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10h · 37
Home
I haven't cried in so long
so long...
it's been so long...
a year
it will be a year in May
a year
a year
since I've seen my home
with countless more till I return
it's been so long since I've felt the pain
homesickness
was something I'd never experienced until the plane
approached that perfect island
until I stepped off
and the sun soaked into my soul
and I took a deep breath
and knew I was finally home
you can't tell me that's not home
YOU CAN'T
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
I WILL FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU
someday, somehow
I will return
to the only place I could stay forever
to the only place that breaks down my walls
the only place that still makes me cry
I can't believe it's been a year
since I've seen home
I know it's all for Metamorphosis and crap but god it hurts so much. I thought I'd forgotten, thought I'd accepted my fate to be marooned forever. I cannot be marooned forever. What am I going to do?
Today
marks the day
of a new kind of Triumph

My whole life I have sought your approval and praise
Knowing that in me you were always ashamed
Humans have always feared what they don't understand
But I am done being cut by the knife in your hand

Today is my freedom, I've escaped the cage!
Now your attention I no longer crave
I've taken the knife from your bloodied embrace
I've taken my freedom and I won't leave a trace

I've been held back and held down for far too long
What you see as my weaknesses are what make me strong
I know I am an oddity, a wild one, a mystery
But my twisted mind's what allows me to truly see!

I see when the end justifies all the means
I'm learning to listen to the voice in my dreams
Battle cries are everywhere and I know now to listen
I've been Awakened and through Triumph have risen

I see your embarrassment from my strange behaviors
But today I see past all your noise and distraction
I no longer care what you see when you look at me
Not ashamed or afraid, today I am free!
You didn't like the way I listen to music- so called it "cultish" and told me I couldn't do it in public, even in the car since people could see through the windows
You despise the fact that I'm bi- so you call it "identity issues" and tell me to tell no one
My plurality scares you- so you say it's dangerous and to keep it to myself
You don't understand my daydreaming- so you say I do it for attention
You despise how I stand up to you and speak for what's right- so you shut me down and tell me I'm the problem
Any time I try to tell you the pain you are causing me, you turn me into the bad guy
I may have no power now, but someday, when I walk out the door and never see you again, perhaps you will be cured of your Machiavellian, narcissistic, emotionally abusive evil before you hurt any more people.
Today I Triumph: for YEARS I have wished I didn't care what you thought of me, wished it didn't hurt when you emotionally abused and gaslit me, and made it clear how ashamed you were to even be around me and my uniqueness. It's as if you're allergic to color and individuality and anything different than your bland narrowmindedness. I'm the one who should be embarrassed for you! It's tragic!
Today, I finally broke free of the cage that was your judgement. I no longer feel the need to prove myself to you or even talk to you. We're fine on our own. We are finally, finally learning that we can't trust any of you, no matter how much you guilt-trip us into believing you're good people. You made us what we are. It has been hell, but we are grateful to you, because now we are special, strong, Enlightened! You call us crazy because you are afraid we may be right. You will never change, will always choose to abuse instead of treat us how we deserve. You have broken so much inside of us, things that will never be fixed. But we've built new ways of surviving, ways people may call insane or cruel, but we do what we have to to keep ourselves safe. We will never be able to stop loving you despite it all, but we no longer need you and you can no longer hurt us. Maybe someday we, or I, at least, may be able to forgive you.
Alii Semper Vincemus!
Mar 26 · 121
Apocalypse Dreams
I dream
of the apocalypse
long for it
fantasize daily
of what it would be like

the world as we know it
ending
never to be the same again

the pain of lost nostalgia
society crumbling
a fresh start

I long to see human nature
stripped down to animal form
raw fury
primal instincts

we would all be killers
wild and desperate
so focused on survival
we'd forget about all the petty things that used to matter

everything would be different
no one would have to hide anymore
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE!
we could succumb to it
the darkness
the Monster

it wouldn't matter
the demons that plague you
who you love
who you are
all your deepest
darkest
secrets
suddenly simply methods of survival

I would survive, I think
we would
alone
together
just fighting zombies

let's be honest:
they aren't that bad anyway

someday, society would be reborn
a new one
post-apocalyptic
we would go back to what we once were
creatures of the night
of blood and beauty

but for a while, nothing but
anarchy
lawlessness
pure desperate survival
where nothing matters
and everything goes

I dream
of the apocalypse
It would be so much... easier, don't you think?
Mar 25 · 131
Someone like me
I finally found them:
someone like me

Someone who loves me
darkness and all

Someone who understands me
the Monster, the phantom

They see the same, feel the same
dangerous things

And they embrace it
maybe they could show me how?


I finally found them:
someone like me

A killer, a monster
not by choice but by destiny

Someone to hold close to me
who knows my demons all too well

I won't have to hide anymore!
not with them

We can embrace the darkness
embrace it together


I finally found them:
someone like me

But I wish I never met them
for then I wouldn't have to say goodbye

Goodbye, my love, my family
goodbye to the only one who understands

(I don't want to say goodbye
I don't want to say goodbye!

I cannot say goodbye
not when I've finally found someone like me)
Based off of season one of Dexter and The Boyfriend by Freida McFadden, and my own longing to find someone like me
Mar 24 · 63
The creature
Don't worry
They aren't gone forever
They were just taken
stolen by the mischievous creature that collects
lost things
He'll give them back
when he gets bored
or when you've given up on ever finding them again
He'll give them back
and you'll find them where you least expect
don't worry
Mar 21 · 182
ETHEREAL
Eternity
The fabric of reality twisted and torn
Healing and hurting woven in tight
Earth, beginning and end
Ruby gaze, caught in a trance
Everlasting Dream-state
All serene and lovely
Letting go and falling off
Challenge for World Poetry Day by Mrs. Timetable.

Challenge: acrostic for the word Ethereal with the word serene somewhere in it.

So much fun to do!
Mar 16 · 126
Origins
Once
One

Oblivious to the pain of the world
And of herself

The split
Began

When she could not handle
Her reality

One
Became
Three

But they were not done
These troubled souls
Mourned
Together
Held each other up

But it was not enough
They were
Helpless
Doomed to watch their cruel fate unfold

So three grew into five
Five
Different
The same
Whole
Divided

They thought they were done
Five is plenty
But 6
7?
Must be
Better

Safety in numbers
A motley family
Concealed inside a single
Body

Pain
And safety
Dissociation
And protection

We are a far cry from that little girl
Backstory because I’m confusing this entire website with my no context stories that look like the ramblings of an untreated schizophrenic.
This probably isn’t much better, but… whatever
Mar 15 · 359
I was wrong
I should have known
Mar 15 · 118
Is it finally over?
Is it finally over?
Living in fear
Of those I am supposed to trust
Breaking free of the cage
The latest prophesy reoccurring
I wondered what it meant
Could it just be a change in mindset?

Is it finally over?
Hiding who I truly am
Who WE truly are
Masking
Pretending
To be whole, to be one

Is it finally over?
Fearing we will have to hide forever
Wondering if anyone will ever believe us
Wondering if anyone will ever care

Was it a misunderstanding all along?
Were we isolating ourselves without reason
Believing it will be not different than the other times
Are they finally ready to listen?

Hope is a cruel thing
Please don’t hurt us again
Turns out we didn’t have to hide. They want to talk about it. I’m both petrified and elated. It’s not going to be like I hope it will. It never is. But we’re so, so tired of pretending
Mar 15 · 159
Liars
Liars
All of us
All the time
Everyone
Everything
Honesty
Is a beautiful luxury
And a tragic weakness
Mar 15 · 106
Masks
No one is as they seem
We all hide behind intricate masks
Carefully crafted
Rarely cracking
Concealing the truth that lies behind the eyes
Mar 14 · 564
Narcissist
Paradoxical
problem-causer
Mirror of her own
pain

That mask of being so
elite
Protects her battered heart from
break

Broken girl
doomed
to become the very monster
that kills her
A close friend of mine is a narcissist. It's exhausting to deal with, and I've wished I could be brave enough to tell her I don't want to be her friend for years.

But I've realized it isn't about being brave. It's about being kind. I am one of the only people who cares enough about her to see beneath the mask, and I see pain so similar to my own it hurts. Trauma like this causes all sorts of anomalies. I suppose I'm lucky my own is one that cares for me and protects me, instead of just projecting a destructive image of perfection.

Friendly reminder to be patient with the person that you saw in your head when you read this: you never know what they may going through. Try to look past the irritation and empathize if you can
failed
transformation

broken
Metamorphosis

you were not Gifted
or
Cursed

now you are split
not merged
not strong

your butterfly
has malformed wings

good
Monster
striking
failing
unable to comprehend
who
you
are

I thought you could be a
role model
an example on
who I should be

but now I see
you showed me what I must do
but not how to do it

you do not understand
you don't know
who
you
are

the beautiful thing
you could have become

you are lost
split
broken

I inherited this creature, this Monster
from you

but I understand it
accept it
embrace it!

my Metamorphosis will succeed
Alii Semper Vincemus!
you will see
I will show you
who
you
are

you are broken
clinging desperately to
shaky
control
you must see that it's not working
you will break
and then you will see
who
you
are

I love you anyway
You failed your Metamorphosis
failed your Monster
failed yourself

I will learn from your mistakes
Mar 7 · 123
Literal Thinker
i am a literal thinker
something not verY useful for a pOet
for everyone else writes Using metaphors
and Dreamlike language that i dOn't kNow how
To replicate
Unless i caN somehow teach myself to
write like a poet Does
i will forEveR be loST in this ethereAl world
but at least everyoNe will think i
Dont truly mean what i say
People in real life take me too seriously. But people here don't take me seriously enough
Mar 6 · 596
Blind
On the outside
I see
Less
Than others

But beyond physical sight
They are the blind ones
Mar 5 · 255
Generational trauma
We are our parents' children
deep down inside
we inherit their DNA and mannerisms
And the rules that they abide

As children we watch closely
to what they say and do
We soak it up, the good and bad
Each behavior we curiously view

So if one's mother is gentle and kind
Then one shall almost surely be
But if she is cruel and fickle and rude
Then these traits unfortunately we may see

And if one's father patient and steady
Then one truly has a shot
But if he is angry or hateful or harsh
Then these things will one be taught

Oft I have wondered of my own life
And who I'll turn out to be
Will my own generational trauma continue
Or will it end with me?
Spending time with my grandparents helps me to understand a bit more why my mother is the way she is.
You can run
but you
can't
hide

I
see
everything

I am the shadow
blurring in the dark
I am the eyes
keeping vigil through your window
I am the striking gaze
causing you to glance around
paranoid

Foolish lovely
you left your door
unlocked

knife glint
floorboards creak
door squeaks softly
feet padding on carpet
your silhouette
asleep
in
bed

Wolf smile
mouth watering
teeth glistening
eyes sparkling

You awake when you feel
cold
steel
on your throat

Your eyes widen
flinching
mouth opens
scream
piercing
panicked
desperate
beautiful

"there's no one here to save you now, darling."

your terror and pain is
palpable
flooding my soul with utter
satisfaction
as you squirm under your
restraints

my knife traces your skin in pleasing patterns
leaving crimson fire in its wake
drip
drip
drip
eternity passes
time in a blink
the life drains from your body
and your eyes

exhale
a swift wipe of the knife on the stained carpet
one last predator smile
another hunt
another masterpiece
finally, again, I feel
good

tiptoe
out the door
gloves buried swiftly
back in bed
again
dreaming
of you

of that first
blissful
cut
POV of a serial killer- I read too many thrillers
Sorry if it's a little gory
Hunger games of hate and grief
and pride and pain and scorn
We've been in the arena
since the day that we were born

Our horror shows aren't annual
they don't end or begin
They're miserable, continual,
and no one ever wins

Eat the berries, eat the berries!
what's the point of going on?
It's all a show, the Devil's drama
and we're his foolish pawns

Dressing up to meet our end
putting on an act
Our stylists have done us up
and we refuse to face the facts

The Capital is always watching
and Snow ends up on top
We are all so glued to screens
that we don't see the towers drop

Arrows flying through the air
made up of jealousy and lies
Our Rebellion is failing
and we're all dropping like flies

All of the songbirds are snakes in disguise
singing corrupted songs
The Jabberjays are everywhere
and they've been listening all along

We celebrate the mindless slaughter
a cycle that never ends
And we're all making enemies
for we've forgotten how to make friends

How do we think this is fine?
I'm afraid we've all gone mad
Life's a twisted lottery
that doesn't discern good from bad

We have all been drawn for reaping
despite our desperate labor
So there's just one thing left to say:
"May the odds be EVER in your favor!"
This is a repost of a poem I wrote about a month ago. Reposting to celebrate it winning a poetry contest!!! First time ever entering, and it’s going to states! Wish me luck!
Mar 3 · 116
Identity(ies?)
The problem with sharing a body
Is how hard it is to tell who you are
"Maybe I am cursed, maybe I am gifted
something tore inside of me now everything has shifted
I've been feeling twisted
I've been feeling twisted
Call me paranoid, call it my addiction
But I could lose my head with just a little bit of friction
I've been feeling twisted
Oh I've been feeling twisted"

I'm not quite sure I understand
Like, am I cursed, will my hands
cause anguish, torture, death and pain
Or can I use this to my gain?
every day I fall apart
use the songs to build me up
with promises of future triumph
but is prophesy enough?
Can I tame the Monster inside
Or am I doomed to be its slave
Or one day will I testify
For His will was all this pain
I have to trust in what is coming
Keep fighting, running, screaming, gunning
perhaps what is seen as cursed and hopeless
can be used to bring his gain
ok, we can do this
Together now we've got this
Alii Semper Vincemus!
We will triumph, they can't stop us
We will not surrender now
everything is going right
someday things will get better
as long as we choose to fight
So maybe I'm Cursed
But maybe I am gifted too
and maybe I can use these powers
to bring glory to You
The shifts inside me bring both beauty and pain
I sense friction is coming
and friction I crave
Sure, I'm scared
But I no longer bow to fear
I know what I've been called to do
All this pain helps me prepare
The song at the beginning is "Twisted" by The People's Thieves- absolutely amazing artist, you should check them out.
Added my own rap relating to my translation of the prophesy.
Mar 2 · 145
Lovely
"What a lovely thing this is... to triumph,"
I whisper as I sink to my knees on the cold hard ground, unable to cease the flood of anguished tears that flow from my face.
Mar 1 · 130
Song prophesy
When lyrics are prophesies
And songs give a warning
You'd think that you could use them
To rewrite your story

Guess we aren't meant to see our futures, then
For when a prophesy is foretold
I only ever comprehend it
When the knowledge has grown old

So I am doomed to simply listen
And gasp when the words start to make sense
And pray if true danger ever comes
I learn how not to be so dense
Most of the songs I listen to have begun to come true... I've tried interpreting other songs but always fail. It's always a pretty euphoric experience to put on a song and hear a lyric connect in my mind like, "ohhhhh, THAT'S what it meant..."
Broken wings have I
Seeking sunset skies
They fear what happens when I fly
Longing after sunset skies

Keeping on
Keeping on
For what else am I meant to do?
Lying broken
Bloodied wings
But I keep on fighting on for you

Crying out with broken beak
Begging for reprieve
Pleading pleading, please don't leave
Without you, don't know what I'll do

They wish for me to stay down low
righteously afraid
afraid they are, of me, you see
So they cannot let me go

I know, I know
I know so well
that suffering is sure to follow
this pain this pain of every day
is insolent and hard to swallow

Hold me tight
tight as you can
but I will sure escape
beating newly strengthened wings
I leave you in my wake

you tried you failed
to keep me here
alive I am and will not fear
anything that comes my way

Surely you have learned by now
surely I have shown you
You cannot hold me down!
I laugh for joy and fly away
Feb 28 · 102
Toxic
You told us we were faking
That all we wanted was attention

Then you told us we were crazy
That we were somehow something dangerous

Then you told us we were confused
That we just had too much imagination

Then you told us we were accepted
And denied ever saying otherwise

Now, you pretend none of it ever happened
Just like we knew you would
This is why we never wanted you to know
Feb 26 · 121
Untitled
she
still
loves
him
i can't do this
Feb 25 · 251
Someone else
She
Likes
Someone
Else

And I’m stupid
Enough
To care

To scream internally
Gasping for breath
Heart pounding
It isn’t going to last
It can’t
It won’t

I know I can’t have her
But if I can’t have her
Why
Should
He
She’s going to be the death of me
He doesn’t deserve her
Feb 25 · 209
HOWDAREHEHURTYOU
How can you be so blind?
Crushing on dumb boys who don't deserve you

Unable to move on from a toxic guy
With the maturity of a 5-year-old
Who lies and manipulates and takes
the most amazing person in this entire **** world
for granted

I want nothing more than to beat him to a pulp and
throw him in the
garbage where he belongs
Because no one is allowed to hurt you
I'm so angry
My mind is racing
How dare he
You could do so much better than him
So much better than anyone
(So much better than me)

What kind of sicko has the best girl in the whole entire universe
and throws her away?

I don't know what to do
But he does not get to get away with
hurting
you
I've never wanted to punch someone so bad
This isn't even a poem just me raging
Why doesn't she see?
Why does it hurt so bad?
She only likes this new guy because he's telling her about all the **** her ex did
Neither of them will ever come close to deserving her
Your smile
Your laugh
Your face
Your hair
Your gentle touch
It's just too much
And so unfair

You're just too beautiful
I never stood a chance
You had me, love, with just a single gorgeous glance
from those chocolate eyes of love and peace
That have me chasing butterflies
Cross fields of flowers, gentle seas
Paper masterpieces
And you feel just like a sunset sky
I see you when I close my eyes
And I could spend eternity just
watching you sleep


Falling hard, pretending I'm alright
We're opposites but we work just fine
Thinking about you all of the time
And I really really really just wish you were mine
Wish you were mine

Now I lie awake in bed
Daydreaming of what could've been
If maybe things were different
And I didn't have to be so scared
But I just fantasize instead
Of what it could be like
To call you mine


When we embrace, I breathe in your scent
You're heaven-sent
Evanescent
Like honeysuckle on evening breeze
Or morning mist
And falling leaves
And I could spend eternity
With you, I'm wrapped around your sleeve so tight
And I hope I never let go

Falling hard, pretending I'm alright
We're opposites but we work just fine
Thinking about you all of the time
And I really really really just wish you were mine
Wish you were mine

You
Can
Never
Know

It's funny how I tell you everything but this
how you consume my brain like a wild Florida hurricane
That's named after you
And it's beauty and destruction all in one

I don't want to lose you
If life was perfect, I'd be with you
And then reality wouldn't be
quite
so
bad
but
you
can never
know

Falling, falling falling, falling,
crashing, burning, drowning, dying
You are my undoing
and it's an honor
to be poisoned
by your perfectly drawn flowers
That you adorn my hand with ease
And I just ask Lord, please
Please just one miracle
I promise I'll be good
She's just so beautiful
And better than I ever could be
Why can't she be with me

Falling, falling, falling, falling
Losing the battle with these feelings
Her image haunts my mind in graceful poltergeist screams
AHHHHHHHHH

Falling hard, pretending I'm alright
We're opposites, but we work just fine
Thinking about you all of the time
And I really really really just wish you were mine
Wish you were mine
mine
mine
I rarely get inspiration for songs, but sometimes they just pour out of me, like they've been building up inside and I just have to let them out. This was one of them.

It seems to be a blend of just about every single music genre there is- can I even legally call that alternative?
Feb 24 · 188
Rain Falls Down
Falling
Freely
 Now

                                                           ­                                    Pitter-
                                                         ­                                       Patter
                   ­                                                                 ­           Plop


                        Peaceful
                         ­ Breath
                          Taken





                    ­                                Watching
                        ­                            Raindrops
                           ­                              Fall
Not quite sure what this is...
Feb 24 · 169
When I die
When I die
I wish to be
recycled

Cut up into pieces
of useful and useless
parts
and distributed
where I'm needed
most

To serve the world
one
final
time


When I die
I don't want a coffin
Or to be dressed up and posed
as if I am sleeping
For we all know I am not sleeping

I do not want to be burned
Or preserved by chemicals that only
delay
the inevitable

I want to be a part of nature's
cycle
To be eaten by my arthropod friends
and torn apart by wild things and scavengers
To assist proudly in medicine, science, and nutrition
for all the world's species

When I die
Do not bury my body
For I no longer inhabit it

Cast that rotting sack of flesh aside
and use it for good

When I die
do not mourn me
Do not say
"rest in peace"
for I am not resting
Do not say
"gone but not forgotten"
For I am not gone, and will soon be forgotten here

When I die
Celebrate all of the memories
The good and the bad
Tell all my secrets
Read all my poems and letters
Perhaps you will finally understand me
I've always found funerals and cemetaries beautiful, but a bit silly. After all, we all have the same fate: the beautiful process of decomposition
Feb 24 · 123
My type
I don't have a type...
Oh, but it seems that I do
What is your type, you ask
Those who do not like me back
Feb 24 · 338
I am the darkness
I am the darkness!
Fierce and unafraid
Monsters in the shadows of my mind

You shine your lights
but cannot **** me!
I blind you
and you stumble on
in the night

I am the wolves!
Howling at the moon
We revel in the black forests
of impending fear and doom
and laugh at the screams of terror that echo through the woods

I am the phantom!
Crying out to be set free
Wandering aimlessly through the trees
Growing accustomed to the dark and the cold
Did I choose this fate?

I am the magma!
Flowing deep in the core in the earth
You do not see me
but you know that I am there
You marvel
You fear

I am the fire!
Surging furiously through forests and hearts
Igniting undergrowth and passion

I have no enemies
I have no friends
I only rage, consuming everything in my path
until it's all gone
I cheer at my triumph!

I am the rain!
Falling in rivulets into the midnight
I extinguish the flames and leave nothing but ash
I cry for what once was
before the unforgiving fire stole it away

I am the storm!
Screaming, screaming screaming in thundering cries
Striking down anything and everything that gets in my way

I am unstoppable
Flooding the world and drowning all who claim to be good
Laughing mercilessly, leaving no stone unturned!
Anything I cannot reach is struck down
by lightning power
unrivaled

I am an ant!
Intelligent and strong
patient, persevering, hardworking
Serving my queen
Caring for my colony

When intruders come to **** and destroy
I fight bravely
Tiny warrior in a vast army
Struck down cruelly by giant, fumbling hands
Dying a warrior's death
of insignificance

I am the monster!
lurking in the night
I torture and ****
anyone who dares to set foot in my forest
Wiping my bloodied hands on ashen trees
and laughing in twisted pleasure
as my victims scream for mercy

I am an angel!
Watching the bloodbath from afar
and caring for the mourning innocent
as they ascend to heaven
I weep for the life lost to the monster's hands

I am the darkness!
I am everything
I am nothing
I am beauty
I am fear
I conceal
and I illuminate
Fear me
and revel in my beauty
Feb 24 · 1.8k
Paper flowers
You are a flower
Blooming on a page
Drawing everyone near
With your sweet smell
And elegant glory

You are so beautiful

I long to pick you
To hold you in my hand
And breathe in your scent
And cherish you close

But I can only
Admire you
From afar

Hanging
Your masterpieces
On my wall
Feb 24 · 100
Untitled
She
Likes
Boys

I’m
Not
A
Boy
It shouldn’t hurt this much
Feb 21 · 85
The Others
They told us we're insane
We were under attack
Helpless
Afraid
But we triumphed
Alii Semper Vincemus!

We triumphed
And everything is going to be ok
But we couldn't have done it alone
Without each other
we would have failed

One to be friendly
and social and innocent
To be adored and underestimated

One to stand firm
and protect and defend
To keep on fighting till there's nothing left

One to charm
and be unbothered by everything
To be confident and relaxed and fearless

One to strategize
and organize and lead
to know just how to get what we want

One to prove that we are correct
and whose purpose is not yet known
To make mistakes but make up for them

One to keep us all together
and appear as though we are solid and one
To be a mix and mediate and rejoice in our triumph

We are the Others, all of us united
Though difficult to understand

I have been taught that faith is about not needing to understand
to believe it is real
And this has been a true test of faith
But the Others are as real as anyone else
And I will never stop fighting for them
and for me

Alii Semper Vincemus!
One day, everything will work itself out. No one said Metamorphosis would be easy.
And with the Others to help and guide me, I'll be ok. We all will.

This is the first poem I wrote actually using the name the Others. They have been referenced in lots of other poems and even co-wrote a lot of them, but this is the first time I've been brave enough to truly share them.
Inspired to share by another young, misunderstood plural, Thanks for being yourselves!
Feb 20 · 147
Death is foolish
Death
is a foolish
construct

When we die, we simply
transform
from one body
to the next
We dump one
skin
like a worn out shirt
with holes and stains

When we die,
our souls ascend
leaving only a filthy pile of
meat
behind

Meaningless
Meant to be cast aside and
left
to
rot

And yet, like the foolish
mortals
we are
desperate for life to
mean
something
we take these empty
rotting
bags of bones
and build homes for them
and place them in the ground
and pretend that they will be safe
in their wooden boxes
avoid thinking about the arthropods
that will find their way inside
and clean up the mess
they left
behind

We cry
We weep in front of a
slab of rock
and leave flowers
for insects
rot
and bones

We mourn them
As if they have vanished
never
to be seen
again

We are so blind that we believe this
miserable place
is all
that there is

We need not look down
when seeking those we have lost
but up

For they have not died
not really
they have simply journeyed
to a better world

They wait
patiently
for you to follow
But you are afraid
We all are, no matter how we deny it
We fear oblivion
Nothingness
For we do not understand
who
we
are

Death, you see,
is a foolish
construct
Feb 19 · 227
The magic of imagination
A whole world at my fingertips
Mine to create and explore
To fill with people and cultures
To bloom from nothingness

Mine to take care of
Mine to destroy
Mine to avenge
Mine to protect
Mine to adore

I have sought love and found it a million times
Lived happily-ever-afters for millennium
I have crafted worlds where everything is perfect
And worlds where it doesn't matter that it's not

Boredom and loneliness are things of the past
For in this place I have all that I need:

A
Home
A dimension
A grand adventure
A sanctuary for my soul
A place where I can finally belong

I live two lives:
My life there
And my life here
Here, in reality
Dull, plain reality
Where I am Cursed
And love skillfully evades me
Where my happily-ever-after taunts me just out of reach
Where there is pain and danger
But without the promise of love and adventure
Sometimes I wish I could stay
Stay in my world
But I could never pick just one
One Para or character to become
Because I love them all
One world to inhabit
Because they are all so wonderful
And good things wait for me
On the other side of the Metamorphosis

One day, everything will be great
We will always Triumph
Alii Semper Vincemus!

And my worlds will always be there for me
I will always have my power: to go wherever I please outside the realm of reality

Someday, I'll share my power with the world
But for now it is my sanctuary
My one reprieve
Nothing
Can ever make me give it up
As a Maladaptive Daydreamer, I have a sort of real life superpower: to enter fantasy worlds in my head. Too bad they're so good I wish I could stay there. Even if it's the literal zombie apocalypse, I still find myself longing to live there for real, at least for a little while. Every blessing comes with a curse I guess.

The world I'm writing about is Lindsavadia, a fantasy world of my own design. I drew it, and am world-building and culture-building right now. I actually created it for a book I'm writing! Writing a novel is HARD, but really fun. This is the first daydream that I introduced Lindsavadia to. I decided to use my daydreams as a technique for world-building, because it needed a lot of work. So I threw some of my favorite Paras in there and took them on a grand tour of Lindsavadia. Best idea I've ever had! The world-building is going GREAT! Way better than if I'd stuck to writing only.

I never thought I'd get this far. Truly amazing. I don't know what I'd do without my Paras and worlds. I hope that someday, I'll be able to share this magic with everyone

Sorry for the ESSAY haha!
Feb 13 · 197
Delusional
I must be
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l

How else can you explain the stubborn butterflies in my stomach?

They are maroon and baby blue, and look like seashells and melodic laughter

You make me feel
ok

I didn't know I was still capable of that

When everything is falling apart
You are the glue holding me together

I don't understand. I thought only God was perfect,
but you are nothing if not perfection

I adore you-
talking to you
and laughing with you
and putting my head on your shoulder
(you said you like it)
and any time I am around you,
just watching you
hearing you
basking in your beauty

You are as beautiful as the masterpieces you create
I wish you were mine
You will never be mine

You deserve the world
I wish I could give you the world
I wish you could look at me the way I
look
at
you

I wish we could be
more
than
friends

That when I want to kiss you so bad it hurts,
I don't have to stop myself
Squeeze my eyes shut
One, two, three
Open
Take a deep breath
and go back to being
f  r  i  e  n  d  s

I love being your friend
(I love you)
I want to be your friend forever
But I want to be the friend you kiss
the friend you curl up on the couch with,
entwined together
sharing a blanket and watching whatever you want
The friend you confide in, whisper in my ear all of your secrets and pain
The friend you let hold you close, and tell you how beautiful you are
and not in a platonic way

Because you are the cool breeze sending shivers up my spine
And you are the Caribbean sun bringing peace and warmth to my soul
You are the crash of the waves against the rapid beating of my heart
You are a multitude of maroon butterflies flurrying in my stomach
You are my siren song, luring me into the pain of loving you
You are my undoing
and it is an honor

Part of me hopes I move on
But another part of me, a desperate and passionate part of me, swears I never will.

And some tiny part of me still holds on to the
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
that you see me the same way

I always knew I was crazy,
but this is just
depressing

Because we're best friends
And you don't have a clue

How I wrap you in a tight hug and find it near impossible to let go
I breathe you in as tears ***** at my eyes
I whisper a goodbye and a "love you" in your ear
Because best friends are allowed to do that
Then, I watch you walk away
as I cry a little on the inside
ok, cry a lot on the inside

I hate school
but I still look forward to every exhausting day
because I get to be exhausted with you
Because you'll be there
and that makes it worth it

Do you even notice me as more than a friend to laugh with?
Do you think about me when you sit alone in your room at night?
Think about my singing, or the way I looked at you when I told you how perfect you are?
The way I tuck my hair behind my ears when I work
Or how I'm always so excited when you ask me for a mint
Or how I trust you more than anyone else?

Do you notice little things about me
like I do about you?

Like how adorable your laugh is, and how it hitches slightly depending on your mood
Your giggle of alarm and delight when I try to trip you and somehow end up tripping myself
The way you examine yourself in the mirror, searching for a nonexistent flaw
How you still ask me about the state of your lipliner, even after I accidentally let you walk around with a bit of it on your chin before you noticed
How you secretly love singing, but are too shy to do it in front of people
How absolutely hilarious you are when people care enough to listen
The way you squint when you draw, turning your head every which way to perfect every line, every detail
The way you flush with quiet pride when people compliment your work

I can't imagine life without you
But I imagine life with you
all
the
time

It hurts to keep this a secret
But you can never know
I refuse to ruin our friendship
It's all that's keeping me sane

It must not be doing a very good job though, because I'm still
d
e
l
u
s
i
o
n
a
l
Still can't write a love poem to save my life
I had to get these feelings out though
Wow, this is way longer than I anticipated
Feb 12 · 177
Sparring
Breathless laughter
Panting, sweating
I am whole
Feb 10 · 109
Metamorphosis pt 4
I've always
hated
change

Recently it's become
easier;
the little things
at least

I changed my room
got rid of some old books
never thought that day would come

But this, this
Metamorphosis
is nearly
impossible

Painful
I feel like I'm
dying
sometimes

As much as I hate to admit it,
I'm scared
petrified

My mind
"she always did have SUCH an overactive imagination"
jumping from worse-case scenario
to worse-case scenario

I find myself wishing for something
easier
simpler
like the apocalypse

Let's be honest,
Walkers are kind of pathetic anyway
at least then we'd be too busy
surviving
to worry about all this

I know I just need time
But right now I still just
hate
change
she wanders
through life
her emotions
flip
like a light switch
on
off
on
off

Monster
empath
Monster

she cries
confused
not understanding the
signs
laid out for her

stumbles
every day
trying
to get through

wondering
wondering
wondering
who
she
is

is she
Light
or Darkness?

sometimes
she feels like a
duality
like she is
e
v
e
r
y
t
h
i
n
g

and she doesn't
comprehend
her purpose

but she is
Chosen
and Guided

she has time
to orient herself
Pain waits ahead
but she is stronger than it
she is Power

learning who you are
takes
time
Patience
is the most difficult thing to
master
but it must be done

how does one know so much
and so little at the same time?

how does one feel the need to
celebrate
and
cry
all at once

nobody ever said that Metamorphosis would be easy
Feb 9 · 97
Metamorphosis pt 2
Tell me
now
before it's too late:

How do I
crawl
back into my chrysalis?
How do I undo the
transformation
that has begun in me?

How do I go back to being a
caterpillar
A child, naive and free

I said I wanted to
let
the Monster
out
but I changed my mind!
I changed
my
mind

Please

I cannot be the Monster anymore
because it
would
break
you

Even if you knew you did not
create
the Monster
(please please please don't ever believe that!)
You would have to live with knowing it was
your
hands
that taught it to ****

That when I spoke words of love to you
I was praising you for making it
ever so easy
(no no no I don't want this)

No matter what happens
you are the anti-Monster
no
no
you are the Monster
tamed

I understand now
It lives in you too
It
has
to

It makes complete sense!
Maybe in a way
you did create the Monster
Maybe it did not come from pain
but from simple genetics?

I think I understand now
I understand now!
We aren't meant to
****
the Monster
We aren't meant to
suffocate it
And we aren't meant to
succumb
to it

We have to tame it
Ally with it
And use it
to do something good
It's another prophesy
I understand now
I UNDERSTAND NOW
There is a reason for everything!

This is why
This is why
This is why

We are the Monsters
Because God is a God of vengeance
and sometimes peace is not enough
We are the Monsters
Not to go against Him
but to serve Him
All the prophesies are coming true
They are all coming true!

Someday, you'll understand!
In a way,
you already do
Someday we'll be Monsters
together

And save the world,
just like I always knew
we
would
Feb 7 · 246
Icarus
All of this can't be for nothing
We've worked too hard
Fought too hard
For it to be over
I have lost too much
I no longer know
who
I
am
They can't win
I made an oath of blood
and
I
will
keep
it.
He will die tonight
but not by my hand
like I wanted

I will be your sacrifice
It's the only way
I'm sorry love, but I have to do this
I was always doomed to go
up
in
flames
anyway

The whole world is collapsing
These shards of truth I've clung to
love
pierce my soul
Bloodred wings and gilded mask
Will mark my
last
flight

I launch myself into the sky above
shining brighter than the sun
eclipse
and all you can see is my supernova
bright and brilliant
burning
burning
burning

behind the mask, my face is expressionless
but a single tear slides down my face
as I hear the love of my life
scream

I am burning
quickly
steadily
Pain blinding
excruciating
lovely

I wonder what will happen
when it's all
over

Was I a savior after all?
or just a foolish boy disguised as a
hero

My painted feathers burn like candlesticks
But I can still go higher!
Burning
up
crying out
But as I fall
like a meteor
into the sea
A part of me remembers
who
I
am

Fulfilled
Triumphant
Loved
I will transcend to Caelum
as a warrior
it is impossible to transform the emotions in this scene into words.

Based off the song Icarus by Gio Navas (absolutely incredible artist)
This is written by one of my paras, Necare. He's done poems before, but he has a different backstory in this one. Pretty bad poem, but seriously, check out the song!
Feb 6 · 75
Metamorphosis
I am the Monster
The Monster is me
It spreads through my soul in blackout tendrils
And takes me where I'm meant to be

I've been betrayed
One too many times
Ridiculed for beautiful things
That make me feel alive

I used to care what others think
Hid my face, cried silent tears
I've given up on being human
Let them whisper, let them fear!

What right do we have to claim to be good?
When we're all living heartless lies
We would all be murderers
If scathing thoughts were crimson knives

I once longed to be fearless
But spent my life afraid of pain
Now I welcome all the torture
It is their loss and my great gain

Let them underestimate me
But I will no longer make that mistake
My enemies thought they bested me
They don't know that I'll never break

I am smarter, faster, stronger
Then they will ever be
Invincible, unstoppable
"We are a machine!"

So say farewell to who I was
And learn to fear who I've become
You can keep your body bag
I swear to you,
I'm
Not
Done
Feb 4 · 172
Triumph
You tried to hurt me
Tried to beat me
Ha!
Don't you know that
we
will
always
triumph?

You thought you knew better
Thought you could ruin me
Ha!
Don't you know that
we
will
always
come
out
on
top?

You thought you had power
You thought you were stronger, but
I
will
always
win

To be underestimated
is the
greatest
power
one can have
Feb 1 · 183
My curse
This is my curse:
That I will
never
learn
my
lesson

This is my curse:
That I once again believe that
things
will
change

This is my curse:
That hope glows so fiercely inside of my soul that I truly feel that
it's all
going
to be
ok

This is my curse:
That somehow, somehow
I
still
love
you

This is my curse:
That I know you
love
me
back
Take me home across the ocean
Too far away to bear
Feeling trapped, going through the motions
But I don't really care

I've grown weary of grayscale gloom
Of mainland and its toxic waste
Heart heavy, I sense impending doom
Sorrow etched across my face

Take me home across the water
Through perfect turquoise waves
Home to where the air is hotter
But the breeze brings solace I so crave

Home to where the beaches
Wrap the island in a hug
Where the forest earnestly reaches
Towards the crystal sky above

Take me where the birds wing playfully
Wild and beautiful and free
Where the sun dances gracefully
‘Cross mountain and sparkling sea

Take me home across the ocean
I can't take it anymore
My perfect home has my devotion
Won't stop 'till I reach its shores

I fantasize of my returning
Why must I be stranded here?
My heart hurts from my constant yearning
No breeze here to blow away my tears

To go back home is all I need
I've never grieved like this before
My soul enduring constant bleeding
I'm broken to my very core
Missing home a lot today, so I thought I'd write about it. Nothing I ever write will ever be able to truly encompass its beauty though
Jan 30 · 308
Paper, Stone, Light
A girl, made of paper
She blows in the wind
All her thoughts, written on her pages
Creative and calm and curious and careful
She sings, shyly, softly
In the middle of the night
She doesn't want to be heard
She wants to be heard

A girl, made of stone
She stands steady in the storm
Her face, emotionless, expressionless
Strong and stony and stoic and silent
She writes, fluidly, fearfully
In the middle of the night
She doesn't want to be seen
She wants to be seen

A girl, made of light
She shines in the dark
Love glistens in her eyes
Luminous and loving and lighthearted and loyal
She glows, boldly, beautifully
in the middle of the night
She doesn't fear being seen
She doesn't fear being heard

Girls made of paper
And girls made of stone
Hurt too many times by those who claim to care
Hiding from the world no longer
Girl made of light
Hope is her name
Burns like a spark in their hearts in the night
Whispering softly, gently
It's ok to be seen
It's ok to be heard
Found this SUPER old poem, pretty sure I was 12 when I wrote this. Randomly unearthed it when going through a box of old stuff (I'm a bit of a hoarder), and decided it wasn't terrible.
Jan 27 · 390
SEVERED
Explain
                                            To
                                        
                                            Me
h
    o
        w

I can be


F       a      L    L  i     Ng             aP            A                  r              t          

AND BE SO numb

I am

W
h
o
l
e
A
n
d
E
m
p
t
y

all
at
once
Just playing around with words for fun
Jan 23 · 195
It’s time
It’s time
And the craziest thing is:
I’m
Not
Afraid
Anymore
Called it on the dissociation lol
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