16 Years Old, yet I feel as though I've done nothing with my life.
16 Years Old, yet I've never been invited to a house party.
16 Years Old, yet I've never had my first kiss or first drink.

16 Years Old and I feel like I'm not living life,
that I'm not truly being a teenager
and making life long memories.

You've been offline for 16 minutes
I could have said it, but I didn't
I had it written, but I didn't send it
I'm kind of a coward, I'll admit it.

I couldn't fit it in a space that I thought you would read
I had a tendency to ramble when you listened
or pretended, and in the poems that you've never seen
it's just as bad,
I go careening through a bending path of bramble
tryna scramble to the point
but I lost you
neck deep in the prose that arose
around a metaphor packed to the brim
with condescending tid bits
where I use your words against you
but a heavy weight that sits
over it all, when I lost the only friend I can talk to

so let me spend the next half hour
showering over you
another lesson in epistemology
honestly I don't know how you could be
so dim to miss what I've put in to this

Do you not see how wrong you are

Does it bother you
To have every miss step
pounced on and deconstructed
I was talking down
just to knock it through your thick head
but I guess I ****** it
I'll just have to say it angrier now

Let me spend the next two months convincing you
whatever you had seen in me was through a lens
I didn't deserve to be seen through
All it took was losing you to see
I'm exactly where I should have ended up

I know that no apology
will unwind the web I spun. the web I sit on now
to watch what I've undone with my own hands.
Hands that even now subside in fear
of what I'd hear then in your voice
when you reply
to let it die

So I'll let it die
I'm sorry

You've been offline for 16 minutes
I could have said it, but I didn't
I had it written, but I didn't send it
I'm kind of a coward, I'll admit it.

I couldn't fit it in a space that I thought you would read
I had a tendency to ramble when you listened
or pretended, and in the poems that you've never seen
it's just as bad,
I go careening through a bending path of bramble
tryna scramble to the point
but I lost you
neck deep in the prose that arose
around a metaphor packed to the brim
with condescending tid bits
where I use your words against you
but a heavy weight that sits
over it all, when I lost the only friend I can talk to

so let me spend the next half hour
showering over you
another lesson in epistemology
honestly I don't know how you could be
so dim to miss what I've put in to this

Do you not see how wrong you are

Does it bother you
To have every miss step
pounced on and deconstructed
I was talking down
just to knock it through your thick head
but I guess I ****** it
I'll just have to say it angrier now

Let me spend the next two months convincing you
whatever you had seen in me was through a lens
I didn't deserve to be seen through
All it took was losing you to see
I'm exactly where I should have ended up

I know that no apology
will unwind the web I spun. the web I sit on now
to watch what I've undone with my own hands.
Hands that even now subside in fear
of what I'd hear then in your voice
when you reply
to let it die

So I'll let it die
I'm sorry

I wish I could describe the feeling
of being high and happy one day,
and then lonely and unmotivated the next.
The truth is I'm just confused with my life right now.
It seems these days my feelings change like the seasons.
How many more sunsets do I have to watch
before I finally pull back and feel whole?
I used to wish for the days of living in my own apartment.
Never did I think I would get this lonely.
I used to wish for the days of moving to a different city with my friends.
Never did I think they would leave and it would just be me.
There are days where I am inspired,
and you can see me dancing in the sunlight.
Riding this high as far as I can.
It took me a while to realize that my life is no sitcom.
My years as a young adult
aren't playing out how I thought they would be.  
No, they are not like the ones you see on TV.
Forgive me if I sound dramatic,
but this is not the state I thought I would be in
when I was 16 and full of hope.

Dilapidated tears evaporated,
         where days descended
one by one like dead leaves
                    falling day by day.

A celebration of agonizing
     desolation where this aging
of youth was culpable to silence.
Candles engraved with fleeting dejection.

With every breath,
          years were extinguished.
beyond the grasp if youthful
                               understanding.

But we gather our days and realise
     that even though were vacant
of smiles now, there will be a time
of  celebration, where your surrounded
                                 with faithful friendships.

i wish to be the
Devil
who can control time
then I could
Stop
myself from
Falling
back into darkness.