(for mama)

I’ll write you a poem
about something
beautiful
about sunny days
open curtains
bougainvillea in bloom
I’ll fill it with verses about love, life
roses that never wither
hearts that never die
when you read it you’ll forget
all the pain in your limbs
in your dreams
in the truth that is life
it’ll be as if you weren’t ailing
with tubes transporting oxygen to your tired lungs
as if there is no pain in the body
as if life wasn’t hard
and taxing
as if people didn’t move away or fade away or stay away
or die
or lose themselves in their own minds

I’ll write you a poem
so beautiful
about beautiful things and beautiful sons
it will whisk you away from tears, anxiety, fear
won’t speak of loss, betrayal, distress
or the spot on the rug
where his pupils were fixed
and dilated
and how when you stare at that spot long enough
the flashbacks roll in
and you relive his last words:
I’m alright
and in it, there will be no talk of depression, ****
or courtrooms filled with ******* judges
instead you’ll find daisies, white puppies
sons who actually live
up to their potentials
husbands who weren’t in denial about their diabetes

I’ll write you a poem and it will be beautiful
because you are beautiful,
life is beautiful
and because beautiful people deserve beautiful poems
and yours will be the most beautiful poem of all
when you read it, think of me
think of love as beautiful
think of life as beautiful
and cry beautiful tears of joy
without shoulda-woulda-coulda’s
without soreness and sadness
only smiles, warm kisses
happiness, blue skies
silver linings, bright sides
where sons have children
hearts are healthy
dementia doesn’t exist
cats don’t die
puppies don’t *** on the rug
ferns stay green forever
and where he is there
sitting in his favorite chair smiling
saying Morning, beautiful


[Note: This poem was originally published by Cadence Collective: https://cadencecollective.net/2015/08/09/beautiful-2/]

is how long
it took the
paramedics

the whole while
we breathed into
you

pumping your still
chest, counting
beats

we brought you
back for a
moment

our eyes met
you gave us
permission

to let you
go but we’re
stubborn

and never stopped
breathing, compressions
counting

pupils dilated, stained
bed and us
failures


[Note: This poem was originally published by Cadence Collective: https://cadencecollective.net/2014/11/01/fourteen-minutes/-]