Baby holding life
For the first of the first times
The last time I cried

Only if  she knew her self worth,
Wasn't all in her body but soul too,
It wouldn't have been a ****!
Oh yes,  the pain wouldn't have been the same.
Oh yes,  the pain wouldn't have been the same.

Only if she knew that those wounds would heal,
But the scars will remain,
And the society will find her to blame!
Oh yes, the pain wouldn't have been the same.
Oh yes, the pain wouldn't have been the same.


Only if she knew that her pain gave him joy,
And those few minutes of his pleasure would leave her destroyed!
Oh yes, the pain wouldn't have been the same.
Oh yes, the pain wouldn't have been the same.


Her soul crumbled before her eyes.
She screamed, she cried and lost all her pride.
She casted all those touches away.
She screamed at their faces everyday.
She lost herself astray.


Only if you would have known that
She wasn't crying because she was *****,
But because some other she at some other place was being *****.
Oh yes, only then you would have felt her pain,
Which is Evermore like the incessant rain.

kitchen floor
thanks for being my dance floor
i cried on the kitchen floor once
i cried over that one guy that one time
but the kitchen floor was still my dance floor in the end

Marmalade where are you now? In
the jar on the breakfast table -
preserved for all to see but gradually
going down - until there's nothing left
of you or centre or top or bottom
only a brush tail, maybe two as
your friend was with you - when you
were put inside, I remember how you
and all of us cried, it was quite a
squeeze getting you both in but
finally it was done and the lid
firmly put in place - one after another
a sad face wedged against the glass -
only temporary as all things come to pass

you held me down and pinned both my wrists to my sides while i screamed and i yelled and i abused everything in sight. your body weight kept me down; you were strong enough to keep me from hurting myself but gentle enough not to hurt me. i cried and i thrashed and i told you i didn't love you anymore i told you that you were the problem i blamed you for everything wrong in my life and you just stayed put without a single word and didn't stop me because you knew when i entered this state of mind, you just had to let it play out its course. i had a shaking body and a tear-stained face but at least i did not have ****** wrists. i eventually cried it out and as i lost energy from the fight i gave up and my body went limp. you let go of me then and sat right besides me. you held my cold body close to you and the sound of my slow breathing played in your ears all night. you couldn't sleep, how could you? my vile words and false accusations tore through your heart and your mind and even though you knew i didn't mean them it didn't matter because these words would go through your head for the rest of your life. but you put them aside and watched the rise and fall of my chest, thankful that the heart underneath it was still beating and that's what kept you going. sometimes you wondered whether the real me was the one late at night who left bruises and cuts on your chest when i tried to push you away so that i could hurt myself again or the 10am me who begged for your forgiveness, the one with dark circles under her eyes and regret in her veins. sometimes you think back to the time i pushed you out the front door and you sat outside on the doorstep until i opened it 5 hours later and fell into your arms sobbing. sometimes you think back to the time i baked you cookies and cupcakes and burnt them a little because i've never been able to create with my hands, only destroy. at the end of it all, you watch me sleep, my tiny body cuddled into yours and even after all is said and done, you look up to the night sky and thank the stars and the sky and destiny or whatever greater power is out there for keeping me safe just this one more night.

You need to realize
He gave you paradise
He makes you smile
Even if he makes you cry--a lot

You exorcized
my being
by leaving me harshly
through every tear
that left my eye lid

I felt it escape my physical form
from my toes through my nose
the shaking and the wailing
it was worth it

I was exorcized
I was relieved
from the demons
infecting my brain
I was lightened
from the ******* burden
that pulled me down
hell was no longer a fear

I was beyond that
I was in limbo
with a demon in my head
a virus of no antidote
spoiling my insides

I was exorcized
I felt at ease
and yes
it was
when
I cried

I cry in the shower
so you cant hear how sad I am
I hide behind the door to my room
so you don't see how much of a mess I am
I do all these things so you don't have to worry
I cry all alone because I don't want to bee week
Tired of the hateful words kids speak
I cried out to God or whoever was listening
that they would take my life as I cried awake at nigh
I don't expect you to know this
so it might surprise you
that when I smiled I was rely trying
when I laughed I just tried to bare it
Because even thou I hate the world
I love you
and I could never put you threw that
Even when you left me, and asked me to still be friends
I grinned and bared it
That was the first night that I really cried for something real
Don't worry I've lived this long I can deal