What do I do with my life?
Extracurriculars
Running so far my feet can’t touch the floor
I’m lost
I don’t enjoy anything but writing
The pages that call my name
Keep my secrets between their pursed lips
No person is like this
What things do I like to do?
What do I love?
What does my heart throb for?
Writing
My heart calls for the expression
The words I can’t express unless I’m surrounded by my emotions
What do I like to do?
I never understood why
I never understood how
I was never my own person
One who only paid attention to herself
I’m the side character in my own life
Why is that?
Do I have to like everything?
I don’t know what to do
Besides write
And the paper will welcome me
Even after a day of ****** and claustrophobia
I’m safe in the arms of the pages
Safe forever:)

We never know when it will happen,
It does come around, often too many times,
We are sorting through many questions,
Thought’s circling, in our mind,

We each have our  ideas, emotions,
Inner feelings, then others, try to pull us,
Their way, they could lead us the wrong way,
Confusing, us the rest of this life’s stay.

Sometimes, you have to juggle them around,
We have to evaluate the situations,
Some we may be able to see live now,
Others empty promises, and dreams are never found.

The Original: Tom Maxwell © 12/8/2021AD

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, November writes:}

felt my own selfishness
felt my own blindness
my underestimate
that fatal weight
of my own expressions carried
on upon other people's sights become buried
interactive confusion
paid the price to concealing them delusions
but when I look at her
I see me in skin bare
the old one who never tried
never been one to cry
that lost featured
that defeat creatured
in each eye across me that mockery
embraced for that heredity
not the only one I felt
blamed and met
ached a hurdle
to trace the burden
all nothing new
to an age which I won't be able to view
won't be able to perceive
under eyes won't be able to deceive
how is fairness unfair?
how is change a pit of despair?
shame
claimed
eight and hours faint
to not be on paint
where is my heart now to be fooled?
where is my mind now to scream its soul?
where is my body now to regret those striped drools?
we swim in pools
our skies failed us with lies
don't convince me otherwise
maybe is not a maybe anymore just
for it to be a must
watching now I freeze
try to refuse try to not feel
betray myself
is a betray of herself
can't look in the eye all now
a scar would dig behind that frown
because memories from the inside
**** my pride
like some clown
hunt and drown

                                                               ­                      -------ravenfeels

Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try

the ground had turned to mud by then,
trod and sod by step and blood
mixed by death-thrown armored legs
to sickly anxious paste.
the war was weeks if to a day
a battle for which no one knew,
waged between two righteous foes
the princes Lux and Antilum.
Triplets these, with brother Mono,
whom, upon the sidelines stood,
pausing with his armies there
unsure of whom to back.
He waited long and lone, apart,
till blood had dried in broken hearts
till thousands been reduced to two
and family met 'pon earth and rot.
He watched as brother cleft through brother,
watched as one won over other,
watched as blood ran hot from ruined
mouths that screamed after eachother.
On that day in chill'd fall
he stepped into the field of carnage
and as his brothers fought he brought
them each into his arms.
But Lux and Antilum still fought
and in their haze of blood saw not
the wounds which they now wrought
upon their dearest brother.
And silent Mono fell, alone,
hands still tight about his dagger
feeling still the awful chill
of steel between his ribs.