Take the keys and drive
and drive and drive
don't look back just drive.
The girl cruised down the highway
hanging onto the wheel
foot pressed ******* the accelerator
forcing her eyes to stay open.
Drive away, drive away, drive away.
The car can only go so fast.
Why can't this feeling of freedom last?
As the gas light blinks on
the girl blinks her eyes hard
and looks to the horizon once more.
She is not far enough away yet
but the need to leave is stronger
So she ignores the light
eventhough it's wrong.
Racing at a speed deemed unsafe
especially with the gas light on.

It was in your car we shared our first kiss
as I raced out to catch the train
and you caught my nose instead of my lips.

It was in your car I agreed to meet your friends
and you told me for the first time
I was beautiful when I smiled.

It was in your car new years day
you nearly crashed three times because
you wouldn’t keep your eyes on the road but instead on me.

It was in your car you decided that night
to take me to the park before home and
we danced in the dark under the stars.

It was in your car on that 40 degree day
we got half naked on the back seat and
made out the afternoon away

and it was in your car you broke up with me
on the way home from a weekend away,
where I realised I was in love with you.

today on my drive home from work
i made
eye contact
with the girl who stopped next to me at a
traffic light
nothing was precisely
romantic
about the situation
but it was nice to share some sort of
space
with someone
for a split second before we both looked away
i kept glancing back at her
to see if she was looking in my general direction again
but i guess that split second was the only
space
she was willing to share
because she never looked back
and that's okay.

You owned that second
when I could do
nothing

You ruled the world
as the road shrank
in my eyes

You Oh Allah
were my seatbelt
which held

You were the airbag
that loved me
in a flash

You were all and above
when I slid
as nothing

You whispered hush
and steel noise and glass
complied

You oh Allah
took no life there
nor let me

You control the heavens
earth and in-between
and You decide

Can I ever repay
You for a blink
of lasting life?

There we where just cruising along
But I could tell something was wrong

Your temperature was starting to rise
And off of you smoke started to rise

Then you just up and died
I looked to the sky

And I cry
Why

Why now, why you
Why Lord, now what do I do


I call a tow trunk to come to our aid
To pick up the mess that you made

He picks up your useless carcass
I just want to cuss
Never again we'll it be us

I used to look into your eyes and think that nothing could ever get to me.
You always said I'd be safe with you and no body could ever hurt me.
We planned and laughed and dreamt about the future we would have.
Then one day you hurt me.
You stole that all from me.
I found someone in my spot, naked and guilty.
You looked at me and told me that you didn't mean it.
It was all lies.
Lies.
That I believed.
You made me feel like it was my fault.
That I was the one who made you.
You hurt my name and my heart and didn't care at all.
You broke my heart.
My body went into shock.
The days that felt like weeks and the nights that felt like years.
I was numb. I felt numb.
You tore through all my layers and left me so vulnerable.
I felt like I was standing on a cliff so lifeless and light that even a small amount of wind could push me off the edge.
You drank and partied and bullied me.
You showed me that you didn't care.
While I wasn't sleeping and wishing that I could die
Until I got up and started building myself again.
I realised I could walk and breathe by myself.
Life became real again and not just a nightmare.
I became me again and bounced around with laughter.
I met another person.
He is so much fun. He's taught me how to love again.
He's made me smile like I used to.
He doesn't make me feel alone and always stands beside me.
Holds my hand and holds me tight.
Let's me walk towards my dreams and cheers me from the sideline.
He wants me to succeed and doesn't hold me back.
My life is so exciting.
Until I go to sleep at night.
Where that day still haunts me.
The day I saw a blue car.
And a girl in bed with you.
A girl that wasn't me.
I didn't feel safe that day.
I felt so lost and lonely.
I didn't have anywhere to go.
You were the place I used to go.
But I know it wasn't me.
It was you.
As I learn to deal with it.
My life gets brighter.
It is hard.
But it will be worth it.
And maybe it won't haunt me
Just be a distant memory.
One day you will understand exactly what you did.
When you finally feel remorse
I'll be so far away in my happy place living and enjoying life
You will be the one feeling like I did.
You will be awake at night.
Thinking about that day.
Wondering if I still hate you.
Let me help you now.
I do not hate you.
I forgive you.
But I will never forget.

I stood at the street corner under the blistering heat, waiting for the bus to arrive.
I'm not even supposed to be out today, I thought, but I hate to be stuck at home on a dismal Wednesday.

I left the house wearing my Jurassic Park shirt not knowing where I was headed, then decided coffee was always a good idea.
After months of forbidding it, I permitted myself to peer into the corners of my memory and recall the name of that quaint little coffee place you used to work at.
'The service here is amazing, ain't it?'
'You should let other people tell you that.'
'Well, it pays to be courteous.'
Thinking of you seems to be harmless now.

Sweat started to trickle down my nape. The cars were at a standstill. I assumed the stoplight was broken until it turned green and cars started to speed past me. Out of habit, I checked the plate of every white sedan that passed by, in hopes of seeing yours. The light turned red again.

I could see the bus from where I stood. I scanned cars that didn't even remotely resemble yours. For a split-second, I thought I caught a glimpse of the familiar rickety white auto. Don't be stupid, I reminded myself.

The light went green. I saw that I had made no mistake. It's him. My insides went numb.

I struggled to keep a straight face; to remain as stoic as I was seconds ago, but I could feel my expression betray me for a moment. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away. The sedan passed and I could almost swear it slowed down as it drove by me.

I couldn't even tell if it was really you in the driver's seat. I remember often complaining about your windows being too tinted. I tried not to grin at the memory.

When you had passed, I allowed myself one last glance at the plate, and then you were gone.

Thoughts competed for a spot in my head. Did he see me? Did he recognize me? Was he with anyone? Where was he going?

Was it even real?

The bus honked louder and snapped me out of my daze. I got on.

• • •

I was sprawled on the couch with a book on my lap, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the phone. What was left of my sanity argued that you had no reason to reach out. Still, I waited.

At this point, I was drenched in flashbacks of what was, and it all feels like it was only a dream. I was in the passenger seat of your car again, my eyes half-lidded, classical music on the radio; and through my peripheral, I could see the sunlight hitting your face, and I had never seen anything so captivating. The reality of you seems to have come out of a novel - arriving at the most unforeseen time and staying only for as long as the Universe grants. A mirage, in every sense of the word. I wondered if any of it happened at all.

The phone rang.

Like a car in hydroplane
Or a run away train
These thoughts of mine are off the track
Anxiety on top of anxiety stacked
There is no coming back