Don’t come home late she says
As she always says
Her heart beating a drum inside her chest.

He looks into her eyes soulfully
The soul of innocent intent
His mouth promising he won’t

She believes him
As she always believes him
Her soul praying that he will.

Please don’t drink too much she begs
As she always begs
Her stomach cramping from the shame.

He touches her face with his fingertips
and with  promises of eternal love in his eyes
He tells her that he loves her.

He means it.

He never hits me she thinks
I know that he loves me.
Except that she doesn’t.

He never hits me she thinks
It’s not that bad
And wonders why

She

Always

Feels

So

Empty .

I’m in the company of new folks
Or else folk if that’s appropriate

The singular and plural still perplex me

But approaching them is
Easier to do than I expected
Easier at least
Than trying to relate to the smiles
Fixed at regular intervals that
Span the distance between us

I pass them all by
Oh so happy to see them
With a nod for a greeting
Before seating myself
With the self-proclaimed degens
A few glasses of wine behind
But accepted and liked
Even seen by
Strangers whose faces
Show something that’s just as much mine
As it is beyond me

We’re all introduced
And decide we enjoy
One another - at least
With the alcohol, so

We migrate toward the only vent
That isn't in the only restroom
Of the venue of the thing
Eventually reciprocating contact information
Before drinking all together
At some other bar
Some place
We’re not so worried about
Sharing or hiding ourselves
And promising we’ll meet again soon
Fingers crossed

Tonight
I stood in front of the mirror
Bottle in hand
The world as blurry as my feelings.
Someone please help me

Sweet and supple golden nectar,
Caress my lips, gentle as a kiss,
There is no distance I would not venture,
Nor no succulent sip that I would miss.

The cold perspiration sits on my glass
As the most beautiful woman waiting,
Whisper melody like hypnotic brass
Ensemble, heavenly mood creating.

As you pour yourself down my open throat,
I float in an ocean, calm and serene,
Comfort envelops, warmer than my coat.
You are my only and forever Queen.

Peering through cloudy eyes on the bathroom floor,
The ***** in my throat lets me know I am yours.

Drinks, drinks and more drinks down my throat
To feel some sort of nausea like I’ve been rocking on a boat
Just for the moment of absolute alcoholic rejoice
To dance, jump and yell out every bit of your voice
To be like some sort of euphoric paradise
The pain of it faded away is for later to realize

Don’t lose yourself to the way that
You think that they want you
I keep being people that are unlike
The ones that were once me
And I’m not made that happy
By things, fun, or people
In a couple rotations
I’ve lost myself
And become something new
To become something new again

When they come back around
And you know they’ll come around
Will they see me standing there
Or will I be on the move
There’s a circle to run in
But I can’t just keep running
When the way gets familiar
And I stop looking cool
I have to change
That’s okay. That’s okay I guess
I’m reborn in new action
I’ll just do something else

You have to live with it
Whatever you do
Well that’s life for you
You have to handle it
You’re being destroyed
By the things you choose to
Make decisions for you
But it’s not who you are
No, you don’t have to be
What you’re doing today

I  just can’t stay still
And I can’t keep pace
Just to spiral
I have to change

five o'clock on Sunday night
we down two bottles of pink ******* wine - classy
Jesus Christ applauds our dedication to his
"this do in remembrance of me" mentality

after four ******* hours of straight communion
we are one with the universe
praying only for security in something
“don't judge me,” she says “don't judge me,”
we've reached that point

we found ecstasy in dizziness - in daydreams
sure enough, we found there was
some kind of magic quality
inherent in these substances
that we were guaranteed to abuse

but it seems we must have been
the worst of marksmen
because I know we matched each other
shot for shot that night
and never once made contact
**** that

we went from being worshiped to ignored -
untouchable
like the ******* gimps of the Hindu caste system
**** Karma
what did we do to be so low?
it didn't make good sense
so we just kept drinking
because that's the only thing that did

I tasted just a little bit of *****
as I drank another cider
after ******* in the mint in the front of my house
now, given, I was smoking a spliff
and coughing my *** off
but ******* it tasted mostly of the
three-star chicken Pad Kee Mao
I ate some hours earlier and just barely
of my peanut m&m dessert

Do you feel the strength?
In your birdlike chest and your bloated stomach?
The urge to glut yourself on beer and vittles.

Chips and guacamole.
*******. This is delicious.

But what should we do - Eat
Or should we abstain in
The middle of the night?

I’ve had a few beers since
The couple margaritas,
But I have no chance stopping
‘Til the shows have ended.

There’s more I need to know.