When the blackened smoke
Leaves the trapper’s chimney

When the sun
Begins to rise

I will run
I will have had the courage

To rip off the leg
Stuck in the trap

And when his dogs
His soldiers of fortune

Bark and bellow
Surely

I will die

has my heart
bled for too long?

have I coated those I love
in my own blood?

perhaps

perhaps it's just
the order of things?

perhaps
I'm meant to bleed?

maybe my blood
may help others

and maybe
just maybe

I do deserve love
and a caring hand

perhaps
I am worthy

yes
yes I am

I've done
everything I can

I've done good
finally

I've done good.

it's good enough
just to try.

Failure
yet another failure

with sense
or liquor

it could never
be averted

then again
it was after you

he was a magnum
to my helpless heart

unexpected
powerful

you both set me alight
and watched as I burned

here is my charity
the poem you asked for

perhaps you wanted this
to hurt me to see more

you always did
love to read

these sad lines
these cries for help

sedate me
with sweet melody

deprive me
of words only we see

with you
sleep left too

my eyes don't function
not like they did

where there was hope
there is abyss

you destroyed our world
with one fell swoop

you
could never be mine

could you?

This is suffering
this is silence

to pierce my ears
like a sine lance

skin is paper
for the universe to burn

I will not
ever ever learn

God will it go away
this infernal pain

let me stop writing
writing away the pain

no longer is there meaning
only feelings

please someone
this is a cry for help

please someone
this is a cry for help

please please god

anyone

LET THE MUSIC STOP
LET IT GO

PLEASE

THERE IS NO ANGER
ONLY ANGUISH

PLEASE
HELP
HELP
HELP
I AM NOT A POET
I NEED HELP
I AM STRUGGLING
I NEED HELP
I AM FIGHTING
LIKE I WAS TOLD TO
NEVER ENOUGH
PLEASE I'M CRACKING
PLEASE I CAN'T BLEED
I CANNOT BREATHE
I NEED YOU
I NEED A RELEASE
I NEED
A SAFETY FOR THIS TRIGGER
GOD IT NEVER STOPS
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
let it end
let it go
let me live
among the snow
that forest
of lies
is so repulsive
please
never go back
I won't
I never will

but it's coming after me
security in trees
the cracked walls
that hold my insecurities
please
god
it isn't going away
it's been so long
it doesn't leave
it doesn't form words
not real ones
I can't structure
in this muffled padded room
let me out
LET ME OUT
I WANT OUT
NOW HELPhelphelpnowgodhelpmenowhelpmenot losehelpmelivehelpmeliehelpmediehelpmelivehelpme diehelp me drive off a cliff help it go help it all help it all die die die leave leave leave shut the door shut the door SHUT IT SHUT IT NOW SHUT SHUT NOW NOW NOW I NEED HELPTHERE IS NO HELP NOT FOR ME NO PLEASE HELP IT'S GOINGgoinggoing control gone is here control is here please lock it away these scars will fade and you will live today

here one day
gone the next

just like
summer morning dew

beautiful and flourishing
until burned by the sun


it's like a knife
cutting daffodils

brutal, efficient
uncompromising

******


gasoline
poured on embers

embers
that hoped to die


I'll burn it all
all of it

and watch the flames


watching it all
slip hopelessly


into oblivion

I've seen
the woods and trees

the crooked stars
that lie between

and the stares
of hollow oaks


yes please
please spare some pity

let these rags
mend with twigs

and I'll ****
just to be worthy


hey there
you aren't a razor

what are you doing
in my home?

have I
taken the role?

have I

done it again?