(for Terry McMillan)

I was a *****
glacier cold solid ice

claws for fingernails
man killing eyes

not myself, not someone else
thirsty for the wild hunt

self-loathing eating away
the way aphids eat the orange tree

no more empathy
where’d that go?

probably jumped off the same cliff
as romance and joy

at the bottom of a cold canyon
swirling in roaring deep water

caught in the current
beneath the surface, far beneath

carried away for three years
no lifejacket, no life

behind reinforced steel
behind the *****

I was a ***** for three years
until the ***** took a scraper to the icebox

climbed over the edge of the canyon
breaking clawed nails on orange clay

****** at the bottom, ****** but alive
swam to the bottom of freezing waters

found my groove
got it back

shot up from the icy foam
exhaled

picked ripe fruit from the tree
cut it into four pieces

one for romance, one for joy
one for empathy, one for me

no more aphids on the orange tree
no more glacier, no more hunt

oh yes, the ***** is still here
nourishing my soul with the fruit of knowledge

reminding me don’t let go
don’t let me be all they see


[Notes:  This poem was published by Cadence Collective: https://cadencecollective.net/2015/01/17/for-3-years/

First published in Men’s Heartbreak Anthology.]

He said
          “You’re a bear.”

I said
          “No, I’m a fish.
          Two fish, actually
          Swimming
          in opposite directions
          One tells me: Do it!
          The other says: Oh no
          you betta don’t!”

He said
          “No. You’re a bear.”

I said
          “No. Actually,
          I’m a monkey.
          A crazy, funny monkey
          who can pick up stuff
          with his toes
          then wonder when
          I’ll evolve
          (Even my pops used to call
          me his 'little monkey'.)”

He said
          “Just face it.
          YOU.
          ARE.
          A.
          BEAR.”

I said
          “I beg to differ,
          I am a night owl
          that stares at stars
          or watches Friends
          reruns in the wee hours
          of the morning.
          Ask me a question
          I’ll show you how
          wise I am.”

He said
          “Do you know that
          you are a bear?”

I said
          “Nope. I’m a snake.
          I have tremendous
          sympathy for others,
         great depth of perception
          Am intense, passionate,
          determined,
          at times, headstrong.”

He said
          “But, you are also a bear.
          A hairy bear.”

I said
          “Fine. I’m a bear.
          Are you happy?
          I’m grumpy, lumbering
          & hate bees.
          I’m hairy,
          I hibernate.
          I.
          Am.
          A. Bear.”  

(after a taste
          of honey)

I said
          “And what are you
          Hmmm…?”

He said
          “I’m an otter.
          hairy & cute
          just like you
          Now, give me your paw
          Let’s go splash
          around in the river.”

“Consider me
As one who loved poetry
And persimmons”
–Shiki

As one who loved
Poetry and persimmons
Pomegranates and prose

Who visited
Keats’ nightingale tree
And Freud’s couch

Who stayed
Long after winter storms
Struck spirit with lightning

Who traveled
Beyond starry dusted night
To speak with spirits

Who survived
The ***** and peril
Of the provokers pike

Who rose
Not from clichéd ash
But from papery embers

Who wrote
Down every word
On lined parchment

Who seduced
Your very soul to squander
Its sentiment on one

Who gave
Of himself
Everything


[Note: This poem was originally published by Cadence Collective: https://cadencecollective.net/2015/10/27/consider-me/]