Between being touched by you
and ripped apart by myself
my body has lost all its worth

I remember laying under the stars with you
and I remember talking about everything under the moon.
You promised me you would keep me safe.

You told me I was beautiful and then you started to kiss me.
I still feel what it was like to have you on my lips.
And more importantly, I still feel what it was like to let the words
“I’m to drunk to do this”
spill from between my teeth

Then everything is black.

The next thing I remember is you pushing my head down, forcing me to pleasure you
and me crying
and you telling me you were going to **** me

Then it was black again

I still feel what it was like to regain some sort of knowledge of what was going on around me
and realize what I was doing
I can still taste you in my mouth
I can still feel your voice pumping through my veins

Maybe if i lace my thighs with bandaids
I can trick my brain into thinking that i ripped myself apart
just moments ago
and maybe i'll get the adrenaline rush anyway.
Since all it takes is the sting of a razor blade for me to feel something,
maybe the thought of pain will do the same.
"The mind is everything, what we think we become."

I've never felt so close to death as i did the day you left me