They take everything from you
Expect more
And more
And more
But you
Can't
Please
Them

They don't care about you
Not
At
All

Eat how much they want
You're expected to adapt
Even though
You didn't
Ask them
To
Be
Here

Get rid of them
They
Are
Toxic

Am I annoying?
Too loud?
It feels like
I'm friends with shadows

Wondering why
No one replies
No one makes plans with me

Who'd want to be
With someone
Who's quiet one moment
And annoying the other?

Left out
Alone
Hurting

But I wouldn't want
To be a burden
So I **** it up
Stay quiet

Old habits stick
Like I'm covered in glue
It makes me sick
I can't get them off
No matter what I do

They stain my hands
Stick to my skin
They're outside of me
And within

I try to peel
To scrub and change
But healing and growth
Still feels strange

Everyone gets a headache
Once in a while
No one really cares why
It’ll go away soon anyway
Right?

No matter how strong it feels
People always seem to know what heals
“Drink more water,
Get some fresh air
There’s no need to feel despair.”
They say

The problem is
This headache is different
It doesn’t go away after some hours,
Maybe a few days
It doesn’t go away at all
Headaches like this
They just dim
Over time
Until you get used to it
Or forget
It even exists

Used to play hide and seek
With emotions
That made me "weak"

They counted
Only to ten
Not much time to hide
So they always caught up
And found me
In the bathtub

Over time
They knew all spots
I used for hiding
They always find me

They make no noise
Walk on their tippy toes
Silent shadows
In endless rows

I don't want to play
But for them
Even when it's over
The game never ends

I'm not better
Than you
Than her
Than him
Than them
I'm not better than anyone else

I'm not better
A fact
I don't want
To accept

Imperfect
Jealous
Angry
Sad
Numb
All these emotions
They're mine
But who doesn't feel them?
Are my feelings
Anyone's feelings
Not allowed
Not valid
Anymore?

I act like I'm better
Than you
Than her
Than him
Than them
Better than anyone else
To distract me
From feeling
Like I'm worse
Worse than anyone
Because deep down
I know
That's the truth

I'm the worst

“She’s sleeping til noon every day
With a mood that’s always gray”
Is what her mother says
While rolling her eyes
Piles of laundry,
Countless dishes
In her messy room

But hidden beneath
The laziness her mother sees
Is the reason why she always sleeps
She’s tired.
Tired of living
Tired of fighting
Tired of pretending
Tired of everything

Her mother is wondering
Why there’s always an empty seat
Where her daughter is supposed to be
But she never dares to ask
Just scrapes her daughter’s untouched plate

Then one night
Over a bridge so high
She lets out her final sigh
Before letting go of everything
The only thing that’s left from her
Is a note
A note written by shaking hands
A note soaked in teardrops
A note written to her mother

“Lazy is what you called me.
You never asked why I couldn’t move
You never asked why I was hiding all the time
You never asked why I was so tired all the time
And now you know why.”

Now her mother won’t complain
About a messy room ever again
She doesn’t even dare to enter her daughter’s bedroom
She would give anything
To hear that tired voice
Just once again

Summer is coming up
Should I be excited?
Should I be happy?
I used to be
And maybe I should
But I'm not

Summers aren't
What they used
To be

As a child
Summers were something
That everyone
Really, everyone
Looked forward to

So Magical

The magic that used to be
Is gone
Never coming back

Now
Everyone is in their rooms
No one goes out
With their friends
Plays Ball
Goes swimming

The magic that used to be
Will it ever come back?

I used to knock
She would answer
All around the clock
She never asked
Why I was so late
And with a smile
Opened the gate

Always had space
For the quiet ache
I couldn't erase
We talked for hours
Went for walks at the lake

I wore out
The welcome in
Now I doubt
If i should knock
And if I do
The once open door
Stays locked

I always like to sleep
Because otherwise
I’m tired
And feel so deep
All day
All night

But with you
I’d stay up all night
Until we see the light
Of the sun rising
And it’s surprising
How together
We can stay awake
All day
All night

And I’d do it
Again and again
All over
Every time
For you
All day
All night

I waited
Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Days
Weeks
Months
Years
Nothing changed
Nothing healed

You're holding the rope so tight
Your fingers,
Your palms,
Ripped open
Hurting
Bleeding

Yet you can't let go
You just can't let go
What if you lose?
But what if
What feels like a loss
Is better than winning?
Better than
That long lasting
Dull Ache,
Endless Bleeding

Even if you don't let go
Who says you'll win?
At some point
Your arms give in
You have to let go
Anyway

But what if you let go
Right now?
What if
There's Relief?
What if
You're finally
Able to breathe?

Forget winning
Forget losing

Sometimes
You just have to
Let go

I called you
Stranger
Friend
Best friend
Lover
Stranger.

I was addicted
Addicted to you
The way
You made me feel
Like I was special
But you ruined me
Now I ask myself
Wasn't it obvious?
So obvious

You couldn't save me
From my darkest thoughts
From my pain
From my battle inside
From the cuts I hide
Probably didn't even try
You didn't try
But did I?

You're hurting me
I can't let go
You can't let go
Just let go

It hurts to leave
Even though
You're hurting me
Why can't you leave me?
Why can't I leave you?
We're not meant for each other
Set me free
Finally free

Now I'm realizing
You couldn't save me
I couldn't save you either
You hurt me
I hurt you too