I raged with fury,
I trembled with shame wishing to be buried,
I had turned crimson,
Tears brimmed from my eyes,
Flooded down my cheeks.
My husband hid behind the guests,
The guests stared aghast,
My mother-in-law slumped on the sofa fast,
My sixteen year old daughter giggled,
My son guffawed,Dr.Do Little,
Me,a centre stage!
Because our newly employed
houseboy from the village,
Copied ditto my husband,
Out of nowhere he appeared like a magic wand,
Courtesied with a gallant swoon,
Saying,"Darling, my **** moon!
Will you have something
To make you more refreshing."

It all starts with a Facebook friend request,
Is that guy, who’s not ashamed of himself,
He did not want to treat her as a guest,  
All he probably needed was self-help.
She believed he was happily married,
Maybe something else he was looking for,
She sees how his ring he never carried,
His wife he wouldn’t value anymore.
But she was only seventeen years old,
He would talk to her like she was so grown,
None of his thoughts she could ever control,
She is so happy he left her alone.
She’s hoping this kid he has on his way,
Grows up to be a better man someday.

Confusion is soaring and my brain
I can't help but feel that I am going insane
The things I want, the things I need
The things I pray for, are never meant to be
Feeling empty inside
Darkness surrounding me
Not a noise, not a whisper
Nothing here to see
Dropping to my knees, hands covering my eyes
Wanting to sleep, wanting to dream
Wishing that things were not the way the seem
They hug you and say they love you
That's a lie
They say it's going to be okay
But I still want to cry
Ashamed of what I am
Never wanting to see that face in the mirror again
Staring back at me with disgust
Telling me I'm not worth much

I'm young.
I'm scarred.
I'm traumatized.
So why do I want *that?

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me... All of me... All..

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

If only you knew…
You say I deserve joy
But it is not true
For I have done too much wrong
If only you knew…
Every day I look back
And see my past
Full of terrible sins
For darkness always wins
You call me innocent
But I’m the complete opposite
If only you knew…
I wish I could tell you
But I am too ashamed
If only you knew…
Then maybe you would understand
Why I am not worthy
Of joy
But I can't tell you
For I am full of pain and worry…

When did it become instinct to **** in my stomach when I speak
As if my words were something that needed to be contained
And my body ashamed
When did I start believing that being curvaceous
Meant I couldn't be vivacious
That I needed to hide
And lose my pride
As if my weight defined
Who I could be
And my tummy would remind
That that everyone could see
My imperfections
These are my confessions
I am self aware
I care
About others judgements
And the way that I am perceived
So I try to make adjustments
Yet I never succeed