she lost her hope as the plane went down towards the ocean
in 400 knots

she closed her eyes right before she lost her heartbeat

In the light of things
Life is precious
Limited to a few seconds
Which can feel like eternity
When disaster strikes
And suddenly you see things
In a different perspective
Suddenly it's not the materialistic
Things that matter most
Suddenly it's not the superficial reality
That looks beautiful
Suddenly it's not what society thinks
That counts
Suddenly you feel the little things
the little moments
of excitement
With every breath you take
You get to appreciate
Even the tiniest of things
Suddenly it's not about what you should be
Nor what you are said to be
As the silence creeps all around
Distant noises of sirens echoing
The tension of years of struggle
Lifted...
And from the wreckage
A new man emerges

I almost got into a car crash tonight.
Not the kind of almost that you would notice.
It was the kind that I think of over and over.
That I could **** myself.
Right then and there.
I was going to do it too.
Because it’s better than feeling.
I feel
Sad
Depressed
Anxious
Scared
Tired
Unmotivated
Unwanted
Unneeded
Unnecessary

Woah

That’s a lot
I didn’t even realize how bad I feel until just now.

But I’m fine
No
Really I’m fine.

Don’t ask me what’s wrong
The answer is obvious
But it’s also so incredibly hidden
That even I don’t know.

I have a good life
Even though it’s toxic.

I have good friends
Even though I’m a burden to them.

Maybe I should rethink that car crash

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought about how hurt my loved ones would be.

They’re always ruining my suicide.

The way they love me
The way they care about me
It’s so annoying.

I wish they would make it easier for me and just stop caring.

I know I’m loved by some people
I can tell

But that doesn’t mean that I’m loved by myself.

I’m so unhappy right now.

But I’m fine.