Headlights, electric blood in my veins
Streetsigns, driving in the fast lane
Summertime, everything has some pain
Starshine, my sorrow, my goodbye
And wait

Confused and depressed
Not knowing what comes to life next
A promise that started so beautifully
He changed, and now, is he really ending it this slowly?

In the dark, while I savor the pain
I longed to be happy and then you came.
At a brisk, I let you in
Consumed my mind and invaded my soul.

Your eyes, I couldn’t help but stare
Your voice, that became music to my ear            
I wish the time was longer – that’s a shame
Why did I meet you at such a wrong fate?

How can I tell him about you?
You belong to someone else while I do too.
Albeit amiss, the times with you felt nothing but right;
Never was I this proud of the wrong, never in my life.

Lost with bewilderment, who does my heart choose?
HIM, the person that I have learned to love?
Or YOU, the person that suddenly caught my heart?
I’m guilty of even having to question myself that.

The negative thoughts, the guilt, the constant fear.
It has now started drowning me in.
I realized, this affected him and I wanted to do the right thing.
So, I had to choose him.

Akin to summer rain
or words you can't
seem to articulate
or the smile you feign,
The risk you take
once more.
Even coffee with an old friend,
or moments you regret.
‘bittersweet symphony’
on the radio.
And tears from your eyes
- right on cue.

I wrestle you out of the cupboard under the stairs
Every weekend
Scaring the ******* out of the cat
Who by now knows what is happening,
Perceived as a fight to the death
Filled with electric noise, until finally
I tame the monster and put it to bed
He elects to hide
In the kitchen, under the table.

We dance the waltz of cleanliness
Over carpet, lino, round litter trays
Up stairs and across bookcases
Just you and I, an odd couple
Locked in a battle against dirt and dust
The build up of bacteria (yuk!)
Cleaning away the footprint of a week
On the possessions of our life.

My wife doesn't know about us
You and me and our OCD
We share for an hour, or so, while she's out
Shopping, drinking coffee, with her mum
Ours is a secret affair
******* cat fur out of the crevices,
When I am done we part company
Hiding our passion behind closed doors
Until we meet again, next saturday

My love.

*** is good for health,
I was told
I remember the other night in the room
Alone with Philomena since noon
She allured me with her inflated 'balloon'
and I couldn't resist dancing to her tune.
For the first time fantasies met reality, I smiled

People get encountered with the Holy Spirit
But mine?
Mine was with a woman I had no license to touch.
My sulky dependency on God was laid to rest
As soon as I got Philomena undressed
Now, we were going to have more than just glimpse
We tossed and turned in our plight
Our mission was to satisfy ourselves until the sun shows light

I turned her around, sat up and kissed her
With delight, I made her ride on top of me
Moaning and whimpering was our ****** instrument
A frictional force was created
from each of our bodies as the hours passed by
Lying still, my breath caught up in my chest
It seemed like the voyage
had taken forever
and also just begun – all at the same time

After the 'genging and banging' had settled
and Philomena was deeply asleep,
My anxieties were also put to sleep
I opened the window,
Turned to Philomena, and in sorrow, gripped the pillow.
The stupidity in me had traded my dignity for shame before my God

It was the night I cursed myself
What to tell my creator is still left scrambled
*** is good for health, I was told
Having it with the right person
And at the right time, I never listened
Science and reasoning taught me the former
But the Bible... Jesus prefers the latter

I lean on you;
You need me;
We’re in debt to each other.
It’s simple, you see.

You work hard
And bring home the bread;
Without you, I’d starve
In my solitary bed.

You live in our home
Like a worker drone;
Without me you’d freeze
And be all alone.

Without you, I’d starve
Or live in privation,
We’re the lone citizens
In a private nation.

Though we never make love,
And rarely touch.
We must stay together;
For the world is too much.

Year after year,
We’re apart yet near.
No one dares rock the boat;
We’re so precariously afloat.

We could languish like this until we die;
We seem quite normal to the untrained eye.
And apart yet together, we could stay,
Until the tides of time just wash us away.

Finished on January 3, 2011

Nerves fade under burnt caffeine
Slowly I sip the scalding, aromatic bean
And as my eyes close, I am lost behind the steam
Invisible in reality, I fall into daydreams
Where a life known, is not as it seems
I can pretend the lie hadn’t become mainstream
Everyone knows, everyone. Reactions so extreme
I can still feel the cold, as it filtered into my bloodstream
Sorry’s and apologies became a recurring theme
But they have as much substance as a moonbeam
Bouncing of your hurt like bubbling stream
Your words dumb, but your eyes, they scream
Why, why? And I can only hide in my fading self esteem
I saw our life, laid out, it was a pipe-dream
I lost love, but then I found him, a passion extreme.
Took my breath, heart away. I began to sparkle, to gleam
I was all I could be and more. Caught up in a rapture supreme
Leaving you, it was a tearing rent, not a rehearsed scheme
But for you and me, I had to ***** the bubble of the static dream
Let you find another love, who will want to be part of your team

So alone in a room, I sip scalding caffeine.
Thinking of you, and the lover who evaporated like steam

tighten your tanned arm around my waist
put your thumb inside my bottom lip
tell me how pretty i look in a dress
even more with it on the floor
and with a sun-dripping smile
i will bloom beneath the ripened lust
that seeps from your secret gaze
like a blazing hillside of orange poppies
shifting towards you in the soft wind
waiting to be crushed