I’m sick of you not trusting me.
I’m sick of trying to be perfect.
I’m sick of your standards.
I’m sick of being compared.
I’m sick of being tired.
I’m sick of hating myself.
I’m sick of not feeling good enough.
I’m sick of myself.
I’m sick of being judged.
I’m sick of being a disappointment.
I’m sick of feeling guilty.
I’m sick of feeling ashamed.
I’m sick of the looks I get.
I’m sick of being blamed for everything.
I’m sick of feeling unloved.
I'm sick of living.
I’m just… sick.

I wasn't me not today.
I guess all my fears came chasing.
All that I thought I would never have to face again.
The fear of being let down,
Disappointed.
The fear of having to wait for someone to come
And they never show up.

I was hoping for a change in the chapter of my life.
Hopefully it would clear all the doubts I have been having.
You were that spark of hope for a moment,
And when things changed.
I was so disappointed.

I know I had no reason to be angry
I failed to compromise.
And mostly appreciate your values.
Guess at that moment I felt unappreciated.

I don't know what much more to say.
But I deeply apologise.
Not because its a must but because I know I should.
I was just selfish.
And unearthly to be so arrogant.
I surely know that I could have behaved a little better,
But I didn't.

I found myself and lost you.
I let go of your hurt,  found my strength anew. Picking my pieces up off the floor,  realizing you mean nothing anymore.  You were an addiction,  a haunting,  an affliction.  A monster terrorizing me,  and my pride that had given up helping me, depriving me and calling it love. And there are sometimes I'm completely ashamed, my strength in vain.  Because I'll look for you...the monster under my bed that hasn't yet truly left my head.

I'm sorry I did such horrible things to you. I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you wanted me to do them. I'm sorry I didn't stop. I'm sorry I took advantage of you. I'm sorry I am this way. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I broke your trust. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I scarred you. I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I touched you. I'm sorry I met you. I'm sorry I didn't end it before we met. I'm sorry I didn't control myself. I'm sorry I pressured you. I'm sorry I forced you. I'm sorry I said I loved you. I'm sorry I still love you. I'm so sorry,I am sorry that I'm still here. I'm sorry I made you think I was worth it. I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you. I'm sorry that I still care about you. I'm sorry you don't hate me. I'm sorry I won't let you go. I'm sorry I attacked you.  I'm sorry it seems like I used you. I'm sorry for the tears and embarrassment I caused. I'm sorry I didn't stop.

The suffocating feeling, as the frayed hairs of the rope burns my skin. Thinking that I have taken my last breath. No struggle, no regret, no remorse, and worst of all... The feeling of fulfillment, the serenity of calming beatless peace. Sight, slowly becoming more and more blurry as it slips away. Speech, unable to scream or cry or even whisper, and accepting it. Silence, the overwhelming negative space that fills my ears with the unrelenting nothingness. Feeling, what was once numb, now pulsing, fighting a battle I have already given up on. Then, consciousness itself is lost in the limbo of mine own meaningless hell. Insanity has beaten down reason, and logic delivered the final fatal blow. No more struggle, no more feeling, no more reason. No more me. And good riddance.

Secret affection but no public attention because she is just there to feed your ego.