Captivity of negativity

i feel something pulling me down
like my very soul being gripped
by the baleful clutches of death itself

have i succumbed to my
self inflicted insanity?
i can no longer tell apart
reality from my twisted fantasies

it all started from thoughts so depressing
like it was vomitted from the bodies of
a thousand suicidal souls with no reason to live
a life drenched with the fear of not being good enough

longing to sate the hunger for perfection
to appease the judgemental *******
who had the audacity to blame society
for every misfortune that has befallen them

Oh, The irony
We blame society, but we are society.
but who am i to judge?
for im just an agnostic sadistic hypocrite...

I wanna drown in a bottle of bourbon
just to numb the pain of the grenade you left in my heart
each fragment ricochets whispers of  your voice.

Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling where
our memories are scribbled but i just can't seem to shield my eyes
maybe it's because im still hoping to hold your hand or is it because
my heart is too heavy that i need both hands to carry it.


Your laughter used to fill every crevice of this shackled place with a glimmer of hope.
But after our altercation and throwing our memories down the drain where bits of my heart lay,
I must accept the fact that you will never be a part of my equation.

How can i even keep my emotions from flowing out?!
when the stars and the moon come crashing down while shouting your name,  the splash of the waves contains your tears, and the wind which carries  your scent  makes me nostalgic of the day that we first met.

I yearn for a coconut to hit me on the head just to forget the agony.

There's a haze-around the thoughts of you, a soft filtered glow,lighter in the corners and warm splashed flares that fill the frames.
Were there flowers in your veins, petals soaked blood that blossomed across your cheeks?
Maybe this is why your lips tasted of lavender. Are we the love we have made, are we more than the breath
that rose and the blush that spread and the shaking hands holding shaking backs?
I never knew my memory i could come saturated with texture and temperature and the sensation of your hands on my crotch.
I swear there is a garden chest
I know i can feel you blooming
I will trace the roots across your flesh, and i cannot stop licking my lips.

People hide from their demons
They try to run away
I think we should embrace them
Listen to what they say

Everyone has their inner demons
Most are afraid of the rage
I say unleash them
rather than put them in a cage

Demons are just an extension of your heart
it's another part of your brain
Just because your demons talk to you
doesn't mean your insane

I've let my demons live in my soul
But the lines are starting to blur
I don't know where I end and the demons begin
A change is starting to occur

These dark thoughts are starting to get darker
This anger is starting to grow
Society has fed the monster
Am I even human anymore, because I don't know?

Lying on the cracked floorboards
in a house that reeks of disappointment
and disgust. My only companion is my unappreciated withered soul my only nourishment are my suicidal thoughts.
Scribbled on the leaking ceiling are all the ways I could end my torment.
Each night I hope for the sweet escape of death.

You were supposed to fix the broken pieces of my soul not scatter it across the galaxies in your eyes where your tears filled with shards of painful memories flooded  the starways. It baffles me how our love which started with emanating happiness ended in such glorious tragedy.
I'm pulsating with rage and confusion, but I'll instead apologize for my love wasn't enough to appease what your soul craved for.
I'm thankful for being a sadist because the pain im feeling right now is comparable to crawling on a field of razor blades tipped with a paralyzing  neurotoxin while being chased by your apparition wielding a sword that slowly slashes at what's left of my mangled soul while trying to dodge the knives that always end up in the depths of my heart.

the child is grown
the dream is gone
and i am comfortably numb

I saw a young beauty at jail
i just had enough for her bail
so i chopped her up neatly
and packed her discreetly
as i sent her parts home in the mail

Cold white flakes fall from the heavens
So delicate and unique
Each pattern different from the last
Each one with it's own identity
Like moments falling from the past
Each one dear  and special
But when you reach out
To grasp it and hold it close,
It melts in your warm hold
And fades away
Until it is nothing but a memory
Of something beautiful that once was

'Definition'
I love you
Is never just love
There is never
So sweet adoration
So much succulent lust
Enough feeling to bleach out
The world she knew
A companionship equalled
By no partnership
In time, or space
A pledge of devotion
Loyalty unhindered
Eternal passion
Put simply
Is love'

Faith takes the brokenness and makes it whole.
Jagged pieces must be handled with care.
Faith softens them with power to console.
They will rebuild with belief they’re all there.

Faith is the power to compel healing.
It is the life force of recovery.
Faith is glue between cracks that need sealing.
Knowing the broken will heal is the key.