I wanted to die
Planned it for weeks
I have to do it
But on the night
Of my death
I got lazy
And sleepy
All because of work
I couldn’t bring myself
To get up and do it
So i fell asleep
And wrote this the next morning

I’m just 3 years away
From being 3 decades old
Surprisingly, I feel at least nothing
For the first time since turning 18
Managed to keep my cheeks dry today
My head isn’t foggy
My heart doesn’t hurt
I’m far from being happy
But at least
I acknowledged turning
A year older
I don’t look forward to anything anymore
The sun rose today
And it will set
As it did yesterday
At the very least
I didn’t feel like a disappointment today
And somehow
People remembered me

I whispered through the night
Wishing things would end
Because if they aren’t
I don’t know where I’m heading

I wrote a letter
To my family
Friends and unknown lover
That if i disappear
I swear on my life
I am not dead
Maybe I just couldn’t
Find my way home
As i have never been
To one