father trickles down the tube and drips into the white plastic thing holding almost a liter of you. The more your lungs emit blood into the plastic holder, the more I feel like you are sinking into the hospital bed. Honestly you look like it too.