What if we kissed in the moonlit snow
Hidden behind that low brick wall
Surrounded by the vines?
What if you could hold me close
And never want to let go
When all was said and done?
What if we could be happy
Ever after, after all
Could it be true love?

If only these things happened in reality,
If only it wasn’t just a dream.

Yes, I dreamt of you last night.
I thought of others as I drifted off to sleep
But none of them can keep my headspace.
I want to die every day
Waiting
Wanting
Hurting.
I dreamt of you and it was so real that when I woke up I cried a little.
Because though I could still feel your breath on my skin and the bite of the cold
It wasn’t real.
You don’t love me.
My life feels a waste.
To love so deeply and be slapped in the face
With the words, “I don’t feel for you that way”
God is a cruel master
I feel like dying
For it was so real, so lovingly true (at least to me,)
That when I woke up
I died a little.

What if we really caressed as lovers do
Under the falling icy sky
Deep within the brambles?
What if we really touched and loved and smiled
Living for one another
Under that grey sky?
What if we really were as one
And my days were not wasted pining
And I was truly happy?

What if I could find someone who pushed you out of my mind?
Can I even hope to be happy?
I doubt it, love
Because until I can
I will continue to want to die.

We pretend to be normal

She is sobbing

I am helpless

I reach out

She pushes me away

I walk out the door

For once I don't care

i tried my best
but your tears drip like wax
on my t shirt
i know no matter what i do
you stay melancholy and molasses
i still let you cry
and ruin everything i own
i don't know why i don't just try to let you go
i'm the happiest person alive when i'm with you

Every moment, every mind,
All the world is bent and blind.

Heavy tears, free flowing blood,
Putting cruel stars in place.

Every call and every voice,
echoes, nothing but this noise.

0Da pacem Domine,
(I die by your behest)
1Quam tranquilitas,
2Quam serena mors est.

Every human ever made,
All our tears an icy glade.

Stary skies a sea of loss,
We know now, but what a cost.

Every angel every wing,
To hole of thine grave shall sing.

0Da pacem domine
(I live by your command)
3Dictat, sicut Deum
4Verb tuo,obito meum!

the eyeholes are leaking again
syrupy soul juice on the outside
when it really should be locked in
hurry, wipe it away
drip it from your fingers
extracted venom on a bad day

it’s a one-way road
irreversibly changed once exposed
permanently evaporated with time
no longer enslaved to flow
no way to know if it was important
can’t scoop it back in, you know

sometimes,
alone
under the weight of soft
comforters
thoughts come in
without
knocking

-my own personal intruders

My daughter
Why are you crying
I Am always with you

Im lonely
But
The wind has come to comfort me
Perhaps not in
"reality"
Or whatever you people to tell me to snap back to
But i'm glad I don't feel alone.

I can watch the pretty girls' funny shows on Netflix all night
Who's words weren't written with them in mind
Or any mind for that matter
Or who's shows aren't even "theirs"

Hopefully my puffs of bright beaming teeth breath
Fuel these winds onward
To someone else with worse problems
Or better
So be it

Why can't you hear me
I'm screaming
But it's like you can't hear me despite all my shouts
And I am suffering
And shaking
Knowing that you
Can't hear my cries