i don't like the thought of leaving

i suppose i never did
they had to pull me out of my mothers
womb
by my feet
as i was reaching at the
inside
walls of her stomach
trying to grasp onto something that wasn't there.

that's probably the first time i got this
feeling
you know the one that you get
at the end of a trip
when it feels as
if
your stomach is eating itself.
and that's the feeling i'm
feeling
right now
as i sense an ending being near,
the end of some sort of
chapter
and it's scary
with the knowledge that i'll never get those months back.
and it's
...
/frightening/

today at lunch my dad told me that
when he was
my age
he was married, paying for an apartment, and going to school.
i wish i could let that go.
instead i've been looking at my dead end ******* job
like a coffin with my name on it
like i'm gonna die the same way i lived
in the food industry
bury me with mcdonalds soft serve
and a chicken jr. from burger king.

and i can feel myself grabbing for the inside
of my mothers stomach
and there's nothing to hold on to.
and without any sort of warning
i am pulled out of my warm
bunker
and i'm tossed into the cold dark world
and all i can do is cry
and let go.

there was a time in my life
where i didn’t feel i needed you
but it’s safe to say
that was before we ever met

and though i wouldn’t label it as an
obsession by any means
still an infatuation
nonetheless

and now it’s not that i need you
but more so i want you
because i believe i can
survive on my own

well, i think that
then here comes my medusa
to look me in the eyes
and turn me to stone.