The words we spoke that night still echo in my brain
Just as the footsteps echo through this empty house
You made my house our home
Now you are gone
Having left me wounded, alone, and to be eaten alive
I don’t understand love anymore
You walked out the door, never looking back for a second
Left me to wonder and wither
Your boots were tossed
I was tossed
I am so lost
Living this blonde nightmare
Where everything I see is us


We were to be ghosts together
Share love forever
And now, I’ll never forget this nightmare
Your strands cling to the floor
All I want is for you to walk through the door
You gave me no reply
I fell so far, hitting the bottom
Feeling like death, this barbaric thing
Eats me alive
I shake and shake
Can not get warm
Why did we let this happen


Now I wallow in darkness and despair
Your blonde hair is everywhere
You know not how deep you cut
Our love was supposed to never die
We were to be ghosts together
Now we are just ghosts to each other
Never speaking again
You scent hangs over me
I can’t stop shaking
You tossed me away
I am as good as dead
Your blonde hair is my nightmare
You’re a ghost
I feel like you’re dead and I was responsible
I can’t fix this and it’s killing me

cigarettes make me feel better about abandoning you
I want a jeep because of when you would drive your mom's
and play rap songs
I want to be what I thought you were

the sight
of a blonde Austrian 5-year-old girl
happily hugging a Senegal mammy in Vienna
joys me beyond belief

Your fingertips cascade softly like silk against my skin, and your breath is warm; invading the nape of my neck with muffled desire.
I cannot forget the way you smell, and the texture of your deep golden hair.
Brassy locks resting against my palm.
Those deep blue pools I submerge myself in never fail to swallow me whole.
I can only touch you in dreams, hold you in dreams.

Where was it I left off? Oh yes, the rebellion of a slave to its master

I Believed my deceitful heart knew the way, but the way to disaster

As the days visited me and went, the colder I grew, and the more beauty fled

I scratched, I punched, I kicked, I hit the doors to try to break them open... and continuously I bled...

My eyes grew white and blind... so I could not see the destruction I was causing to myself and around me...

I was so certain that this hall was the hall where my life would unfold, where I'd find everything I could ever need...

Skin chipped away, muscles scrapped slowly down to the bitter bone...  I refused to have anything heal

I made a blood pool mess of pride at the entrance... along with a few puddles of a broken deal...

My God did not leave me though... He was there... but within spirit... but I denied it...I didn't care about my loss of purity

"Do you not have trust?" A young blonde servant whispered, kneeling to my level of insecurity...

"Why continue to make your self suffer when you can rise again?"

"And what reason would I have to rise? My desired fellowship will never amend..."

I intended to be rude to show her kindness and words were not welcome here

"You sound as if our Master is unfair... You doubt him.. you doubt his decisions, His choices, it's that clear..."

"You must be in His favor... To be so hopeful and life filled... Do you even have the slightest taste of suffering?"

Her knees laid in my pool of blood, her blue jeweled eyes stared into mine, my mind constantly puzzling

Closing those sapphires, and reopening them brought forth a vision of her past or tormenting love and tears

" Foolish girl... You're selfish to believe you are alone in this feeling... I was ONCE lock in your cell... Trapped by fear"

"And there are more down another hall who would know that pain all too well... Please... arise and come with me..."

"Why?.... What's the point when I have already fallen and failed and there is no possible better beauty..."

"They can answer your doubts and questions since they have had the same shoes..."

".... but I'm too blinded to even see my self... all I see is strangely you.." I tried to look down... but pain wouldn't allow me to move

"Then I guess you have no choice but to trust me... Do you think you can treat your wounds if you can't even see your own body?"

Anger irrupted inside of me... Only because I know this Blonde was right. So with her guiding hand, I rose to my feet

My soul screaming and shouting... Begging to rebell... but how could I? My body was dying and in defeat...

One warm white skinned arm wrapped around my brittle waist to guide me to the other side of the castle

A trail of blood footprints followed behind me... As I felt the connection between my flesh and the beaten door hassled

Trying to carefully slip away... I could feel the strength in her arm... there was no escape

So off me and this Blonde went... Leaving behind the hall that I want and also, or so I thought, the Hall God had planned and shaped...