The blood is drying underneath my nails
And it's dripping off your cheek
While you stare at me in shock
That I would do such a thing

I just had my panic attack.
If we are still together,
And I pray that we are,
Thank you for everything.

when the words are hard to express out loud
or other people just can't seem to understand
I write to release all my anger or frustration
grabbing a pen or a sharpened pencil in my hand
leaving smudged lead or wet ink on my finger tips
scribbling jotting down all the thoughts that attack
conquering my mind trying hard to escape my lips
releasing emotions that pull me down or hold me back
the knotted tongue of confusion is loosen now untied
I'm able to climb out from the depths of the dark pit
grabbing Life's sturdy rope that depression tried to hide

I want to forgive you
to have an open heart
and a spirit of generosity.

But that feels nearly impossible.

How can I forgive you
for Facebook Messages
that left me shaking?

How can I forgive you
for denying the assault
and hanging up the phone?

I’ve never felt more grief.
I’m grieving.
I’m in pain.

And it’s hard to forgive
when I still cannot
forget.

As cricket still a widget
and insure that noir not cankerous
though evening nigh round ten
whether it resorts at the door affirmatively sound
or an answer with divine presence there
but as countdown in air midst with his rap indenture
till another person knocks it down again tonight.

I am dying.
As most are, I am unprepared.
I feel death tingle down my arms
And rob my struggling lungs of air.

I feel it settle over my mind like a haze
Of drowsy, unfocused wooziness.
I am terrified of it, I am scared
I can feel the cold grasp of death.


.


She hands me a bottle that clicks with magic
She tells me it's not much and I believe that.
She hands me a bottle after she checks me over.
I take the bottle and remove myself from where I sat.


.


I remind myself that I am not dying.
I remind myself that I can breath, am breathing.
I remind myself that I am not tingling.
I lie to myself factually: I am not dying.


.


I don't believe her or myself
If I were to believe, would that make me crazy?
If I weren't to believe, would that make me crazy?
If I am cleared headed yet somehow feel hazy?

**** this lazy rhyme in off kilter four four time:
Am I crazy if I feel my lungs fight for air though I have no problem breathing?
What if I feel my body shutting down when I am more than healthy?
Am I crazy if I know it's the end but can't explain or even postulate why?
Am I crazy if I write so someone knows what happened when I die (whilst thinking I am alive I wont die but I am dying which is just the panic speaking but if it's not then I'll be gone  by tomorrow which wont happen. maybe.)?

If you fear the darkness
But light is scary too
It’s okay to hide away
Or let it all show through

If it seems the world is empty
And no one hears you cry
Your friends will catch you, falling
And teach you how to fly

When it’s almost like the planet’s deaf
To all your silent screams
Pick up your paper, pen in hand
And write about your dreams

i want to be your knight in shining armor on the nights your wrists are under attack