Confusion is soaring and my brain
I can't help but feel that I am going insane
The things I want, the things I need
The things I pray for, are never meant to be
Feeling empty inside
Darkness surrounding me
Not a noise, not a whisper
Nothing here to see
Dropping to my knees, hands covering my eyes
Wanting to sleep, wanting to dream
Wishing that things were not the way the seem
They hug you and say they love you
That's a lie
They say it's going to be okay
But I still want to cry
Ashamed of what I am
Never wanting to see that face in the mirror again
Staring back at me with disgust
Telling me I'm not worth much

I'm young.
I'm scarred.
I'm traumatized.
So why do I want *that?

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me... All of me... All..

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

If only you knew…
You say I deserve joy
But it is not true
For I have done too much wrong
If only you knew…
Every day I look back
And see my past
Full of terrible sins
For darkness always wins
You call me innocent
But I’m the complete opposite
If only you knew…
I wish I could tell you
But I am too ashamed
If only you knew…
Then maybe you would understand
Why I am not worthy
Of joy
But I can't tell you
For I am full of pain and worry…

When did it become instinct to **** in my stomach when I speak
As if my words were something that needed to be contained
And my body ashamed
When did I start believing that being curvaceous
Meant I couldn't be vivacious
That I needed to hide
And lose my pride
As if my weight defined
Who I could be
And my tummy would remind
That that everyone could see
My imperfections
These are my confessions
I am self aware
I care
About others judgements
And the way that I am perceived
So I try to make adjustments
Yet I never succeed

some days i feel nothing and others, everything
last night i felt everything, felt it all at once
my mind was filled with negative thoughts
so many thoughts and feelings at once
i didn't stand a chance against myself
my entire body felt sore and my head was pounding
i cried uncontrollably and stared blankly at the ceiling
i couldn't breathe -- everything is a mess
so sick of never feeling good enough for a slight second
yesterday was horrible but though i barely slept
i managed to drag myself out of bed this morning
covered up my pinching eyes and took off
just like any other morning

*(s.m)

People should not be ashamed for feeling.
I'm not sorry for the way I felt about you
Because it only seemed to be a phase,
that's why I've let my emotions out
through words rather than pouring
out my soul to you.
And to the next person I fall for,
let it be known it's most likely a phase,
don't expect me to spill at all.