Between a plane & a star

I think about the parallels

I am walking there,
While I am walking back

My thoughts remain dense
& I echo the word in my head until it starts to yell back

While trying to place myself,
I've stumbled

& With a reach away
There is another mind

But remain separated by our apathy

I am another opinion
I am another thought

I am everything
& I am nothing

Mobile


You were standing alone with your mind on your phone
And you never saw me as I walked on by.
You were staring deep into your screen and you never saw me,
So I just kept on walking on by.
With your head in your Facebook, I never got a second look
And I guess I missed out on the first.
You are so deeply engrossed that you missed me the most;
You love having the best phone and that makes you the worst.


With your head in the cloud you are never around,
So how can I compliment you tonight?
With your eyes never here and always there,
It just seems to me that you do not care;
So I wave you goodbye and walk out of your life.


Now your battery has died and the power has been cut,
You finally notice me walking on by.
You think I really do like him, but he does not even notice me,
With that woman and a ring on his hand.
You have missed out on love
And it was all just because,
You were connected to your mobile phone, not this man.
So you never had the chance to connect to romance,
Or the love that I know you could have had.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Something


I want you to be something you can never be;
Something you could never feel, deep inside of me.
I want you to see something; something you could never see.
Something you could never dream,
That’s always been inside of me.


Something someone said,
Stuck in my mind and affected my head.
Something someone should have been,
Fades away with apathy.
Something you will never be,
Is truly into me.


Now all I can do is learn to hate something.
Something or anything; nothing with integrity.
No dislike of apathy, for it has no reaction;
All I hate is all I love, for all it has is what I need.
Passion, reaction, satisfaction;
You used to give me all of these.


But you will never be anything,
When we could have been everything!
We chose to be nothing real.
We could still chose to be something,
If only we could remember how to feel.


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

This is mine


I’m just spinning my wheels, going nowhere fast;
I could try to care, but empathy I lack.
This place has ruined the person I used to be;
There lie the remains of me.


I have no strength left to fight back;
I look out at the world and everything is painted black.
The darkness surrounds my thoughts and leaves me feeling weak;
People are so depressing to a misery like me.


In sorrow I remember those days of light;
Every hope I ever had has disappeared out of sight.
No longer can I remember what I wished for,
That is if I was ever deemed worthy of a wish at all.


I guess not, because I sink under the truth;
When life is so hard, why should I ever try anything new?
It will all be the same at the end of the day,
So keep your happiness to yourself and I will keep walking away.


Do not try to follow me; this destination is mine to seek.
You are not even a memory; an empty head sets me free.
All the love in the world cannot fix my broken mind,
So leave me be and I will stay away from your world of lies.


Heaven is a dream and life is a nightmare;
People are all the same, so I cannot care.
Another day of sadness as I head towards the grave;
You and I are not so different, but we will never feel the same pain.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Once upon a mind.


A lonely soul sleeps inside my heart.
It has given up on trying to be my star.
The light has dimmed; the finish has begun to become duller.
I have never been anything other than sullen
And now my soul is no watercolour.


Scatter no seeds, for nothing will grow,
Inside this black hole that I call my soul.
I cannot take hold of a direction in which to go,
Because I am unable to see ahead, when I am without hope.


No more, no less;
The same phrase repeats again.
What more can I say when all is gone so far away?
Out of reach, but never out of mind;
Still it lingers at the fore front of a head without design.
Clutter, splutter, mix me with resent;
No chance to repent,
No choice to have left.


Just left behind, by a love life that has moved on to be happy
And found itself a new home, as I lie inside my cemetery.
Gone from this diseased soul, formed from insecurities.
It has escaped and taken my heart with it and from me.
Now I am soulless and never free to dream without regret.
Continuously delirious,
So easy to detest.
Once upon a mind, love has exploded
And now there is no trace left.


No Jessica Rabbit to find,
No saving emo.
No happy me;
Just where ego, I go.


My body moves of its own accord.
I am too bored to give it orders,
When I am busy crawling up the wall,
In search of just one thing that even matters!
Life is no adventure and I am the mad hatter.


Lost in a wonderland of my own mind’s creations.
I fall down (a rabbit hole) and break an ankle.
I am no longer in contention,
To be a contender for the title of most loved.
Just stuck in the mud with no tears left to wash it all off;
Gone is my chosen destiny…I have given up.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Ain’t that a kick in the head?


Ain’t got nobody to ‘love you lots.’
So what?
Ain’t got nobody to call.
That’s cool.
Ain’t got nobody to call me good.
Good.


Ain’t got enough time to tell you the truth.
Whether I am good or bad is not up to you.
I decide to be real or lie.
So what if I don’t care if you begin to cry.


As they set you a task;
It’s all a-tisket, a-tasket, a-yakety-yak.
It’s all the same to me; don’t play your game.
You have to work or laugh.


Complete the level;
Move onto another.
One courageous deed needed indeed,
To find a perfect lover.


Stale-mates.
Just you wait.
Set your head free of need,
Or bite me.


(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

All those love songs.


What is the point?  
Get to the point of all of this.
This love that I have to give, I cannot give,
Because nobody wants it.
It holds me back like a world on my back;
At last I think I can just relax
And then it all comes crashing down…
I am flattened into the ground,
Forever falling,
Forever falling,
Forever falling further now.


Now I see a light shining up from beneath,
But it is just a place to be.
Just to exist.
Just to be left waiting, in purgatory,
Leaves me contemplating, forwards or backwards,
There is no difference.
I am inclined to never try again,
But then my stupid heart kicks in with its two cents,
For what it’s worth…


I feel so worthless and helpless, when I think about her.
Her beautiful mind is what I hoped to find,
But all I ever get in this life is lie after lie
And I am denied, so I lie down to cry or sing,
Those sweet songs of misery.


Those love songs that go on and on,
About how she will be loved…
But I have cottoned on;
They are just plain wrong!
All those love songs,
She will never hear me sing…
All those songs.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

“Fore!”


I live in a small town,
With the lights down,
In the back end of nowhere
And that is exactly where I am going.


I dress like a big clown,
In my small car.
My head looks through the sunroof
And all I can see is a city of stars.


I have spent a lifetime pretending,
That I am going to leave this place.
Everybody can see that I don’t really care.
My apathy only hides my truth; my life is such a waste.


As the rain drops fall onto my window,
I hear the distant memories.
They are calling to me like angels;
I can’t see where they are, but they are all around me.


So I reach out with one big shout!
Begging for protection, from myself.
My remedy is not seen, so I sink into a hole.
If I could find a way out,
I would find a way to make something of myself.


A collage of emotional scars,
That show that I have come so far.
The pavement my driveway,
I turn left into yesterday
And all I remember is the loss of it all;
The things we do are what we are.


I walk on the freeway.
The grass is green beneath my feet…

They shout “Fore!”…

My headphones do not rescue me.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Her eyes held the story of the tale of our young love,
Somewhere beneath her somber eyes.
Locked up away from me in a tower of her making.
Why do you hide away my love?

I’m in! I can save her
From the torment of her prison.
Escape the walls that echo out her pain.
But these eyes are not hers,
They are frozen in apathy.
“I never told you to come.”

Her hand I squeezed tightly while we ran down the corridor.
Desperately searching for the exit.
I felt her demons closing in now,
They were foaming at the mouths to
Deprive of us safety and love.

Then she fell down
On the floor, crawling, breathing hard,
Begging me to give up.

“You’ll be dead
Before you even reach the stairs.
They’ll take you too, I swear.”

The darkness surrounds her,
Slowly dragging her away now.
She won’t resist it or even fight.
“****** your memory,
Just forget all about me.
You’ll be safer once you do.”

I can’t just abandon the hope of restoring her heart.
I know it’s in her waiting for life again.
Snatching her away from the shadows that have plagued her,
Striving for freedom once again.

That’s it! Think I found it!
The exit from this construction
Laced with the smell of fear and mold.
I was too excited of the thought having her back,
I barely felt her slip away.

Turning to see her face just to be greeted by a pain
Piercing my flesh, piercing my soul.
She holds the knife, unaffected by her actions.
“I’ll be the death of you, you know.”

Like her, I too was slowly dying.
Her face welled up but she’s not crying.
Through tears I beg don’t let the dark win.
…
…
…
“Leave me to die.”