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Al Grant May 2020
Maybe it’s not your fault
              How I always feel deprived of attention
              How I always feel insufficient

              How you always make me stay when you’re lonely
              The air between us so thin, yet
              I’m going astray —forcing the ashtray to weigh
              more, more, and more!
              The flare on my lips heavy
              Grounding me with gravity,
              through the cloudy air
              my body numb,
              my mind the calm sea of:
              lousy despair.
an excerpt from my longer piece
cait-cait May 2020
why are the walls always blue...
in the places where it hurts to be?
in the places where i watch
a little girl you grow up through pictures of
a little happy family in
a house that’s big and round...

who am i in this story?
.
trailer park trash assuming the role of
dignified enough to be
in that house...
with a kitchen island,
and a garden, and a beautiful, bright blue
fish tank...?

*******.

******* for having what i wish i had
when i was small,
when my parents first cracked my head open,
and accidentally filled it with illness and
bugs
from our gross, apartment floors...

for i did not grow up with a happy garden
or through pictures that mommy
keeps on her wall...

if you are unhappy, i must live in ******* hell.
Wow it’s been forever since ive been on here! I miss and love you all. This is about someone who I love dearly but am angry at bc she lives the life i wish i had when I was a kid. From march 9, 12:36 am. hope you’re all being safe!
Isa May 2020
a long time ago,
my friend killed himself
because all of his friends were too far away.
I saw suicide as weak
cowardly
and selfish.
I'm a hypocrite,
and I also understand his reasoning.
because my friends are too far away too.
distance does not always strengthen the heart, does it,
my lost and gone friend?
venting is good for the soul
Katy May 2020
I drink sweet tea
To cover up all of the
B i t t e r n e s s
In me
Amna Khan May 2020
The clouds grumble
as if on cue
with my rage.
My palms streak the lightning
with utmost familiarity.
A pet loyal as ever;
always awaiting
the slightest nod
to curse all who ever belittled me.
Robert Ronnow May 2020
The moon gazes
through April’s silver maple.

To work, to drive,
to drive to work.

Earth's half-in, half-out
of the sun’s habitable zone.

The rushing stream topples old trees;
the peaceful father, mother.

Powerful with eternity,
blinding with intensity.

Zazen position,
necking in the front seat.

Lazy, happy,
mirror, desert.

Moderation, persuasion, elections.
Way stations, stopgaps, safe havens.

Cheap jewelry can be ****;
stop fixing things with duct tape!

Humor is the only remedy
not to hate those in authority.

And ritual is remedy,
a death song.

Nothing but matter matters,
chipmunk, groundhog, skunk.

Do not provoke
an angry baboon.

Why care about the future,
the dead don’t live to see it.

I’ve come to see
if this is true.
"Events will still pile up, with or without an identity willing to organize them.”  --Rachel Cusk
Al Grant May 2020
Maybe it’s not your fault
How my heart felt under assault;
When you leave me in dismay, every time you stay.

To that default silence
When you play your games with friends,
with voice louder than my empty thoughts
while I sit next to you —and empty spaces.
While I feel my heart turning solid,
slowly, wholly.

And then the dynamic shifts, sometimes
for a few minutes
When you talk yourself away,
recalling the great things you’ve
endured back in the days; while
I listen, laugh, and mewl.
But slowly, the tiny red soldiers are back
running amok; marching towards
my congealed heart

              Maybe it’s not your fault
              How I always feel deprived of attention
              How I always feel insufficient

              How you always make me stay when you’re lonely
              The air between us so thin, yet
              I’m going astray —forcing the ashtray to weigh
              more, more, and more!
              The flare on my lips heavy
              Grounding me with gravity,
              through the cloudy air
              my body numb,
              my mind the calm sea of:
              lousy despair.

                            You liked me perfectly; more, and -
                            more, and more!
                            Until I was the cement wall that you adored.

                            And I would ask you questions
                            But you would answer with mind elsewhere
                            and empty stares
                            pricking my heart to a halt.
Lili Gudewicz Apr 2020
I never liked smoking. I despised it.
I hated the burn I felt at the back of my throat.
Now I love cigarettes. I idolize them.
I crave the burn and the scratching I felt.
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