If I died today
Would people come to my funeral
Cry like I deserved better
And leave me sweet messages I wouldn't hear
Would my friends miss me
Or would my family put me in their hearts forever

If I died today
Would you come to my wake
Bring me flowers
Remember my days
And pray for me

If I died today
Where do you think would I go
To heaven, a place of eternity
Or to hell, the place I suppose I deserve

I was supposed to die the other year
I was in a dead end
The flowers withered
My soul stopped dreaming
Most nights I cried
Walked with bad ideas in the morning
Everything stopped
I hated my own heartbeat
Why was it beating so loud
I wanted to shut it off
I was alone and lonely

My parents didn't notice
My friends thought I was crazy
I wasn't crazy, I was lost
I didn't reach out to anyone
I didn't drink
I didn't smoke
I didn't get high
Everything was black
I wanted to scream
But the voices were louder than my thoughts
I could hear death

Scared to go on with my life
Happiness was never a word
It was just pure fantasy
But I gave it a shot
Just one more year
Let's see if I could make it
Just one more year
Try to ignore the voices
I reminded myself
Everyday, just one more year

I was raised by a man with a hammer and nail
My world was all about forests and gardens
Watered by rain and nurtured by sunlight
The carvings made by my father
Were masterpieces worth a thousand of joy
My toys were made of wood
A shiny purple kite he played with me on windy days
A little cart where I stayed most of the day
While staring at the sky, laughing all alone
Those were the days

I was raised by a woman with cloth and needle
She made me beautiful dresses and handkerchiefs
I could smell love and passion everytime I wear them
On special occasions, even on regular days
The curtains she made for our only window
Where she changed the colors, seven times a week
We danced before going to bed
And pretended to be the queen and princess
From a castle far away
Those were the days

I was raised by a man and a woman
Showered with love and rinsed with hope
I was fed with dreams and drank from sweet life
I was taught with lessons one could never learn from school
Read from the books with no prints
But visuals of reality and forgiveness
I was raised by a man and a woman
Who painted the sky with bright colors
They were my fairy and genie
Who filled my entire life with magic

I was raised by a man and woman
Who have aged after some time
They’ve spent more than four decades
Living a life watching me grow up
I was raised to become a woman and find my own man
Who’s going to build a new castle, a new life, a new home with me
I was raised to say yes to the right man
I walked down the aisle with the man and woman
They are ready to hand me to the man I am destined to be with
The man I am going to spend my new life with, raising the resemblance of our true love

And all the rantings I thought were gone
But the anger in your voice
Drives me to different galaxies
Nothing has changed in me
Or in you
We, both are still the same
Separated by these asteroids and moons
Still fighting for a glimpse of light

Your eyes are like the sun
And that one eclipse
Told me how you lied

I found the key
I've been looking for
a couple of years

I took the chance
Unlocked the door
Dragged myself out

I ran and stumbled
Never taking my eyes
Off that door

I am far away
Of that I'm sure
I stopped, closed my eyes

Laying in the dirt
I couldn't ask for more
But where am I?

I came back to my senses
Found myself
On this familiar ground

I looked around
There, I saw
That same old door

I tried to run
But I'm chained
I lost again

have i told you
i am never going to fall in love
with anyone

have i told you
i am never going to be that girl
who changes for you, for everyone

have i told you
i am never going to stop writing
because of you

Like the scenes in movies
Glass shattering
Screaming, crying
And slamming of doors
She had them twice

Once at 9
An angel so young
Saw everything in life
Tasted grief and loss
Thirsty of love and hope

The other at 25
An angel grew up too fast
She screamed and cried
Picked up the pieces of glass
While he slammed the door
She wasn't at all surprised

A painter can paint beautiful skies and you
A writer can write stories of him and you
A singer can sing a song for you*
But a lover can love you
Everything about you

Yester-memories
I named it
It all started with you
And ended without you

You opened your doors
To a girl like me
You let me in
But never let me be
You showed me your paradise
Every rainbow I could see
You let me touch you
Every way I had
I memorized your every soul
Your hidden paths
And mysterious calls
You looked at me
With flowers on the bloom
I took off your mask
So you could see me
But you won't
I guess I know why
I'm just your what if
That you never dared ask

One must lose, the other must win
I'd stop fighting for you
If my loss is your gain
I'd rather lose this war
Than to keep fighting
Knowing you wouldn't be mine

After all,
I was just a paper bill
An exchange for something you love.
After all,
I was just a paper bill
A printed piece that can be crumpled, given, and lost.

You painted walls with me
With colors so bright
The way you smile at me

We filled it up with joy
And laughter and glee
That was a masterpiece

You held my hand
As you brushed the sheet
You kissed my cheeks
And told me you're lucky having me

It was just yesterday
The colors turned gray
As it rained
And my tears fell down
Cause you walked away

Maybe, it wasn't  a masterpiece
That's what you're good at
Changing the canvas
When I do it my way

One came with a tool
Looked for the best soil
Started digging until
Every layer could be seen
Making the little rock to fall deeply
The lowest of all grounds
Saved the rock
It fell without one
Holding it back
It fell with no sound
The little rock broke
Bits scattered
Joining the tiny pieces from before
No one dared to pick it up

"You dig a hole because you want to build something in it"
"I dig to make use of the soil."

when the rain pours,
does it tire?
like the wind blows,
does it fade?
the sun shines
until five
do you recall?
you wiped my tears,
to let the new one fall.

Her thoughts are of you
You smile like yellow
You laugh like orange

Her dreams are for you
You blink blue
Your touch is lilac

Her tears are because of you
You talk in grey
Your reason is black

Her tomorrow isn't with you
Your voice is nothing
Nothing can be seen

I love you
she told you
you just smiled
never said a word

I love you
she's in love with you
you hugged her
said thank you

I love you
she cried
you wiped her tears
everything's gonna be fine

I love you
she had her make up on
you held her hand
and walked

I love you
she wore a dress
you touched her hair
said let's go

I love you
she wrote on a letter
you kept it
hid it under your bed

I love you
she waited for you
you had her
but not with her

I love you
said you love her too
it's too late
she loves herself more

Rain was for sadness
Not anymore
To a girl who dreams
Of silence in the storm

The vines of steel
Beneath the jungle of towers
Turned to a 5
Until it reached to a zero

Cold was inevitable
But to the girl
It was more than summer
A summer without voice

Now, the sun has come out
Little dinosaurs roared
Caves were emptied
As they welcomed the king

The music was switched
The melody was gone
For it was the girl
Who talked to no one

I am here
And you're there
I'm legal
You're under
Our worlds crashed
But
You seem unaffected

Slowly,
You came closer
I was falling
You weren't ready
You called my name
I turned
You smiled
She said, "Hi"

-glzl

at 12 and 37
you stumble through
a picture,
a picture of grief,
pain, sorrow, and death

at the same hour
they bumped into:
piles of joy, screams,
wild heart,
perfect timings

how are things possible?
in the blink of an eye,
it's there and then,
it's gone

you are broken,
you are healed,
you are relieved,
and you should be lucky.

there's a chair
left in the corner
nobody touches
nobody dares to sit

rumors spreading
it belonged to her
her! that's her chair
the teacher's chair

-glzl

it wasn't like she woke up
and was ready to know the bad news

it wasn't like she heard your voice
but now it's gone

it wasn't like you've prepared breakfast
and now she's alone

it wasn't like you said "good night"
and tonight's empty

you taught her how to be strong
now, she doesn't know

it was Monday morning
a letter was handed to her
she did not understand what it said
except that you're with Him

sun rises
so do I
count your steps
i'll count mine

walk straight
give way
look back
don't roll your eyes

your day is yours
theirs are theirs
mine is mine
don't cross any lines

stop breaking fences
apologies can rebuild them
repaint your walls
wash your hands
change your clothes

and say sorry to me.