Why am I here?
Am I simply a placeholder
Sitting
In hopes of a way out
Maybe, no, yes, I'm just a placebo
Easing my way through a loophole
Accessing every cheat code
Now it seems I've run out of cheats
Taking them for granted to complete
Task after task after task.
Or, have I just run out of luck
Dreading this day
I guess it has struck
Even though I've been waiting for it.

What if I went out every night
& kept my phone on silent
so that every time you called
it would keep ringing & ringing
until my annoying voicemail
flooded your ears over & over
about three dozen times or more

Call again

What if I said I had too much going on
& that my grandparents or father
needed my assistance for something
far more important than wasting
any of my time on you or your family
even though plans were nonexistent

Try again

What if I was late to school almost
two times a week because I knew
I could get away with sneaking to
her house while you woke your
mom up so that she could take you
to school because I was "oversleeping"

Late again

What if I held your hand everyday
down the hallways of this hell hole
& kissed you goodbye before each
& every bell, but found my seat
next to her in the back of the room
where no one would suspect a thing

Goodbye again

What if you started to notice that
I was slowly starting to fade away
& thought I was talking with her
& I yelled at you for accusing me
& thinking I was untrustworthy
& maybe I forgot the real truth myself

Yell again

What if I got caught in her bed
one early morning by her father
& he called & told my mother
& she threatened to kick me out
if I didn't tell you so I lied again
& promised that I had told you,
but I wasn't telling you anything

Lie again

What if someone else told you
& I ran out of lies to tell you,
but I still continued with my streak
& tried lying my way out of losing you,
but you were done with my *******

Done again

What if she wasn't my only lover on the side
What if I had lost count of all of them
What if I promised to change
What if

*You can't

Come down
Calm down!
No need to frown
Your horse is too high
Touching the sky of morality
My own mortality is all I have left after surrendering to you
Don't let there be a next time
As there is no defence when you commit a love crime!

Covered from head to toe.
A layer of sweat covered my face.
A pocket of space allowing me to breath a little
I'd been Knocked down like a skittle.
Rocked to the core by the blanket of lies you weaved.
Eventually relieved you jumped again which was your style treating love like a career path.

No it's fine
continue ignoring me when our eyes meet
I have nothing to say to you
but it's funny
how much I could say to her..

Seven
Stay lucky, get lucky, feel lucky
Seven has been just the opposite for me
Still a beating reminder of required change

Even when time has paused itself in your presence
Eternally, the seconds tick in my mind with
Endearing memories and happiness that felt like our
Endeavors would be infinite

Verifiably distraught with knowledge of the
Vacancy that soon would destroy both of our
Vessels that held hearts, hands, and futures we in-
Vested in each other so certain, so real

Either the number or the letters within held
Experiments with the chance of the game or our
Eyes could not see what exactly was in our hands
Eradicated the problem to reveal truth

Never had the trail felt continually
Narrow, the unraveling rope formed
Nooses in the number that haunts me, he
Nurtures the time, while I stay standing

Seven months since you left me.

it was dark
when you broke in
and made me feel
it was finally bright again
when you took off and ran

Alone here without you!
No choice but to doubt you!
You never where here for me!
You blinded and swindled me!

I was blind.
He said I was the only one,
I listened.
Not deaf...
But blind.
I can see now
But choose to be blind.
How messed up is that?

Yesterday was a time for intimate tongues
Ones that lunged for lust not love
Crept through secrets on a nighttime train
And marched with a runaway parade

The lips fell softly on subtle skin
Blame of scarcity born within
Caught cheating on another plane
With a love that always fades away