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A Feb 13
Sometimes it hard to see
Though the foggy land we walk
Sometimes its hard to know
There's support among the talk
Chatter blurs my head with things unsaid
Should I have even tried at all?
There's only one way to know
I guess I need to fall

When it gets dark, it gets easier
Not knowing who's around
Their candle light burns in my eyes
No peace of mind as I hit the ground
I know they've tried
And opened up their eyes
But mine don't seem to work
I just want to try to get there
Without getting hurt.

Todays the day, is always the day
But somehow it's still tomorrow
"One foot in front of the other"
Is just talk among my sorrow
No one can do it for me
I'm lost and scared and cold and lonely
But the worst sound of all is my own voice
Making promises continuously
A Mar 2016
I  am facing yet another war, and I know you are too.
So please know,
This battle is worth fighting for you.
I rather be loved by the outcasted,
Then to be hated by the royalty.
But I will always be a princess suited in metal armor.

I promise to hold your hand and clense you of your wounds,
I promise to always listen,  validate, and accept you no matter what weight, age, color, size, sexuality or diagnosis.
I promise to always fight for your safe haven to become the world you live in.

Even if you do not think you are worth it,

I always will.


Equality for all,
Or equality for none.
III
A Mar 2016
If i kept quiet,
If i let the comment slide,
If i tried to please the people i lost,
I would be considered pretty,
I would be liked by my boyfriends parents and family,
I would be a leader in a religious community,
And i would have gone with my boyfriend to get his tattoo today and would now be getting home from a nice birthday dinner with his family instead of fighting back tears, violently rummaging through my brain, looking for the filing cabinet labeled "flaws".
I couldn't help asking myself "what is wrong with me? What did i do wrong?"

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. Something is wrong with you. Something is wrong with you.
You do not like me because i am not just not a pretty face with a silent smile they thought i was upon first glance. I am not always girl with her hands folded in prayer and her legs crossed. I am more then that. I have always been more then that.
You are scared,
Disgusted,
And angry.  
All because i speak up,
All because i question the unquestionable,
All because im different.
I do not just socialize with the outcasted, I hold hands with your sinners and call them "friends", and mean it when i say it.
You can follow your bible so far.  
You can not fake actions and feelings just because that book told you to.
You can not say something and mean another.
Your skin is not enough opaque,
I can see that your heart is transparent.

I am not sorry and will never be sorry that dizzied your mind.
Im am not sorry that i pulled away the fog that you have always ben accustomed to.

And now your scared.
Scared that you are not "number 1"
Scared that i will take away your son,
Scared that I will change him,
And scared to admit that it is all happening right in front of you,
But you choose to close your eyes.
And if you open them,
Even just for a peek,
You pout,
You stomp your massive feet,
and you inflict the one thing that i will never purposefully inflict on your son,
Pain.
Congratulations.

I may not ooze adoration, but i my actions can speak "love"  to a stranger louder then your carefully chosen descriptive, cryptic lingo ever could.

Your love holds no weight.

And now I feel a sadness that clings to my back and climbs through my heart.
I am the outcast because of you again.
I think he's in control,
But i forget he's still your puppet.
But he's nibbling at the strings.

I missed out today-
But you will miss out for a lifetime is you keep this up.
So listen.
He loves me.
He loves you too.
I know you don't believe in evolution,
But you can not stop him from evolving.
I didn't do anything to him.
If he didn't hear some words of wisdom from me,
He would eventually hear all of them from someone else.
So stop punishing me because you are ignorant.
Because you are ultimately punishing him when you punish me.
II
A Mar 2016
I am your friend...
I am the underdog/
I am the rebel/
I am the forgotten/
I am the mocked/
I stand up for the persecuted,
weak,
discriminated,

Even though am not the one who fell asleep upon a tear soaked pillow tonight,
Even though I am not the one discriminated against for something i can not change,
Even though I am not the one outcasted only to be surrounded by laughter and wallow in my self pity,
I will be that one,
Holding your hand,
Making you laugh,
Fighting for you,
And you are worth it.

You may not know,
But because of you i have lost many experiences and people.
Best Friends,
Birthday dinners,
My Thursday nights,
The religion i have been baptized into.
And still i say, you were worth it.
I
A Feb 2016
I believe people can change. Anyone, in any time of their life can change, but only if they are willing. The problem lies in the fact that most people are not willing to change, they are, instead, trying to change you.

I have tried to reach through their mental barriers, but words only push so hard. I tried to show them videos, certian circumstances, I even took a stand against an entire community, risked relationships with people that I love, people who looked up to me, people that were important... But, I guess, not as important as the big picture I see.

They will always refuse to see my picture and rather show me theirs. I listened, I watched, I read, and I submerged myself in their world, and tried to see what they saw... And I still said "no".

So when I try to do the same, I am not even aloud to bring it up anymore, unless it's from their relm, because they are cowards. They want to believe, not take action. People are timid to bleed, to cry, to feel what another feels. The truth makes them cringe because they don't understand. They don't want to understand. So therefore it's wrong, or it's right, or it ceases to exist.

Change requires action.
I hope you're comfey in your chair.
Wrote this in a rush
A Jun 2014
I like sitting here.
I like wondering off,
Into the abyss.
I like documentaries.
Looking into other peoples' lives.
Seeing their problems,
Their scars.
It makes me forget of my own.

I dont know how
to deal with the good.
Ive been going through the bad
Day in,
Day out.
I got used to crying.
So to my surprise,
I got what I wanted.
I felt undeserving.

Was I dreaming?
I might as well been.
I ignored all other aspects of my life.
Because being loved,
Is the best feeling in the world.
It feels weird even typing it.
I feel that if i say it,
That it will be taken away,
Just as quickly.
I wanna return the love,
Because I have it.
I just am guarded too.
I don't want him to figure me out.
If he does,
When he does
...

He'll be gone.

Im not sure why he's here.
Does he like me?
All of me?
Ive let myself slip through the cracks,
And not I've made my way,
Back to the bottom.
Looking at myself in the mirror,
Wiping away the tear.
Im flooded with disappointment.
Im happy with myself.
But others aren't.
They will make false assumptions.
But I could just say
"You don't need them,
Who cares"
But...
I need him.

Ive wrote all these poems.
All about him.
But now,
Im scared.
What will
He think?
But you know what,
Here's what i think,
"Im too fat,
And your too skinny.
We're not too smart,
But we look so pretty,
Sittin' by the fire,
Talkin' the night away."
A May 2014
Do you know,
Every time i go on facebook,
Im looking for traces of you?
Every time i go on instagram,
Im looking for a picture,
that shows your life.
Im looking ,
Searching for evidence.
I know i will see you tomorrow,
But tomorrow can never come slower.
Its like getting homesick,
An emptiness,
A void i need to fill.
And i feel that sometimes
i don't know what i should do.
Should i look for you to fill me,
Or stitch myself up?
Because its never certain,
I feel like im always guessing.
Did i say the right thing?
Did i look okay?
Did i scare him off yet?
Because so many have already left,
But they weren't even mine.
So instead of embarrassing myself,
Humiliated,
By the unreturned feelings,
I will remain in the corner.
I will stay in the safety of silence.
Not the sound of silence,
Because i talk a lot,
But the feeling.
Words with no meaning behind them.
A present,
wrapped in pretty pink paper,
And when you open it,
It's empty.
Even though you may try to pull me out,
You may try to give me that gift,
I may never try to open it.
Not because i didn't want to.
Its because i didn't know it was there.
And i see the other girls.
They swoon to you.
Its like when you feed pidgins in a park,
And your holding the seed.
I don't know why your still here.
I don't know why,
you chose the one pidgin,
Who cant fly.
So thats why i hide.
Thats why i stare at screens,
Instead of into your eyes.
Im scared.
Im scared you will find some flaw,
Find one of my many imperfections.
Yet you treat me,
With the sweetest of words.
And don't know how to react.
And those words fill me.
Yet the satisfaction leaves.
It runs scared,
just like i imagine you will,
Because of my reaction.
My ****** blurted out response.
It doesn't compare.
You are a much kinder,
Gentler,
Beautiful,
Creature.
Inside and out.
I paint on my beauty.
My response,
doesn't reflect my affection towards you,
I want to show it.
Desperately.
But i have put up this armor for so long,
Its hard for me to break it down.
But i want to.
Desperately.
And one day,
I hope i will.
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