i don’t know what i’m doing anymore
-who am i falling for?
is it her,
the one i loved, who i am so afraid to lose?

is it the one at lunch
-the unattainable girl who directs her words to me,
or is she just looking for a kind ear?

maybe it’s just me again,
looking for someone to make my heart race in the way i want.
maybe it’s just me again,
afraid to lose what we have?

i’m falling again,
i hope.
i’m always falling
-that’s the thing about me,
i’ve never not been in love.

i fall,
at first, with a whole heart.
with you, it was the whole heart.
and then i fall to fall.

and oh, dear i think we were good.
but i confess that i confessed something,
and never thought about it.
never realized that my pining would amount to something.

do i love you? would i love you months from now, years from now?
do you love me? or am i breaking your heart?

i wonder if we even had time,
to do this thing,
to wonder.

i wonder if i’ll ever sit with someone on a porch swing,
my old hands clutched in their trembling ones.
i wonder if i can love someone long enough

-without the fear.
the doubt.
the fear,
all over again.

always, i end up here
-me wondering why i move on.
or if i move on at all.

What I don’t know, is how to unconditionally love,
For a fear that it will never be returned
What I don’t know, is how to really move on
When my heart has been broken again

I don’t know how to stay strong for someone,
When I can’t stay strong for me
I don’t know how to kiss and hug
Because I’ve never gotten the same thing

I don’t know how to love someone, because I still don’t love me
And I can’t always accept people’s flaws
Because I still don’t accept me

I can talk and I can write, but it can never be described
The feeling of love that is always left behind
I can crush, I can adore, but I can never repair
The hurt in my eyes after a broken stare

And the years go by, and my soul turns old
A true love story, is a story not being told
And I grow out of people, like I grow out of clothes
And I change the names of the ones I held close

Because, you see with me it’s like a game
And I can tell you a million stories of boys that left and came
There’s no one waiting for me, so at the end of the day
I pack up my broken pieces, and I make my separate way

The other day I looked at some photos,
Memories played before me as if they were live.
How funny the way time moves and the way life goes,
What feels like a day was really 365.

So much can change in a year.
What you want, who you love, what you fear,
365 days can either give or take away all you hold dear.

For me, a year has brought me plenty,
New hair, new friends, another year in my 20s.

But what a year hasn't changed,
Is the way that I feel.
Between you and I, no words have been exchanged,
A year has done nothing, no wounds have been able to heal.

Some nights I'll look again at those photos and still shed a tear.
In time things will get better, check back again this time next year.

Today I got a heartache, it wasn't so bad
I told her my feelings but she just look back
It ain't even that hurtful, it ain't even sad
I just got to work out some things that I lack

Today I got a heartache, twice I think too.
Crushes aren't my strong spot. But I know what they meant
When they said no, I smirked and just say thank you
For their honesty and for my further development

Today I got a heartache, it stings now I know
I was hurting a lot and in progress, I reap what I sow
Doubts start to drown and I begin to fall
Should I keep on going or should I just stall.

Today I got a heartache, it was subtle and clean
But the girl is not bad, she was not mean
She said I am sorry and things will be just fine
I don't know if that's true. down the line

My head suddenly fell down, and I start to frown
How can I turn this around, I know that I should not be a clown

Today I got a heartache, a devastating one for sure
I was really rooting for myself, I got myself to endure
All those efforts and all those what I make
But she suddenly have someone now, and that I can't take

Today I got a heartache, it seems so repeating
When I try to change myself, I just keep on believing
But again it fell flat and all went bad
Will this continue while I am being sad?

Today I got a heartache, it's dreary and frustrating
I should get over it, I should just say it's okay
But the feeling is gone and I am in dismay
From staking everything, now I feel nothing

Today... I got a heartache, and I broke my own promise
It seems it always happens, like a cycle that keeps repeating
The feeling of affection I long, and that is now I miss
Please help me remember what is love and what should I believe in

But the cycle continues until someone saves me

one day i woke up
and i couldn't remember
what it was like before you