When my father asked me what the basis of our relationship was,
I couldn’t give him an answer. Now, as the aftertaste of it -
that bitter tang of overripe mandarins -  
Sits heavy under my tongue and on my teeth,  I can say,
it’s because I love fruit.
I saw you,  
faded and frail, in early winter.
Had seen the promise of sweet giving, of tired roots aching for warmth,
waiting.
You had tried to cut yourself down,
so I became your giving tree.
I tended to you, gave you many of my firsts.
In a way, so did you. At least that’s what you told me.
You had promised me growth.
That you would tend to me
As I did you. That we would create our own harvest.
Apple orchards, cherry blossoms, bountiful vineyards.
I had taken your word to heart.
It was sweet, cloying nectar.  
I let it smother me, sink into my skin.
Let it seep into my veins.
Let it ferment.
I was drunk on your touch, worshipped
the saccharine velvet of your skin,
Like supple nectarines.
You didn’t mind the gentle scrape of teeth
or nails, of wandering lips, my curious hands teasing, testing.
Tracing the ink outlines of sacred swirls and ancient patterns
Adorning an ignorant and undeserving left arm.
Nor did you mind the growing rift, the root rot festering,
the mandarins that were left out on the counter on those hot nights,
the fruit fly that fed on them.
You could not be bothered to bat the fly away.
Worst of all, you forgot to mention
Orange never quite suited you.

you listen to that one song
that makes you remember of the pain he had caused you
but have you thought,
this song actually speaks about you more
than it is for him?

Alcohol could literally save me now.

But you told me that it tastes too bad for you.

Oh yes, it does really taste bad. Specifically, it's an awful kind of bitter.

But alcohol was supposed to taste that way, isn't it?

An awful kind of bitter? No, alcohol was supposed to taste bitter, only bitter.

What do you mean?

You haven't drank real alcohol, do you? Yes, it's awful and disgusting, but addicting. The moment the bottle touched my lips, it felt cold. The moment this fiery liquid touched my lip, crawled into my mouth, took ahold of my tongue, and slithered down my throat, God, it burned me until it ached. Its burning hands held mine, reminded me of the way you held my hand every night. What was once warm turned into scorch. What was once there is already gone. Ah, it blinded me away from what was false, made me see the truth. I ached for home, I ached for the tiny planet we once created solely for the two of us. You aren't here anymore. Tell me if you left, if you're ever coming back. But if you are still here, in our tiny planet, let me feel your presence. Our love, ardent, young, and swift. The alcohol never lied.

What made you think that I stopped loving you?

The alcohol did, my love.

I would have judged you
In that moment.
Between breaths.
When the hesitation spoke for you,
I would have judged you,
But I choked on my bitter rebukes
And started to drown
In the aftermath of it all.
I would have judged you
If there had been no need to judge myself

I see you drinking
a cup of warm tea
with chipped toenails
that scrunch your throat.

Your hand pour
the sand that looks like
pure brown sugar which
crunches between your teeth.

As you swirl it
it turns to black juice
with ****** veins
that clenches to your tongue.

Is that how you went ahead
and became so bitter?

My favorite thing about this
Viral sensation
Has to be the complete lack
Of continuity
Throughout countries, states
Cities.
Welcome to my little slice of
Hell
As I am fortunate enough
To get to share my Uber with
Some random stranger at
Approximately 11:47 pm
Is a shady city
Crawling with shady people
Mind you
I am just a 20 year old female
Very protective of my body
But wait, there’s more
For just half the unreasonable price of a shared ride
I can get an express car pool in which
I get to walk for 5 whole minutes
To the Denny’s parking lot
In the dead of night
Yay me.
The ride to my house, a normal
20 minute drive
Turns to 37 as we take a random exit
To pick up a random stranger
Who does not show up
But that’s fine
As it is
We renter the same highway 10 minutes later
In a futile attempt
To get me
Home before
12:30 am
That did not happen
Did you know that 24 hour Subways exist?
Me neither

Perhaps it was destiny,
That we met on that rainy day,
You looked so happy, saying the teary raindrops were like jewels,
Joy surely comes in different kinds but what made them like gems for me was that bright, luminous grin of yours, while gazing away,
Out of selfishness and lonesome thoughts I drove myself near you,
To feel your warmth, to feel your soft, delicate skin and to feel loved.
Drawn into the imaginated landscape within my heart you lit an evening star, made it shine so my dim thoughts shall not corrupt me,
How generous you were, sharing your light with one who has none,
Yet, when I understood the meaning of eternity, you were long gone,
Passed away due time, an old dreamer who always saw the positive,
Fallen to the destiny of a life's end, oh how ruined I was then.
Since I cease to fade, I may as well keep the light you lit within me forever, so you too will never fully disappear from the face of earth.


~ Umi