Anna-banana,

Keep your vessel shared,
Keep its match along the wind.
Sixty million thousand metres
Seem no job with people in.

Keep your heart shut open,
Keep its tempo up the beat.
Sixty seconds on a sofa
Are eternity with (pointing at myself)

I loved you. I needed you.
But I shyed away from your rays
Yet I saw you without seeing you
When I do force my eyes to stare
at the goldenness of you
your face is unfocused and
I am temporarily blinded
by the halo.
2 seconds.
That is the longest I last in direct line with your light
before I revert back to my wallflower state
A moss of hair falls into place
Always busy doing nothing
Your closeness warms me
The close proximity makes me shiver too
Too hot and too cold at the same time
I break into a fever
I feel too cold without your presence
but my cheeks flame when you are too near
I swear my mind is getting muddled
all I think about is how I get the perfect balance
of the distance between me and you
Though you scorch me
my mind convinces me I want you near
The closer I get the harder it is for me to breathe
My heart pounds impossibly fast
What is wrong with me?

Two
Six
Six
Two
If she read this,
She would know exactly what I mean.

Her ghost is all around me.
Her voice rings in my head.

Two.
Six.
Six.
Two.
Even though it seems our chance has passed,
I'll never forget her.

Your skin, translucent
Your shoulders are sharp
My little hands pulled out chunks of hair
when I tried to braid the frail pieces of breaking, brown strands
I hid them under your pillow to avoid your tears of frustration
Just another reason to say, “I’m so ugly, so gross, so ugly”

Black holes hollowing your cheeks
Red rose colored water lines
Blue green seaweed swimming through the skin over your cheeks
The deep darkness of the ocean swallowing your mind

Filling up your stomach with water
to make the scale read heavier for the doctors
Vomiting it up before the presence of hydration in your veins
could make you live an extra day

Your jeans went from a size double zero
to a baggy children’s size
Dinners out turned into a messy plate of cut up food
None of which was eaten

Ana gouged out your eyes and replaced them with ticking clocks
And walked your bony feet to the scale four times a day
What is left of your skin is painted in red and deep purple splotches
Breaking nails and yellow brittle teeth

Only Ana can speak the language you comprehend
But not even she could tell you, “you’re beautiful”
You only hear muffled underwater words of disgust
Swimming hazily in a sea of pretty girls made of bones
Breathing Hydrocodone to numb the hunger pains
Eating Xanax to bring them closer to death.

it is a revelation
not one cicada
sounds the same

a butterfly sitting
by me admiring
something I lose

myself on such lightness
I use to tell children
to stop and to listen to

the songs  of
butterflies as
they nodded back

it is so
that every morning
I go about pressing the foot
on the same path that’s how

habits are formed good ones

I’ve learned in between

steps to make treasure of
observation new revelations
as they come blossom

in presence

Anna encrusted dust suite luster
All of the bevel the ocean could muster.
Trust, the comfort found here at the shore
Sands to revel in all you adore.
Further, floors elude the light for placation
As roots are harboured, an act of vocation.
This tree gleans no place of rest
But chosen as berth, the hold for a nest.
An expression of palace and that of place
A digression to speed and not of haste.
But throats grow dry as if necks could curd
As we depart to our homes again like the bird.

My bodies cold
lips are blue
why did I do this because of you?

I feel the earth below me
like a pillow under my head
no knives, no guns, but pills instead

The bottle lays empty
cap unscrewed
what did I do? what did I do?

My spirit floats my body lays
my lover finds me
and she prays

I reach for him
I'm ****** away
like a deep crest of a wave

she pounds the ground
screaming why oh why?
I asked myself why did I?

My parents arrive, my best friend too
I thought to myself, What did I do!?

I look away the pains to deep
my life is over because of me

I look back for one last glance
they zip me up in the body bag.
I did this to ease my pain
I lost instead of gained

as I look down my family
I regret that night
my life stopped ticking
because of a fight.

♪♥♫♥♫♥♪♥♫♥♫

My fantasies turned blonde in ‘seventy-six.

Bjorn, and the flickas sailed  from East to West.

Santa Lucia never shone so blessed

as she did in my private Euro-mix.

Perfect pop longs for that feminine fix.

Cassette wheels whirred –  branding, then impressing

grooves upon the brain; my thrall confessing

love for Nordic light (in Disco metrics).

The names still strike flames, kindling bright renown:

Frida, Agnetha  –  your longships linger

Your Viking faces sacked my harbor town.

portaging hope to this shipwrecked singer,

enwreathing smiles to reach our further shore.

I Do… (times five – and will forevermore).