As I examine the contents of my soul
I’m disheartened by how much is missing,
and the condition of the remains
Over three years of regrowth;
over three years of growing pains
Your roots wove to every corner
The voids they left give me hell
After everything you put me through
It’s a feeling I know all too well

And then
When the night nighed
Her beauty sighed
She looked again into mirror
Beauty scattered by any error
Her face is a piece of cheater
Expert as liar quite neater
Then smoke emanated
As if my wishes detonated
Glasses broke into pieces
Ashamed of reflecting her face
To my Love, this is disgrace

~
Mirza Sharafat

I’ve been needing rescued since you left me drowning in your lies
You mtade me feel whole and left me felt shattered
I was loved and I was cheated
I felt like everything and now I feel nothing

He's cold;
Biting at the fingers
Hunting for the exposed skin
Turning it to ash
Finding sin
Nipping under the coat
He's winter,
And I witnessed the downfall of
All of the floral pieces under the sun
Watched them bend and die brittle
Dried and limp with frost
On the tips of its vanity,
Those that would cure she and he -
Wow, she
Flying in a sky filled with hazy poppies
Trailing her kids along to
Jumping fences over heartache
Inside of a globe filled with pain.

1 second, 2 seconds
3 seconds, 4
i can't breathe... I'm
clutching my chest trying to
stay off the floor
5 ticks, 6 ticks
7 ticks, 8
how could he...why couldn't
he just learn to appreciate..
what he had.
what he had.
me. me.
i can't breathe.
BUSY. stay busy.
count again. again.
1 click, 2 clicks
3 clicks, 4
my heart is beating
my chest is sore
count. count.
please keep counting.
stay busy.
5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi
7 Mississippi, 8
my knees are weakened
and my vision's filled with hate
9 taps, 10 taps
11 taps and 12
12...12.... what comes after 12?
13. right. 13.
13....14....15...16...
do you think he'll even miss me?

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-

you stood in my space
swallowed my air
made me feel like i was
living in a bubble
made of mirrors
i thought the world was
slipping out from
underneath me and
it seemed like i'd
fall asleep to your voice
telling me i was
unfair an unjust
cheating on you like
an attention-*****
and i'd wake up
to see you
bless me with your
kisses and your hair
falling on your
forehead
you were just
so easy to love
boy, you are
just so easy to love.

i never cheated on you
never lied, never
went behind your back
there were times
i stepped out to
take a breath of
fresh air because
i felt like i was living
in a room full of
hot air made of your
breath and
it just got too much
for me but
my walk outside
never meant
walking into
someone else's life
and i don't know
how to show you
that i would never
betray you but
sometimes i needed
to just be on my own
and even when i was
on my own sometimes
i just needed to not
hear your voice
in my head
because there were
already so many
voices inside there

but ****, boy,
i never left you
hanging and i still
want to hold on
to the memories and
the feelings i felt
(i still feel)
but ****,
you're going around
telling them i was a
cheat and a liar
as if i was made
of hell's fire
i didn't let you
burn no matter how
many times i felt
like a volcano

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-

I remember when your dad would beat you
those were the times I'd see you cry
I just wanted to help you fly
far away from all the hurt and pain
but you just wanted to die
you were a drain
you drained me
I was there for you through hell and back
when things got bad for me you'd just pack
****** nose and drunken nights
remember that time you ran away
took too many drugs and almost died
and you blamed it all on me
I didn't give you those drugs
that made you feel like you were covered in bugs
your the one that cheated on me
I had to be free
from all the unimaginable pain you put me through
I was the one who flew
to get away from you and your blue eyes
a big part of me dies
when you come to this small town
we still hook up every time you visit
when you leave again it makes me want to paint my wrist
with deep red
and to go to sleep in bed
forever

A mere few days
And we had almost
Gotten back together

I got you a present
And you saw our future
But I guess love much like you
Is not that simple
It’ll show you the best
And give you the worse
When you least expect it

And so it was
When you confessed
To your lies
And broke me once again

But this isn’t about me
Or my heart that you broke
Or my souls that you consumed
Or my mind that you poisoned

This is about you
And your blatant lies
The ones you fed me with love
For breakfast lunch and dinner

This is about how I trusted you
Blindly and unconditionally
If the words came from you
They were default correct for me

This is about how you had no guilt
As you pretended
To be someone you’re not
And showed me a you
That didn’t even exist

And I don’t want the you
That exists

The you that exists is a liar
The you that’s real is a cheat

But look at my misery
I say
i love you
When I don’t even know **you

And it didn't surprise me that
you cheated on board games too

Every time we went out
I saw you searching for someone new

I wish I trusted my instincts
I wish I knew all of my thoughts were true

But you will never understand
what you put me through

You move your piece three times
when you rolled a two

Despite all of this
I still gave my hard earned win to you