Today I am lost

Not the lost where you don’t know the way

yet you know the destination,

But the scarier one,

The one where you don’t know the destination... period

So what happens to the journey?

Where does she go without him?
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today I am lost and so is she

Today I ask and so does she:

When in the world is he?

The sun rose out among verdant still hills.
High peaks, forests and earth stole their eyes away from this charade.
Strands of light refuse to illuminate me.
As the the play proceeds with divine authority.

Each bird is standing on its feet and spreading its wings.
Tigers brandish guns at their young, unaware of the anguish hungrily stalking behind.
And the men with hearts of black gold walk away with their heads down.
As we are all eaten away by ignorance.

The hands of fate stitch together a torn garment of time.
Embroidering its history of suffering.
But the answer to your questions won't be found in gods clothes.
There's a lot more suffocating water in this ocean than treasure.

But your heart withstood the weight of it all.
And its callouses grew over their shadows left behind.
But when it beats, I can still hear the screams
Of your abandonment.

What is faith
but an empty promise
to a God
that abandoned us
years ago

April showers
bring with them atomic flowers,
strewn about Elena’s hair,
her forest painted
the colors of Red Square.
Children play in the fun zone
where radiation particles
are active and windblown,
forming flakes on rosy cheeks,
floating down toxic creeks.
The smell of graphite burning in a kiln
makes the nostrils flare,
what’s this metallic taste in the air?

Clouds drift over weddings
and Ferris wheels,
rain falls black and surreal.
Mother goes about her routine
humming dirges like a godless fiend.
36 hours to figure the science,
past time to evacuate
a city in brisk silence.
Brides scream and children cry,
from the fall-out they mummify.
Pripyat’s dying metropolis
they euthanize and lay to rest
in a sarcophagus.

And atop her shallow grave,
deep within the exclusion zone,
sit the sickened stems
and decaying fragrance
of nuclear flora over bone.
Here in the jackal's sanctum,
a capsule car on the lifeless
pleasure wheel
swings like a pendulum,
over a wooded lot with not a soul in sight,
only fresh morbid blooms
that glow in the night.

Congratulation,
You finally found that one person
that was meant to be with you,
but in the process you had to push me away.
Now we have to deal with the fact, that
you are okay with abandoning family,
you created neglectful problems between you and I.
Yet you expect me to be okay with it all,
that is something that would never happen.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry,
that I couldn’t be a part of your success,
but I am still looking for my person,
still looking for my success. Believe me when I say,
I will be fine without you in my life,
since you have abandoned me countless times.
Sad to believe that I am used to the abandonment.
I will say this now, I will miss you
and I do hope that your success gets better,
but I can’t be there when you get that success.
Knowing that I am okay with you walking away
makes me terrified,
you were supposed to protect me,
to keep me safe.
Instead all you did was make me feel like everything was
my fault -
so I apologize to you
for leaving you behind in my way of life.
I hope someday you can understand why I chose to leave.

She left...

without saying goodbye.

She left...

and the time has flown by.



She left...

and I don't know how to feel.

She left...

and some days it doesn't feel real.



She left...

what do I do now?

She left...

will I cope somehow?



She's gone...

so many tears I've wept,

and I still don't know why

she left...