#conflicted poems on Hello Poetry

km Feb 2018

i still feel that comfort when im with you
but at the same time i feel nervous when you’re around
I’ve always had the idea of you and I on the back of my mind
don’t know if i should just go for it
or even believe if this is for real

lh

#confused #love #lust #crush #conflicted

Fritzi Melendez Jan 2018

Her

I hear the whispering again, a soft spoken voice.
Creeping into my ear and making me feel conflicted on whether I should rejoice.

Are you my savior or the spawn of the hell I've been dealing with lately?
Are you going to rid my pain with the words you utter to me?

She doesn't answer my questions, just states what she says.
Taunting me with her hollow lips and her non-existent face.

I'm in constant fear, but I also adore her.
Her; is that her name or is she just my mind's blur?

I want to ask, but she doesn't answer me back.
Yet her presence makes my mind’s vision lack.

I don't know who she is, maybe a figment from my cerebral?
Though, I have to abide to what she says; she'll threaten me with something lethal.

She wants to tell me so many things, she told me I had to know.
She acts like an angel, but I guess it's just for show.

She turns her back, and her wings are dipped in an ink of black.
She sits in front of me with a razor cupped in her hand; her smile makes my skull crack.

She says I'm in danger, is she talking about herself?
I can't ask questions, yet the curiosity engulfs.

She is always there, perched beside my ear.
"Soon the pain will go away my dear."

She's so loud, yet her whispers crawl through my skin.
"Loud Silence." she tells me with a grin.

Her voice is constantly in a whir.
My brain, her home, it's all for Her.

it 's ju st
He r. H er. Her . H
e r. H er.
H e r .

A poem on the whispers and voices I've been hearing lately.

#her #schizophrenia #depression #anxiety #tragedy #fear #conflicted

Lydia Jan 2018

Before I Start Over

I found my boots where I discarded them five hours ago when I left for work
I shouldn't have been surprised- I knew I had put them there
I just usually don't

My boss was still around when I got there
He put me on an hour earlier for Fridays, so I suppose I'll see him every once in awhile now
When it's just a little too early for him to go home

I hate leaving for seven am in the dark with my hair wet
Distant shuffling noises, echoed ghosts of late last night
Shadows I can't understand
Only cut through by kind people who make breakfast when I can't pull myself together

Our habitat is warm- it surrounds me like a rainforest exhibit in a museum
Somehow not unfamiliar, or exotic,
Exactly like you expected,
Exactly like the pictures

I fell asleep at noon when I got home
Late nights to early mornings to interviews for a real job
Late nights to early mornings to nursing classes
So it goes

I don't remember when my socks came off
When I crawled into bed
When I woke up half alive
I wouldn't have remembered to leave for work at all if I hadn't set an alarm late last night when I got home

"I can't believe I'm doing this."
No time at home, just notes and then more notes and then
Sleep, I guess
Sleep and work and sleep at work as long as I'm on break
Not breaking focus, eyes on some sort of goal I can't quite see yet
But it's there, I know it's there, I've heard it, like a rumor spread so many **** times you can't help but believe it like the most obvious fact
So I'm here, straight as an arrow
Shorts on, notebook out, letting my tea seep into my spirit and fill in all the cracks before I start over

First of all, can anyone guess my current (part time, think high school/college student) job? Tomorrow I submit my application for a nursing assistant program. I have had OCD since I was ten, causing me to fear contamination more than anything. It is also an extra month of trying to save money from work and balanxe classes at the same time. So I'm laying here in bed and could finally finish this poem with the added inspiration, "I can't believe I'm doing this." Please comment! :)

#nursing #work #life #social #fear #anciety #ocd #happy #tired #conflicted

samantha page Jan 2018

love

she says she wants
affection,
kisses,
love.
and I can do that
but I need to know
if she wants it from me

#love #kiss #affection #crush #conflicted #cupid

Nicole Jan 2018

I'm Not as Heartless as You Think I Am

I finally took the sweatshirt out of my car
It smells like you
Hotel linen suffocating my senses
And for a moment I'm lost
Even though we're not great together
You still run through my mind too often
The quiet nights in your dorm room
Walking along the beach together
Me making jokes in the haunted house to calm your anxiety
Talking to goats at the pumpkin farm
Even getting hyped while playing video games
You are everywhere
And I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you
It's so conflicting because
I know we were unhappy at the end
But maybe it could've worked out
If I tried a little harder
Instead of just giving up
But I didn't know where it would go
And it wasn't healthy anymore
You wanted forever and I wasn't sure I could give you that
I'm trying so hard to live in the moment these days
Which is hard when I can't stop thinking about you
But I hope you're doing ok

#love #relationships #ex #senses #memories #conflicted #confused

Benji James Dec 2017

Stanger To Myself

Your body's wearing thin  
Your hearts hanging by a string 
You thought you'd take a leap 
Off of the ledge  
Now your clinging to the edge
 Only by a thread  
And everything you thought you are 
Feels different than before

Can't seem to figure out what's changed
 I'm a stranger to myself 
Thought that was unlikely  
Thought I'd always understand me 
But then again I've never been understanding  
Just a little demanding  
Expecting too much of myself 
Trying to compare myself  to everybody else

Look at the mess your in 
Look at where you've been
 Yeah let's go to hell and back
 You need help  
But asking was something you lacked 
Now looking back,
 I should have had some trust 
In the ones, I loved
 Instead, I thought I could deal
with everything  on my own  
Only to end up all alone

Can't seem to figure out what's changed
I'm a stranger to myself 
Thought that was unlikely
 Thought I'd always understand me 
But then again I've never been understanding
 Just a little demanding  
Expecting too much of myself 
Trying to compare myself  to everybody else

Oh my own mind is my cell 
All these thoughts are my hell
 And now your losing yourself 
Following the trends of everybody else 
Just be who you are
 Be who you wanna be 
Don't be somebody else 
Don't sacrifice your originality
 Just take a moment to see
 You were created perfectly 
Down to every fault and flaw 
Down to every mistake you made
 Because they made you who you are today

Can't seem to figure out what's changed 
I'm a stranger to myself 
Thought that was unlikely  
Thought I'd always understand me 
But then again I've never been understanding  
Just a little demanding  
Expecting too much of myself 
Trying to compare myself  to everybody else

©2017 Written By Benji James

#conflicted #feelings #thoughts #hurting #sadness

Gage B Nov 2017

A phrase to let down

I love how you use words
that excite me to think about
and how I hate that your
words never turn into the fantasy
i see through my eyes

#love #hate #conflicted #her #complicated #fantasize #crazy #excited #true

Dazed Dreaming Oct 2017

Oregon leaves...

As I drove through a small town in oregon, I couldn't help but pull over and stop.
I don't know what came over me..
But I had to stop.
I got out of my car.
Stood next to a lonely and deserted highway.
And took in everything around me.
All the trees were different shades of red..
Some were yellow with hues of orange.
Simply put, it took my breath away..

I listened as the wind picked up..
I listened to the rustling of all the fallen leaves swirling around at my feet.

I listened to the stream that was nearby..
The urgency of water rushing over bolders and rocks..
Oh, My Beautiful oregon..
I'm going to miss everything about you.

It was a rare moment in my life where I felt completely conflicted...

This was my home...

How foolish of me not to realize I'd actually be this torn.

I knew that with me closing the final door and chapter on a part of my life...
That space needed to happen for me..
I knew..
I couldn't stay...
In beautiful..
Rich..
Intoxicating
Invigorating..
Peaceful..
Oregon..

It was this truth that brought tears to my eyes..
As I watched the sun rise...
It was a truth I guess I let slip my mind.

...
So I made a silent promise to myself..

I promised myself..
That someday...
Someday in the future..
I'd return...
To the only place I ever really considered home.

My Sweet Oregon.

I'll miss you.

#oregon #conflicted #feelings #changes #leaving #new #old