blood courses like crimson rivers
in my cells
i envision darkness through the corners of my eyes
****** into the core of this earth
we never get out, do we?
we never change, actually
i know us humans
lying is our defense mechanism
we can’t capture oxygen in our lungs
without running off our tongues
people don’t lose touch
they consciously “forget” something that isn’t convenient for them
a person
it’s that simple
it isn’t rocket science
they make it quite apparent
we never change
our bones grow
but our souls-
they don’t
they just age along with what we are taught
what knowledge our brains can wrap themselves around
so we create new memories
but we never truly move on from the past ones
they stick like honey
along the walls
breathe-
they won’t dissipate
they don’t dissolve
people don’t change
people are selfish
they want your body and they’ll do whatever they want to touch it
no matter your decision
unless you ruthlessly punish them
or let the storm do all the ***** work
we cry with the sixty percent of liquid sloshing inside of our skin suits
we pound on the outer edge
sometimes scream to let us-
the hostages-
out
but somehow
conveniently
they forget we ever meant anything more than a change in the air
a change in their environment
a little switch
people don’t change
no matter what they say
the amount of times they’ll say they are sorry
they’ll never actually mean it
with every fiber of their being
you 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 change
your petite self ain’t gonna change him
he’ll still go out with girls upon girls
and open up doors
and legs
he’ll still reprimand you for doing absolutely 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠
like being 𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐝
he wants you in 𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑐
he wants you 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑟
people don’t change
ever since the fourth grade
he’s been beating himself up cause he was always so 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒
so 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦
so 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠
and you can’t fix that
with the fragments left of your kindhearted heart
people don’t change
we’ll never escape
school is just preparing you for more school
work waits patiently with you
for retirement
your back burns from trying to staple your spine back into what it was a few years ago
the crushing of skulls
is the only motivation you’re receiving
i sat in a 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦 desk
my gluts were aching
as i just had to sit there until the grim reaper lifted my feet up
he left me hanging there on the rope-
i don’t even believe in the grim reaper
he ain’t gonna collect my cold and desolate body and place it somewhere-
in a grave
where people who will never be better
will place me in the ground
they’ll be corpses soon
but they aren’t aware of that
cause we get no due date
for our own deaths
no warning
unless you’re slowing deteriorating on a hospital bed surrounded by white walls that
swallow you up like a man-eating whale
people don’t change
life slams into you with the force of a ten million ton freight train
it leaves faster than a scared and lonely teenager when they are asked if they are fine-
quick note: they are never ever ever ever fine
asking that question won’t do anyone any good
won’t cause their bodies to slow the process called life
that stings more than death will ever be capable of
people don’t change
they only like to think they do
so they can act like they are changing the world
when they are really just getting 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑟 and
𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑟

seasons are changing
and miracles are coming
do you understand the signs?

(or do you misinterpret them
the same way that i do
every godforsaken time?)

Trouble, good o’ friend;
Have you come to visit me once again?
I passed the streets, walking through paved stones;
Looking through stalls as people dance.
Like dusking eve, blown where life shown;
In solitude, in dismay, I am not at home.
For who have you come for, if not my lone heart?
The clouds downpour, life is like a dart.
People drift along like dripping blood;
I find blood easy to dry, yet a longevity of stain.
Smear myself in cold blood, my attire continues changing.
If only, if that, if then, good o’ friend;
Must you only live by if?

We talk like strangers
bemoan the weather
the traffic in the city these days

Everything we should say disappears

All the messy feelings
the late night meetings
sharing every detail of our days

In the spaces in between
we forget each of the last ten years
we fade from each other

Is this falling out of love?

You see me now don't you?
You see a girl who's struggling harder than ever
But you also see a girl who's the strongest she's ever been
You see a girl who has worked on herself
And is still working
Getting rid of bad habits
And replacing them with new, better ones
A girl who can set boundaries
A girl who can say no
A girl who may be struggling with death
But is still choosing to fight her hardest to stay
You didn't think I could change
But here I am
The girl of your dreams slowly emerging
Flawed, but willing to invest in herself
It's amazing isn't it?
How you never thought I could change
But here I am blowing your mind

Intuition at it's finest when feeling the seasonal changing of its metamorphosis is coming ahead. A foreseeing truthful measure of action (over the wonder of its own inevitable evolution).

i heard your words
"that's all she was"
so i decided
to put on a show

now you can't compare me
to anything you know
cause i'm a butterfly
that learned to grow

I haven't been able to write for awhile,
I've been more focused on just trying to smile.

I have loved and lost,
Each time with a bigger cost.

This time around my heart was broken,
Yet he wears pieces like a token.

When I needed someone the most,
They left like a ghost.

I let my cuts go deeper without a care,
Making sure that no one was aware.

Writing this is like a confession,
I have a major depression.