the sight
of a blonde Austrian 5-year-old girl
happily hugging a Senegal mammy in Vienna
joys me beyond belief

Your fingertips cascade softly like silk against my skin, and your breath is warm; invading the nape of my neck with muffled desire.
I cannot forget the way you smell, and the texture of your deep golden hair.
Brassy locks resting against my palm.
Those deep blue pools I submerge myself in never fail to swallow me whole.
I can only touch you in dreams, hold you in dreams.

Where was it I left off? Oh yes, the rebellion of a slave to its master

I Believed my deceitful heart knew the way, but the way to disaster

As the days visited me and went, the colder I grew, and the more beauty fled

I scratched, I punched, I kicked, I hit the doors to try to break them open... and continuously I bled...

My eyes grew white and blind... so I could not see the destruction I was causing to myself and around me...

I was so certain that this hall was the hall where my life would unfold, where I'd find everything I could ever need...

Skin chipped away, muscles scrapped slowly down to the bitter bone...  I refused to have anything heal

I made a blood pool mess of pride at the entrance... along with a few puddles of a broken deal...

My God did not leave me though... He was there... but within spirit... but I denied it...I didn't care about my loss of purity

"Do you not have trust?" A young blonde servant whispered, kneeling to my level of insecurity...

"Why continue to make your self suffer when you can rise again?"

"And what reason would I have to rise? My desired fellowship will never amend..."

I intended to be rude to show her kindness and words were not welcome here

"You sound as if our Master is unfair... You doubt him.. you doubt his decisions, His choices, it's that clear..."

"You must be in His favor... To be so hopeful and life filled... Do you even have the slightest taste of suffering?"

Her knees laid in my pool of blood, her blue jeweled eyes stared into mine, my mind constantly puzzling

Closing those sapphires, and reopening them brought forth a vision of her past or tormenting love and tears

" Foolish girl... You're selfish to believe you are alone in this feeling... I was ONCE lock in your cell... Trapped by fear"

"And there are more down another hall who would know that pain all too well... Please... arise and come with me..."

"Why?.... What's the point when I have already fallen and failed and there is no possible better beauty..."

"They can answer your doubts and questions since they have had the same shoes..."

".... but I'm too blinded to even see my self... all I see is strangely you.." I tried to look down... but pain wouldn't allow me to move

"Then I guess you have no choice but to trust me... Do you think you can treat your wounds if you can't even see your own body?"

Anger irrupted inside of me... Only because I know this Blonde was right. So with her guiding hand, I rose to my feet

My soul screaming and shouting... Begging to rebell... but how could I? My body was dying and in defeat...

One warm white skinned arm wrapped around my brittle waist to guide me to the other side of the castle

A trail of blood footprints followed behind me... As I felt the connection between my flesh and the beaten door hassled

Trying to carefully slip away... I could feel the strength in her arm... there was no escape

So off me and this Blonde went... Leaving behind the hall that I want and also, or so I thought, the Hall God had planned and shaped...

It may be news to some
That I am not that dumb
You say im not the brightest
But you havent even the slightest
The words from your mouth can deceive
But most find them hard to believe
Your words are always sour
You often abuse your power
But at least I can say
That I am not old and gray

It's been a while since my heart first fluttered for you.
and
although (I hope) you'll never see these literary lines laid out for sake of my youthful embarrassment being whisked away
I'm here with motives of sincere resolving.
Boxes lined:
|   | beautiful
|   | forgiving
|   | purest heart of red
I assume as usual that my reaches are always non-existent just as any romance thrown my way,
but re-evaluation
and stipulation
are turning my blanks to realizations
of
                life
liberty
        and the pursuit of happiness
your eyes still shine with golden flecks
but the soul embroidered in the lining of your silouhette
shines brighter than most.....
so please stay permanent
and don't let my impulsive writing scare you
Blonde Haired Boy i do adore you.
with open arms of friendship
check-boxes
|x| all of the above
signed sincerely,
lots of love