alive for you 6.26.25 (9:13 pm / 21:13)
i like to think i stay alive for you
i like to believe i breathe for you
i like to imagine my heart beats for you

i might be wrong
i'm probably crazy
it's a nice thought, anyways

[playing: the lakes - bonus track by taylor swift]

fields of lavender
as far as the eye can see,
in rows of scented purple
growing insatiable idiosyncrasies,
our minds are a rich, deep soil
and the children of our thoughts
run free,

run free
and light,
run free
and careless,
like a river to the sea.

the heart is programmed
to be broken,
to let in the light,
and the earth in us is woken,
our heart will open,
it will open,

when we take in our first
breath of this heaven.

Smile.
I bet your aching gums would want that.
Flowers.
I bet your girl would adore them.
Breathe,
because I know you are dying to again.

He was seething,
but I was finally breathing.

I stood in his shadow for far too long,
mesmerized by his siren song.

I apologized for my words and held my sharp tongue,
while he never did so—I remained overstrung.

I resent myself for having endured so much,
but that's okay, as those were the years of my nascence.

Now, I stand tall in the shadow of my own dignity,
away from the wretched hands of his vanity.

He decays now, murderously slow,
while I relish my freedom forevermore.

He is seething,
I am breathing.

One minute to say “Goodbye”.
No words and no need to think of,
No grief of grudges and no regrets.
It’s the last minute of our love.

Your cold look and measured breathing,
Your silence and breathing ‘in out’ in tune.
Could you and I imagined, my dear,
That we’d end up like this as soon?

The minute is dreadfully long.
It’s like the time completely stops.
We can soothe the heart, freeze the soul,
But we can’t get pardon from love. No hopes.

I heard
Winds chime for those
with a tendency to feel things too deeply.
Every time it clanged,
I felt you right here.
Reaching.
I think
I’ve done a poor job
accepting
a need to be loved so completely.
Spinning.
Spinning
to outrun you,
to outrun me,
to climb somewhere high enough
where only the wind might greet me.
Breathing.
Breathing.
Breathing.

Long since I once traveled,
and long since I started.
In joy, I reveled,
and in hate, I departed.

Most would agree,
But I have yet to see.
Just what it means to be,
To follow my beam with glee.

Shouldn't I have had a warning?
Surely one to keep me from going,
To where one keeps thoughts jarring.
No, that would have kept me from roaming.

Lights begin to fade,
And it grows a long bit of shade.
I stare into the darkness it made.
Knowing it'll swallow me as I wade.

"I've done well" my last thought.
The light wanes and eyes strain.
I blink and it all goes out, giving it all it's got.
I know it wasn't in vain.