The anguish of my mind
Is like a burden for me to ****
I can no longer bare the suffering
The young girl who begs to be heard
My pain is no longer a survival tool
But a lighter and the 9 year old the fire
Time to burn both of them.
i let go of the tightrope that was supposed to protect me and be mine
for i now know that this world is a place not for me
i know nobody will hold me and my siblings hand and say
"we are here for you, laiba,nida and ayaan"
we gotta be there for ourselves now
like we always have been
broken and destroyed
the world has done this to us
heard and called us mad
like we was something born out of an outcast to society
Who knew that being born out of **** will have such harsh consequences
let us be
and let us breathe
stop strangling us with your words
now this heart has had enough
Just a EVERYDAY through
The scariest part isn't my Sadness,
Or the emptiness in my loneliness
Not even the fact darkness has rejected me
Its the realization at 2am
That you don't have the energy to cry or to cut
How do i narrate this pain to you
Why is crying in my fate?
I am slowly breaking and it's not fair
How do i **** this pain
Without killing myself
I'm scared of the what if... what if I see him
What if he hurts me
He was meant to be my dad
Not my abuser
He was meant to protect me
My helplessness is in my eyes
It reads out help me before i die
In this kind of pain
I may die bearing it
Or even get used to myself
And I am scared….
The people making me
Cry are telling me to wipe my tears
And he isn't here anymore
But still breaths in my head
Everyday i scream silently
I hide my screams with a mask
My own look at me like I have commited a crime by saying thay I'm not fine
Laiba is hurting for too long
How much more can she take
I am sorry for not being happy
For being scared and the fear consuming me.
But what do you know
What I been through and why his presence scares me
I feel so low.
I feel so scared
Tell me why do I have to be this way
I cut myself once again
Not wanting to die but to get rid of the pain
So please help me understand why do I deserve all this pain.
She saw him
My mother saw him her abuser
Eye to eye they stared at each other
For him to laugh and look down in embarrassment
For her to leave all shaken up
Now her kids are too terrified to leave home
Incase they see him...
My mum saw my dad he didn't speak to her just laughed at her
She didn't speak to him but 6 years later she saw him and I'm now too terrified to leave but I'm strong we will get though it
Don't ever take my silence for granted
It's got more power then words could ever have.
Listen closely and you will hear
That I no longer trust a soul
Being let down doesn't always feel great.
My ptsd takes things more then I would as person. But once I loose trust its very hard to bring back.
I don't trust no longer
My trust for others is a thread
Easy to turn a blind eye too
Not intentionally done to harm me
But my PTSD says otherwise
Can't convince my mind to believe that you was looking out for my safety
And you cared about my life
When you should of known out of everyone in this world
That what you did would of been more damaging then anything
That's the ptsd thinking like that
I know the meaning behind it was to protect me
But convince insanity that