Before a split second
that shows up.
And gone before
the blink of an eye!

a spit pact by the cul-de-sac
of your old house
the yard was always perfect
but the shingles trembled
and the roof always felt like it might fall
you told me not to worry
that saliva is thicker than blood
and once the home is ruined
you'll still remember me
as one of the good girls
as one of the good girls

you wore acrylic nails that scratched the back of my neck
because you said it made you feel older
and your green poppy dress always blended
in with the backyard trees
while you smoked foreign substances
from an old lipstick case you carved out
and it was all so feminine
and all so beautiful
but I could never get high enough  
so I had to pretend that everything
felt as far away as climbing the skyscrapers in downtown

your laugh always bordered on cackling
and you promised that when our paths diverted
and they would
to remember
that hotel rooms should never feel like people
and that some men are strange
under different lighting
and to always close my eyes when crossing the street
and maybe I would survive
and I said
yes yes yes
I understand I say like I understood

when you got a scrape on your knee
you told me sometimes you wished
you could be as weightless
to never disrupt any floorboards
or understand the gravity
of heaviness
you look at me
and I'm envious of your curls
and I can tell by the way you straighten them
to the point of abuse
that you envy mine

What else could I do?

Every night I vocalize my troubles to the heavens, to the One that I know will always listen

these recurring problems never seem to end
taking in all the pain of the words you never fully thought of before hitting send

I grew accustomed to a life where the bad outweighs the good
yet I continue to be patient... I continue to be misunderstood.

Before you arrived in my life,
I rarely used to talk.
But now, I talk a lot.
And I talk only about you.

Before you arrived in my life,
I rarely used to share.
But now I share everything.
And I share it only with you.

Before you arrived in my life,
I rarely used to smile.
But now, I smile every second
And I smile just coz of you. ❤

~your smiling queen :)