She taints everything,
Your smile, your eyes.
Things that used to fill me with joy,
Now make me think of her.
I want you to be happy,
But this is becoming too much to bear.
Seeing her in your arms every day,
Watching as you push back her
Too-bleached hair and kiss
Her forehead the way you did mine.
Seeing you whisper small words
Of love in her ear, words
I can still hear so clearly in my own.
I miss everything about you.
Feeling your arms around my waist
And your soft lips on my cheek,
Keeping me in your lap for what
Felt like forever.
But forever is nothing but
Something we made up
In our foolish minds,
Clouded with the idea of young love.
When I look at you, I see the
Hundreds of smiles she’s put on
Your face when all I could was a scowl.
I hear the words of love she gives you,
When all I could do was curse.
But she doesn’t know how you felt
The day your mother died.
She’s never sat next to you
While you were in a hospital bed
Covered in tubes and wires after
An accident that only you survived.
She wasn’t the one comforting you
Every night when you woke up screaming.
Your relationship with her is easy,
You can just be together without
The stress that we had.
I don’t regret helping you through that,
I just wish I had thought to help us in the process.
An older poem that I rewrote